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husband left me for his ex girlfriend

(35 Posts)
Labisiffree Mon 01-Oct-12 22:04:29

We have been married 12 years, 2 sons, not perfect but i thought at least we plodded on. He was funny for a few weeks, very quiet and disengaged, then told me hed been having an affair, not a sexual one at that point ( he said).

He then left! I am on my own with my two DS, 10 and 11. I have lots of good friends but I feel so numb. I was so calm about him going, he is now living with her( shes left her husband) and although I am angry with him, I am strangely calm. Why?, and when am I going to fall apart?

dilys4trevor Sun 14-Feb-16 11:01:54

I just posted in Relationships asking about love after a shit experience. Mine is very recent and involved a death as well as discovery of an affair (suicide after being caught out - thanks for that!) but it cheers me SO much to hear that the OP is happy again. What about the other people on here?

Alicerennei123 Fri 12-Feb-16 20:29:31

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meeks01 Tue 29-Sep-15 00:20:08

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Frikadellen Tue 28-Jan-14 12:01:09

Thank you for updating I often wonder what happens to people.

I am happy to hear your life is moving on and you have someone good in your life smile

sweetpetite Mon 27-Jan-14 14:32:00

Thought I would update this thread, and let you know as the OP, that things have improved dramatically, and it probably took me 6 months of up and down to properly feel happy and strong again.

I did lots of internet dating which was not successful in terms of finding me a mate, but it helped me realise there are lots of nice men out there and I deserved better.

In September 2013 I met an old school friend for the first time in 25 years (!) at a reunion, we've been together ever since, and he is wonderful, respectful, funny, gentle and kind. There were times I felt I'd be on my own forever, there were times I wanted to be! I learned to be happy alone, and that's the key I think.
Divorce proceedings are going through slowly, he's still with the exgf and she's having a baby next month.... another thing to think about.
I'll think about that when it happens though...

Icangetthruthis Sat 06-Jul-13 16:16:44

Wow, it is amazing to read this thread, I guess after going thru something like this one feels alone in the world... It helps to know other women are strong and surviving!

After 19 years together and 2 kids, I found my hisband having an affair with his old, first love. We are separated now and I am doing pretty well, like the one post above there is a big element of relief since he has always been a demanding jerk and hard to be around. He acted as if the decision to separate was mine to make, at least when he was being nice. But I think he knew I would leave and he seems more relieved than anything. Even though I know I am making the right decision it hurts so badly that he is accepting it and not fighting in any way to keep me!!!

This thread is so old- so here is my question for you ladies- how are you NOW? It has only been 5 weeks since I found out- how can I stop the endless, repetitive, hurtful thoughts swirling in my brain? I know logically that my life is going to be fine, easier even, and I'll meet someone else, etc. But I still can't sleep for thinking the same things over, and over, and over..... Any suggestions??

kinkyfuckery Mon 01-Apr-13 17:06:15

Kis2013 You would be better to start your own thread, possibly in the Relationships topic.

In fact, no I just read it and am reporting your post for spam. Have a lovely day grin

Kis2013 Mon 01-Apr-13 17:01:07

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

HappyHalloweenMotherFucker Tue 23-Oct-12 23:37:27

blimey, coy, that is despicable of him

I hope you are reporting him to the police

coybiatch Tue 23-Oct-12 23:28:55

A few days ago, two days after our 6th anniversary, I was shocked to find that my husband had "married" another woman. How? Well, there were pictures online of the wedding ceremony (google, facebook, photographer). Whether or not there was a marriage license is unknown to me right now except for the fact that he IS still legally married to me. Although many small things never did add up, I NEVER expected THIS. I found this last Thursday AT WORK, while I was looking up legitimate business online that involved the two of them, looking for a reference to something. At first, I felt numb and panicked. I feel disbelief and "how could he throw everything away". Mornings are the worst, when I first wake up and remember what has happened. Knowing that I know, he has the good sense not to come home from his last "business" trip. He completely denies having an affair, even in the face of overwhelming evidence. I agree that doing normal things is helpful.

HappyHalloweenMotherFucker Sat 20-Oct-12 17:54:34


Labisiffree Sat 20-Oct-12 17:51:26

Hopefully, but a family member has also stepped in with a job offer, so I have that to fall back on. Things looking brighter today. It is certainly a roller coaster!

HappyHalloweenMotherFucker Sat 20-Oct-12 11:27:30

Sounds like you have a lot on your plate. Good luck with the job. If your boss is "pretty good" and been sympathetic it sounds like you have a good relationship with her and that bodes well.

Labisiffree Sat 20-Oct-12 10:23:21

Thanks. Yes spoken to boss who is pretty good- been through similar herself . Problem is my job us temp and I gave to reapply for it- lots if extra stress. H doing my head in by changing times he can collect kds etc. selfish pig!!

Couragedoesntroar Thu 18-Oct-12 22:09:04

It will pass. Talk to your colleagues. Do everything you can to settle yourself - talk to friends/family, go for a run, sing, write/read a poem, walk, go to a coffee, watch comforting dvds. Anything that keeps the world normal. You will get through, one step at a time. It isn't the end of your world, a new chapter is all.

HappyHalloweenMotherFucker Thu 18-Oct-12 16:44:46

aww, you poor thing. Have you calmed down abut now. Have a brew

have you spoken to your boss, to tell them you are having a rough time just now?

Labisiffree Thu 18-Oct-12 15:54:19

Had a total meltdown at work today- not good as I'm already fighting for my job.
I'm so scared that it is now all on my shoulders. Can't stop bursting into tears.

HappyHalloweenMotherFucker Wed 17-Oct-12 23:15:57

sleep well smile

I have been married a good few years now, but the last long relationship before that, I walked away without a backward glance because I was ready (and he was an abusive shit)

Labisiffree Wed 17-Oct-12 23:09:15

happy halloween- had a brief but intense period of depression earlier this year- had counselling and felt much better for it. Think it has helped me more than I can say.
I must sleep now this is the thing i am struggling with- the late nights as i can't seem to go to bed at a sensible time and the tiredness is taking over.

HappyHalloweenMotherFucker Wed 17-Oct-12 22:35:38

It isn't compulsory that you fall apart or turn into a screaming banshee

I think you are doing really well, and have good insight into how you feel, possibly because you were (without consciously realising) quite a way along the path of disengagement yourself

Labisiffree Wed 17-Oct-12 22:28:37

Thanks. I am tired and out of my routine today, so that proabably is compounding the problem.

He doesn't seem very excited to see the kids, although he is making the effort to see them twice a week, they don't seem to think its quality time and usually the new woman is there which makes me feel shit for them.

Couragedoesntroar Wed 17-Oct-12 21:57:54

You're bound to feel like that. The anxiety will pass. Keep doing your routines and lean on people who'll make you feel steady.

Labisiffree Wed 17-Oct-12 21:52:44

Thanks. Feeling a bit shit today.
Stress at work, tiredness as well not helping.

I actually feel like I'm in limbo- between the old and new life. How long this might last is a bit anxiety inducing!

Couragedoesntroar Wed 17-Oct-12 21:41:28

For me the situation sank in gradually and it felt much worse two weeks in. I'm telling you so it doesn't shock you if it happens. FWIW I think the initial reaction is the true one eg my initial reaction was relief and I think that was the intuitively correct one. Friends have said similar about tjeir situations. But doesn't mean there's not a painful grieving process to go thro. But it's is survivable. You will come through even if it gets harder in the short term.

Labisiffree Tue 16-Oct-12 22:10:29

I am slightly consoled by that, and also cannot believe 2 intelligent people don't seem to have thought of that too!

Also consoling myself with the fact I often in the past considered leaving, due to his lack of communication and other reasons, but he is now the one with all the guilt.

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