I am not divorced yet and we still live in the same house. Proceeding have not started as I wanted to agree all finances, arrangements with the children and the grounds etc beforehand so we are going through a difficult process of discussion. DH has just organised for 2 of the DC's to have an activity every weekend which would take up 1/2 of one day. He did not consult me but did agree it with a group of other parents involved. I found out through the grapevine. I don't object to the activity as such but it is timed such that I could not do anything else on that day with the DC's because it takes up all morning and this goes on indefinitely (beyond when we have hopefully in my mind split up when we will be on alternative weekends) . The other parents involved have agreed and have no idea that our relationship is on the rocks & I don't want to get into talking to them about this because it is embarrassing that he did not discuss it with me in the first place - I also don't want them to get into the nastyness of the whole thing.
I am livid but not even sure if this is reasonable to feel that way because at the end of the day the activity is not such an issue it is that he has pushed me into agreeing with his plans without being consulted in an underhand way. I also have a deep suspicion that he is trying to get control - I organise the kids lives in the main and always have done. Is this him trying to make a case for future residence?
I don't know what to do especially as this is in the context of what is supposed to be an amicable divorce.
Your thoughts would be a great help
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Divorce/separation
what do I do ?
probablyparanoid · 25/09/2012 22:27
I think a certain amount of this type of behaviour is almost inevitable in a divorce. You see this as him trying to take control - that is the negative interpretation. He may see it as him organising things which possibly he is conscious that he has not done during your marriage. I know when my exH did this type of thing when we split up I resented it.
However you should try to think about whether this is an activity your DCs will enjoy. If so then consider that they may want to do it on "your weekends" as well as STBX's weekends. This is perfectly viable.
My DS does an activity every weekend. Generally whichever parent he is with that weekend takes him, but often his Dad will turn up on my weekends. It's a good time for a chat. I hated it at first but 4 years on and it's fine 
. It does help to make co-parenting easier if you can talk especially if there are difficult issues to address with DC.
And remember if DC don't like the activity it will die anyway so there will be nothing to worry about.
Things like this don't affect the residency decision. It is a weekend activity -try not to over estimate the impact. I always ask myself two questions 1. Are the DC happy with the outcome? and 2. How would I feel about the decision/plan if we were still together? The answers determine whether it is worth a discussion.
The best advice I was ever given is that in time all will be ok. I was told 5 years was a good estimate. In reality for me it took 3 but at least my expectations were set at a reasonable level. Good luck.
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