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Help please - urgent - whether to return to MH?

(10 Posts)

My friend has been forced to leave the MH - due to this event : www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1303332-DH-talking-about-killing-me-Im-not-sure-how-to-take-it

She's currently living with a friend, in a smallish house, and the friend has made it clear that Precious, the OP in the thread I linked to, isn't able to stay beyond next week. Despite what seems to us as pretty clear cut abuse, her solicitor has advised against making an ex parte non-molestation and occupation order, and instead will be aiming for a hearing, with (D)H attending, towards the end of next week, which will apparently include an application for a residence order. H originally texted to say it was ridiculous him being on his own in the house and Precious and her 2 DC being away, and said she could go back. She was advised again that, by everyone, including DV team and the police I think. He has since texted to say he's going to stay in the house and they're going to all live together there again. confused

He's away this weekend on a boy's weekend (!!??), and the house is empty. Precious' friend has said occupation is 9/10th of the law and that she should think seriously about going back to the house, installing bolts on the doors, and staying put, just letting H pick up his stuff somehow. Both she and I are concerned that that would be more upsetting for the DC, seeing their dad hammering to be let in, and the elder DS is already unhappy, wanting to be home, no matter if H is there, and blaming Precious for the upheaval.

Does anyone have any advice? Obviously legally she shouldn't go back and then refuse him access, but she's terrified that, after the hearing at the end of next week (a) he'll be allowed to stay there, (b) she'll be forced to return the DC to the house so that they can go to school (younger DS will definitely not go back to his dad willingly but at 8 would they listen to him?) or (c) she'll have to pay to rent locally if she's determined to stay out of the house.

Can anyone help?

ConstanceNoring Sat 24-Sep-11 14:45:53

I didn't follow the precious thread but I know many did so I'm just bumping to keep it up in Active Convos - Good Luck.

Anyone??

Petesmum Sat 24-Sep-11 21:23:04

I know the courts prefer to use arbitration to agree child access. If this fails then the case goes to court.
As for the house humm, I can offer an opinion but no legal advice. I think your friend needs legal advice on this. Sorry. Is the house in both names?

Yes. She has seen a solr but as I said she seems very ambivalent as to whether the court will order the H to leave so his wife and kids can go back.

Akandra Sat 24-Sep-11 21:34:55

I did read the other thread and I don't think she should go back as she won't be able to keep him out without an order in place. She can't just change the locks legally. He's not going to give up and she should stay well away. In the previous thread someone did mention that and the legal implications of it I think. Possession in this case is not useful as they are married and the property is a marital asset or whatever it's called. Both parties have equal right to it I should think so I would doubt that moving in would offer her any rights or advantage. Though I am not an expert here I think the person in the other thread was.

He's clearly still in denial that this split is for real and once that sinks in he may well get nasty. She really needs to find somewhere he can't find her and her house is not it.

PurpleHat Sat 24-Sep-11 21:36:34

Is the house rented or mortgaged?

PurpleHat Sat 24-Sep-11 21:39:50

Can she not be housed in a refuge?
That sounds like the best option for now as it will, at least, buy her some time to get the legal situation clarified.

She'll be in court by the end of next week hopefully, and if H isn't ordered out she can go and stay with her sister, although that would take the kids out of school. She's hoping family will prevail on H to leave the house - his father's house is virtually empty and is local, so it's not much hardship. She can't possibly take the kids to a refuge - the 13yr old already resents being uprooted and although he's witnessed and been the subject of lots of emotional abuse he still wants to go home, whether his dad is there or not.

PurpleHat Sat 24-Sep-11 21:54:35

Most women don't want to go into a refuge.
But often it's the only choice short of returning to the marital home with their partner/husband.
If he refuses to go then she may well have to- even if only for a short period of time.

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