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am I being too hard or soft?

(3 Posts)
citruslemon Wed 21-Sep-11 12:50:02

Left marital home 9 months ago following an abusive and difficult marriage. He knew that I'd moved back in with my parents. He didn't call or come see DD. Three months ago it's like he's woken up and remembers that she exists. He lives over 200 miles away. I let him take her for a whole week and 3 weekends in these past 3 months. He took her for a weekend just last week. I let him talk to her on phone and email/SMS photos. I don't want DD to be affected by whatever is happening between her parents and make life difficult for me. But he wants to take her again this weekend and I've said no. She's at nursery til 5, comes home, eats, plays, washes and falls asleep. So am looking forward to having a weekend with her. I said to him that he can take her for 1 weekend a month but he started getting difficult and wants to take her every fortnight. I think this is too much especially with the distance in between. I don't take money from him (and he hasn't offered any) he says that I am ruining his relationship with his daughter but I get her to ring him eveyday (even when she doesn't want to). I just wanted to ask whether others think....

susiedaisy Wed 21-Sep-11 13:02:51

sorry to hear what you are going through, i would speak to a solicitor if i were you, one that specializes in family law and get some guidelines from them,they ususally give a free thirty min session to begin with, your child needs stability and security and her needs should come first imo, which you seem to be trying to do, like youve said once a fortnight is alot considering the distance and i would think once a month would be better for your daughter, as far as your ex is concerned he should seek advice as well, but try not too let him set the rules for access by intimadating you and throwing his weight around and getting in a strop, and he should by law be paying you some sort of child maintenace, usually its 20% of his take home pay unless he has other children to look after, i cant advise strongly enough seeking some professional advice and maybe even consider mediation if you feel safe around your ex. if he pays you nothing you may be eligable for some legal aid to help with mediation and future solicitors costs, do some research online, there is plenty of helpful websites out ther for lone parents etc, knowledge is power as they say!

citruslemon Wed 21-Sep-11 13:09:12

Thank you so much babe.
I am gonna contact a solicitor. I don't mind him seeing her but he just randomly always text a few days before saying he's picking her up rather than asking me and trying to sort out a timetable.
Throwing his weight around is typical of him and he thinks he can walk all over me like he did when we were together. I've told him he can keep the marital home, he can keep my car, he does not need to contribute financially - the less I have to connect myself to him the happier I am. But it's just when it comes to my little girl I want some stability.
I'll you know what the solicitor says.

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