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Separated a couple of months - now what? Advice needed from an expert!

(3 Posts)
andwhatnow Thu 28-Jul-11 10:41:21

I am going to book an appointment with a solicitor but wondered if anyone could give me any advice about what I might expect from my situation.
I left my husband nearly two months ago. He was a good husband but I had fallen out of love with him. I didn't have entirely appropriately - I developed an inappropriate friendship with another man (NOT sexual) which I did tell my husband about. We tried counselling etc and many other things. There were many other factors that contributed, neither of us are perfect, but the point I'm making is that I left the marriage and he did'nt want it to end (not sure how this has an effect on things).

Anyway, he refused to leave the marital home, so I have rented close by. We have an 11 year son and spend half and half with him, which is working reasonably well.

We both work full time and earn similiar amounts(approx 30 thousand each). We jointly owned a home for 13 years, married for nearly four years. My husband has a very good pension started since aged 25 (now 40) and I have had a pension for four years. When I moved out, we halved our savings. I then used my half to put down a deposit on my rented place, and completely furnish it.

My husband and I are reasonably amicable, but I feel very much that its a case 'I have left and thats that'. He talks about halving the value of what is in the marital home (which is now on the market) but when I ask for anything, he tells me to buy it myself. We are planning on splitting the equity in the home when its sold (should be about 30k each) but basically, that is it. We are not paying each other maintenance as we are sharing care of our son. I also give him half the child benefit.

What can I reasonably expect to happen in terms of any settlements or what should be happening now financially?

andwhatnow Thu 28-Jul-11 10:44:01

also meant to say - he is paying the bills for the marital home, and i am contributing to the mortgage, as well as paying my rent. I am in the fortunate position that my sister is currently staying, and contributing to my rent.

PooleFamilyLaw Mon 01-Aug-11 10:04:52

Hi andwhatnow

I'm a specialist family lawyer (ie a divorce solicitor).

Professional rules prohibit me from giving advice on website discussions. But I hope that some general comments might help. You say that you are going to book an appointment with a solicitor - very good first move, but so long as they really know all the options to help you resolve your situation in the way that is right to you. I strongly recommend that you locater a solicitor via

One of the first things to consider is not what the outcome will be, but how do you want to achieve the final outcome - do you want a bitter battle or do you wish to try and preserve some dignity and working relationship with your husband (especially for the benefit of your child)? I presume the latter.

Therefore, it's importnant that your solicitor should be able to discuss with you options which include mediation and collaborative law process (full details via

Also, although I'm a solicitor, I know that the "legal system" (ie. court proceedings) seldom provides the best solution and lawyers do not know all the answers. So, I also strongly recommend locating a solicitor who has experience of working with non-legal professionals such as family consultants/life coaches/Counsellors and independent mortgage/financial advisors. These non-lawyers can help you save financial costs (ie. legal fees) and emotional costs (ie. upset)

Hope this helps, sorry I can't be more specific on this discussion site.

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