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Becoming an AS Parent

(17 Posts)
PixieBach Mon 19-Aug-13 18:01:55

Hi, I have Aspergers but my partner is Neurotypical. We've made the decision to try and conceive grin
Due to my AS I lack friends so please message me smile
Also did any AS parents struggle with pregnancy? And have you had an autistic child?


LittleDragon Wed 04-Sep-13 00:21:22

Hi, I have AS and my son is now 8. I wasn't diagnosed with AS till last year so I can't really say if it affected my pregnancy. My son is just getting assessed for AS now.

I am willing to be friends if you wish, I will PM you as well.

Shannaratiger Fri 20-Sep-13 08:02:44

I have dyspraxia which is on the autism spectrum. Will come back on later when dc's are at school!

Spiraling Mon 23-Sep-13 21:48:53

Well I am. Undx, but definitely am. Ds1 is FHA and ds2 nt, oh I am certain is nt. it's hard, be unrealistic to say it is not. But it is great. I struggle with the whole school thing, and given up trying to socialise with them, which has made it easier in many ways. There is lots you can do together as a family together with no support. The oh does not believe in autism, but handles us brilliantly. If yours knows you can work together to put things into place to help.

I loved being pregnant, really did, ended up with c-sections. No issues with pregnancies. But if you have sensory issues, this could be difficult, I suggest thinking bout this one. I found early stages beautiful and lovely, it's the school aspect that has caused most problems.

Message if want, where are you?

AspieMum2Twinsplus1 Fri 27-Sep-13 09:52:31

I had my children before I had even heard about Aspergers (found out I had it & of its existence through Sure Start workers working with my youngest 2 who spotted similarities between me an an aspie lad they were also working with). All the appointments were tiring (with the second pregnancy being twins by the end hospital appointments were weekly) but I don't think I had any other Aspergers-related problems with the pregnancies. 2 out of my 3 children do have Autistic Spectrum Disorders (my twins) but since my diagnosis my mum & I have spotted that there are/were (some are now dead) a number of probable aspies in my family across all generations.

Mollyweasley Thu 03-Oct-13 14:33:35

I was diagnosed with AS and ADD in may this year after my then 7 year old son was diagnosed with AS. I have 3 children, one with AS, one NT and one ...well not too sure yet! I found yoga for pregnancy really useful as the breathing exercises helped me stay calm during the birth. I love being a mum and especially enjoy being at home with the kids and spend time as a family. I have to say that I have found it difficult staying away from coffee mornings and playground politic ones they start school can be a bit hard but my NT husband has helped me manage this side of things. Good luck with it all, being a mum is great!
ps: So nice to speak to other AS mums!

disorganisedmummy Tue 08-Oct-13 17:30:37

Hi,can any of you give me any advice?I am a mum to 2 boys.My eldest who's 7 is going through the process of being dx with Dyspraxia and Aspergers and the more I've been looking into his issues the more I can see it in myself.It explains so many things but I have no idea how I go about getting dx or even if it will change anything.I'm struggling anough with my son's issues never mine too!
If anyone has any advice,I would be very grateful.

brightonmatt Thu 17-Oct-13 14:31:16

I'm about to become a first-time father aged 53 and have Asperger's. I have an amazingly flexible and practical NT partner, and while we have discussed in depth potential pitfalls, we are both confident that we are aware enough of what may crop up. I have had a lot of CBT, and read a lot about my own condition. I don't see it as an insurmountable hurdle to parenthood at all.

Mollyweasley Thu 17-Oct-13 21:29:37

Disorganised, I just went through this process. I read so much about Aspergers after my son was diagnosed and could relate so much to what I was reading that I could not carry on without knowing. I spoke to my son's psychologist (he was privately diagnosed) and he agreed to carry out the assessment. I am very glad that I did it: for me and for my son. My DS is aware of my diagnosis and doesn't think that he is on his own anymore. He can see that he will be able to lead a "normal life". As I learn to recognise how AS affects me, I feel I can support him better in difficult times and also help him see the beautiful positive sides of AS. I did find the assessment process difficult as I looked at my life through different lenses but I am so grateful that I now know and can make the necessary adjustments while I am still youngish! DH is very understanding and caring and it hasn't affected our relationship at all, if anything it made it stronger.
I think that the Autism Research Centre in Cambridge carry out some free assessments for Adults if you have a referral from your GP (its all on their website) - good luck and let me know if you go for it!

Mollyweasley Thu 17-Oct-13 21:59:54

oh and Brightonman, I agree with you having AS is not an insurmountable hurdle to parenthood especially if you are fully aware of how it affects you.

VikingLady Mon 21-Oct-13 22:05:09

I am partway through the dx process for ASD but def have it. Actually pregnancy, birth and the first 18m haven't been any harder for me than for the nt people I know, as far as I can tell. I am a natural researcher though (it is how I maintain a feeling of control) so research everything thoroughly and then decide how to cope. If you can be at home with the child and really observe them you can spot what they feel/want/need and respond appropriately.

I do have significant sensory problems, particularly with touching people. When I first held DD it felt a bit weird but more like holding a pet than a person (iyswim). I bf and still do, and I think that enforced, regular, intimate contact means I have never built up a resistance to her touch, and she is the sole exception for me - it doesn't feel creepy to touch her or for her to touch me. BF did take a while to get used to though as I never even wore very low cut tops before. My boobs were private!

Small children respond to consistency, and I think AS parents have an advantage with this. Responding to them may not be as instinctive in all respects, but logic (and occasionally the ability to observe detachedly) honestly does help.

DD does look like she will have ASD, though it is presenting slightly differently to me. At least I have a good chance of understanding her as she grows up!

VikingLady Mon 21-Oct-13 22:08:12

Oh, and socialising is easier with DD in tow! It's always the same conversations! How old is your child; What are they doing (walking/talking etc); how are they coping with the weather; when are you going back to work; how is his sleep...

devilinside Mon 21-Oct-13 23:28:15

I was diagnosed last year, DS has HFA. I breezed through pregnancy, detested the baby stage. Met a few mums during the baby stage, but am currently in school gate hell. I like to cuddle my children and am comfortable with eye contact, but only with them, and the cat!

hellokittymania Sat 26-Oct-13 10:55:13

Does anyone know of a way to get assessed privately near london that wouldnt cost a fortune? I have another very obvious disability but some suspect I have HFA.

I manage social skills but get very tired. I have sensory issues and other things.

I don't have a boyfriend or kids.

disorganisedmummy Sat 26-Oct-13 15:01:45

Thanks to everyone who has replied.I'm really finding it hard to decide what to do.Those of you who were dx as an adult,did you go through your gp for referral?
I'm at the point of thinking I need ad's because I just can't stay calm (amongst other things) and when I'm trying to deal with my older son who may have asd we just clash constantly because we're so similar.We're both so rigid.Then I have problems with my younger son who is nt and the polar opposite.
When I look at the triad quite alot fits but then I am quite sociable but I seem to have a limit as to how much I can take.But I do "need" my friends and sometimes I can be too needy iygm.

I have always been obsessive about actors,certain type and when I was younger (teenager) I would collect things about that person and spend far too much time obsessing about them.You might think that's normal behaviour for a teen but it has carried on into my adult life though I have been able to mask it to a degree.

There are many other things but too long to post.I have had depression in the past when it was suspected that ds1 had issues.He has since been dx with dyspraxia and we're waiting referral for aspergers.

For what it's worth,I hated the baby stage with my two.DS1's issues didn't really come out til he was about 3 but it was when ds2 was born that I really struggled as he was so clingy and even now at 5 and half he is still a little like that and I find it unbelievably hard to deal with.

I'm so conflicted.

VikingLady Sat 26-Oct-13 20:05:09

I went to the GP with a printout of a pdf from the National Autism Society website, listing traits of female ASD. I'd ticked all the ones that fitted me.

The GP referred me immediately as she could see I was serious about it and NAS are the authority (so not like dx via Dr Google!).

There is a long waiting list near me as children and those on psychoactive medication get priority.

Jackieharris Sun 03-May-15 08:29:40

I'm finding this pregnancy & impending birth & childcaring quite challenging and I'm starting to connect it to the aspie traits I have. I've never spoken to a GP or other professional about it or sought a diagnosis but my dp & I have had an awareness for years that I display a lot of aspie characteristics.

I am now seeing a clinical psychologist (first time ever) at the maternity hospital due to my medical anxiety. But it's becoming apparent to me that these issues (not wanting people touching me) are actually to do with the asd/sensory issues.

Should I 'come out' to the (student) psychologist that I meet the diagnostic criteria for asd/aspergers (even though it's just a self-assessment)?

I got a bit frustrated after the last appointment as I was trying to explain how hard I found having a baby last time (the lack of routine and isolation was the hardest thing for me) and that I'm dreading going through it again but she just tried to do the cbt thing about how those are just thoughts and not facts and I can't predict the future. But surely past experience is quite a good predictor of future experience? She was saying things like how I'm more mature now (I'm not at all!) and how going to baby groups will give me routine & company (I can't 'do' groups- I just freeze & sit in silence).

I really do t want to end up with a 'label' I have to carry around for the rest of my life. That's why I've avoided seeking a diagnosis before. (And what good would it do anyway?)

But now I'm actually seeing a albeit trainee psychologist maybe this is my opportunity?

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