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Need help please

(11 Posts)
tiger66 Sat 15-Jan-11 09:03:02

My very good friend has just found out that her husband is leaving or left to be with another woman. They have 2 very young children under the age of 4. I really want to be able to offer her help and support - what is the best thing that I can do for her? Anyone who is seperated or divorced can you let me know what was helpful to you or what would have been helpful for your friends to do or say? Or anyone who has helped a friend through this

Thanks Much appreciated

caramelwaffle Sun 30-Jan-11 18:38:04

I do not think many people realise this new section is here (I have only just seen it)

My advice -

be available for childminding if she needs to go to many places to deal with the separation i.e solicitors/housing/advice centres

arrange for Girls Nights' In - meals/drink. Have Comedy programmes to be playing quietly n the background

keep your phones charged up and on - offer to accept calls at any time day or night to "be there" and "just listen"

Offer to help with cooking/shopping

caramelwaffle Sun 30-Jan-11 18:38:23


tiger66 Wed 23-Feb-11 18:31:43

Thanks Caramelwaffle,

Much appreciated, to top it off my fateher has just left my mother after 29 years of affairs. Now I not only have a friend to support but my own mother.

What are men up to? I just can't understand what makes them think that it is okay to have affairs! What planet do they live in to make it be alright to go waving their willies around with other people.

Think that I am a little niave!

babyapplejack Wed 23-Feb-11 18:39:29

Your friend:

-she MUST understand that it is not her fault. Even if she takes her fair share of responsibility for any problems in the marriage (fine), it was his decision to address these problems by cheating. His alone.

-he is living out a bit of a cliche, leaving 2 preschoolers for an OW - typical of a selfish, arrogant man unable to face up to the responsbilities of having a young family. It's really pathetic and it's a shame he couldn't grow up.

Your mother:

-different situation entirely. She will probably feel like someone has died if she has lived with him for decades and he buggers off. This is despite the fact that she may actually be better off without him if he is a serial cheat who makes her miserable.

-she will need a lot of time to adjust

I am really sorry for them both anyway. People can be so thoughtless, selfish and cruel.

tiger66 Wed 23-Feb-11 18:47:03

Not only that my mother is grieving for her own mother as my Dad decided this last time to go to another woman whilst my Mum was watching my Nanna die in hospital.

Grieving for your husband and your own mum is tough. I can only be there for them both and make sure my own husband gets enough attention so it doesn't give him a reason to join in the fun!

caramelwaffle Fri 25-Feb-11 21:09:25

Only just caught up with this: I am so sorry to hear about your mother.

Sometimes you just have to let people know you're available to listen.
For your mother it will feel Exactly like a bereavement - if you can understand the different parts of the process, you can understand your mothers response over the next few months/ years.

If you can - help get them OUT of their houses As Often As Possible.

Take time to look after yourself over the next year: they will need to lean on you A Lot x

caramelwaffle Fri 25-Feb-11 21:10:09

Solicits - her split will ALSO feel exactly like a bereavement.

caramelwaffle Fri 25-Feb-11 21:11:20

Grrrr (auto complete)


hsurp Sat 28-May-11 10:30:57

When my husband left me, my "cousin" (friends of the family's daughter that I grew up with) stayed with me for 3 weeks. She would've stayed longer if I didn't screw up and party too long at someone's house with my bf. I was the total opposite of me. She did end up leaving, I apologized over the phone and she accepted my apology. Just be there for your friend and realize she may do stupid stuff she doesn't realize she is doing because she is hurting so much and trying to get rid of the feeling however she can. Just offer to cook, watch TV with her, maybe go to a club (not always but on days she doesn't have to work that day or after). Just being there will help so much. But she probably won't eat unless someone cooks for her and tells her to eat.

hsurp Sat 28-May-11 10:31:39

Oh, my bf AFTER I was separated. Was NOT right away.

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