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Father in law made me feel like a bad mum(3 Posts)
i have a 5 week newborn who is my first child and so I am trying my best to look after her despite not having any previous experience with babies. The other day my MIL wanted to bath my baby (which I let her do to allow her to feel a bond with my child) and whilst bathing her she notice that under her neck was slightly red and sore. She asked me whether I had been cleaning that area to which I replied yes with wipes an she told me that this was wrong and that's why my babies neck was sore I should have cleaned it with cotton wool. I immediately felt like crap as I didn't mean to hurt my baby . I actually wanted to cry I felt so bad but anyway after that discussion i thought that it was all over but 20 mins later my FIL confronts me about it and asks me why my babies neck is red and I explained I think it's from using wipes not cotton wool but he implied I was a lier and that it was because I wasn't cleaning my baby. I felt really awful because I have been cleaning her and I felt confused because I don't know how it's happened . It's not hurting her and she seems fine and it looks like little spots rather than a sore. This whole situation makes me feel so embarrassed upset and like a bad mum. My FIL also went on to say that if I can do this then what is next ... I feel like everyone thinks I'm incapable of being a mother ... Know I'm sensitive but I won't even let my baby cry for one second and I don't leave her side at all. My in laws have 8 kids so they always try to give me parenting advice. They tried to discourage me from BF saying that my baby is still hungry but I think it's because they want to be able to spend time with the baby without me. They tried to get me to give my newborn water because they said she's dehydrated ... I feel like they are constantly trying to take control of my baby .... My MIL is even trying to persuade me to go back to work ... Again because I feel like they want the baby... When I go to their house .. Which they guilt trip me and my husband to do pretty much 3 times a week which is just too much to me.. They always pass my baby around and hold her which sometimes I don't mind but other times I get such bad anxiety and I can't say anything because I don't want to act irrational. I know my baby feels anxious to because she ends up crying and being very unsettled. At times my in laws do have good intentions but other times they just are over bearing.... I don't know how to stop feeling upset about this ... I'm not a confrontational person so I can't say anything back ... My husband isn't really supportive and I don't have any family because they have disowned me...
I'm so sorry you are going through this. I haven't had this situation but have newborns and in laws around a lot so I can imagine
First go and see doctor about red bit under neck. Newborns are hard to clean it happens to a lot of ppl with first child. Clean and doc may give you some cream. It will clear up
Secondly talk to your health visitor about what's happening. Maybe she can stand up to in laws and make them give you baby.
You need time to breastfeed. If you need to take baby into room and lock door. Or go out and feed in cafe nearby . Will be easier to do it when you are better at bf
Also talk to doc about your feelings. Your hormones also everywhere hence feelings of anxiety on top of I law behaviour. My in laws v nice but even I didn't want anyone holding my baby when he was v little it is a normal instinct but post natal blues also makes you react weirdly.
It will get better.
I know this is old but if you're still around I want you to know that you haven't done anything wrong, everyone's kids get red bits now and then and you were right not to give your baby water. My DC's GP tried to make out I couldn't be a good mum because I'm disabled and they did exactly the same things and it was because they wanted to keep her, but when they had her at visits they were doing old fashioned things I didn't agree with (like sleeping on tummy etc). It was actually emotional abuse and yours sounds the same, I hope things are different for you now
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