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STBEH asking for more contact and overnight stays

(9 Posts)
btsmummy Mon 12-Sep-11 00:18:58


I have been separated from my H for just over 4 years and have just started divorce proceedings.

He moved out when we split and paid the mortgage and all the bills, along with the running costs for my car as I was at home with our then 18 month old daughter.

She is now nearly 6 and he has seen her on a weekday and on a Saturday every week since, they have been on holiday together, so there have been times when she has spent a week with him. They have a great relationship and to be fair he is a very good dad and she loves her time with him.

We have always got on very well, and many times we did family things at the weekend when he came to see our daughter (i am still in the FMH), we also continued to sleep together up until the beginning of last year when it became obvious we weren't going to reconcile, thing have been a bit frosty since but got slowly better and we started having family days out again (tho not sleeping together), that was up until this May.

He is now asking for more contact with our daughter and is asking for overnight stays, one during the week so he can pick her up from school and drop her off the next morning, and overnights at the weekends, he has said he would like 3 overnight stays a week so he can spend more time with her, possibly 4 the next, amount to equal care. I have said he can't have this but I have offered him 1 overnight every other weekend, with the usual midweek after school and weekend daytime in between. I also told him I won't discuss it any further and that he needs to speak to my solicitor.

Do you think he has any realistic chance of this, as I've told him we'll have to go to court as I won't agree it?



GypsyMoth Mon 12-Sep-11 09:04:13

If it goes to court then yes, he will certainly get this . And if he asks, he's likely to get more too

Why are you opposing this? It's not up to you to micro manage their relationship.

LaurieFairyCake Mon 12-Sep-11 09:05:58

Think of it from her point of view - she loves her dad, he is great to her and she deserves equal time with both parents.

Why are you so opposed?

StewieGriffinsMom Mon 12-Sep-11 09:11:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GypsyMoth Mon 12-Sep-11 11:12:34

Bump for you!

littlegreenalien Mon 12-Sep-11 11:34:41

What would your dd like to do ?

I know 6 is too young for a fully informed opinion but if he is willing and she is willing, why do you want to prevent it ? One night mid week and say a weekend night too shouldn't interfere very much with any homework schedule she may have.

A couple of things would irk me however.

1) Why he didn't want this much contact when she was younger and it was harder work.

2) Is he wanting to move to a different financial arrangement and doing a few sums (calculating that x amount of nights at his reduces the amount he pays you ) for the position if he moves to a formal CSA maintenance only arrangement ?

There are so many absent parents out there who don't give a toss about spending any time with their children and some non-resident parents who do the bare minimum in terms of contact, please think very seriously about your personal reasons for wanting to deny him more access, put your dd first.

btsmummy Mon 12-Sep-11 11:54:41

We were together until she was 18 months, he did his fair share of parenting, nappies, feeds, bedtimes etc.

After he left things were flexible, he had her for the 2 days as above, but would come round as and when, building snowmen when it snowed etc.

As for maintenance, he pays the mortgage still, so that is our current arrangement, when we discussed the house we both agreed to sell it, me getting 75 % of the equity, (approx 100k), he also offered a sum for maintenance far in excess of what the CSA would calculate, to help me with my figures for getting another house. Our FMH is 4 bedrooms.

The house was on the market for about 2 months and viewings had picked up.

When I went to see my solicitor he advised me to take it off the market, so that's what I have done.

I am back at work now.

WhereYouLeftIt Mon 12-Sep-11 13:13:26

This thread is duplicated on AIBU

GypsyMoth Mon 12-Sep-11 19:14:27

Did the other thread go?

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