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Urgent help needed For a friend

(6 Posts)
rogersmellyonthetelly Sat 02-Jul-11 14:16:56

this is on behalf of a friend, and it's a long a painful story, but she really needs some help and advice so I've promised her I'd ask on here.
She has been married for over 10 years, to a man who beat her up regularly, and She has recently separated from him. They have a child who is 9 who stays with either parent depending on what days each of them is working, and don't have any legal custody in order place as they have managed to keep things civil up to now for the sake of the child.
Things all kicked off earlier this week as something happened(don't want to mention specifics as too identifying) which was none of her ex's business, and child was staying with him at the time. The night it all happened, my friend called the child to speak to her as usual, but the phone was taken from the child within seconds and the call was terminated by the ex partner. When my friend tried to call back all the phones in the house were off. She has since managed to speak to the child and everything seems ok.
My friend is terrified that her ex will apply for custody and have it granted, as she has had mental health issues and is diagnosed as bi polar, however she is fine on her meds, And most of her problems have been caused by 10 plus years of living with physical and mental abuse. The ex partner is an utter
C'nt, not a word I like to use, but if the hat fits...... He sends 20 plus very abusive texts to her daily, calling her slag, whore, all sorts of lovely stuff, she can't block his number as he would then not be able to get in touch if there was a problem with their child.
I really don't know what to advise her, as she wants to keep the current custody situation as it is, and just puts up with the texts as she thinks if she reports him to the police for harassment, things will turn sour, and she will lose custody.
He is ok when sober, but as soon as he's had a couple of drinks, which is most days, he turns into a complete turd and that's when the messages start.

GypsyMoth Sat 02-Jul-11 14:22:24

so at present residency is shared...

she could keep diary/record of abusive texts,reporting to police as and when necessary,its not on. he's still abusing her.

is he drinking when he has the child staying?

rogersmellyonthetelly Sat 02-Jul-11 14:26:14

I don't think so, at least not to excess. I understand he drinks very moderately as he works in a pub and has the odd pint over the course of the afternoon. He has apparently never hit the child, other than the occasional smack for bad behaviour.

rogersmellyonthetelly Sat 02-Jul-11 14:28:14

She has all the texts still on her phone, I've seen some and it makes my skin crawl. If he rings while she is at my house, I have to shout hello to him so he knows where she is else he starts to accuse her of being with someone else.

rogersmellyonthetelly Sat 02-Jul-11 14:29:24

He did accuse us of having a lesbian affair at one point, my exact response was "f&ck off creep" which had the desired result.

GypsyMoth Sat 02-Jul-11 15:15:02

She could speak to women's aid. They will help

The phone needs to go. Or have a cheap one she keeps separate and switches on only when her child is in his care

If it continues, then legal advise would be next step

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