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Any parents out there with PTSD/ chronic/complex PTSD?(3 Posts)
I just wondered, as it might be good to be able to offer each other support.
I was diagnosed with PTSD over a decade ago, a few years back I was re-diagnosed chronic/ complex PTSD and likely D.I.D.
I cope fairly well, but experience anxiety on a daily basis, find relationships outside the home hard, high stress levels. The worst times are flashbacks when I struggle to feel I can cope.
Am a single mum with two DC, work, low income but do get DLA.
I am under CMHT for possible PTSD, it's been a possibility for years but only now is the GP wanting to get a confirmed diagnosis...
I'm giving up on 'help.' I've tried communicating nicely and assertively. I have brain freeze when in the house. We've got a cat now and when low the two of them curl up by me and seek me out, bring a toy etc. They don't tell me what i should do and it helps. However it gets me down that I think my daughter in particualr has been secondarily traumatised by both seeing me with a hundred yard stare etc , unable to cope enough to cook, clean etc, and particularly that i have communicated most definitely and still not accessed any real help, and everyone keeps telling me i'm depressed grrrrrrrrr. In particular i can't seem to find any behavioural techniques to counter flashback though memory comes back when i have these if i act them out (i'd prefer not to be overwhelmed and have this happen and i tend not to go out now when i feel lower). Did you lose memory too? Its scary and i say to myself "one breath at a time" and "these are just thoughts because my brain is finite and i am human". I found with the cat taking him to play and run around when he was trembly worked on him so am trying same on me. I overtalk to block the stuff surfacing and i tried to keep it all away from my family. Triggers just kept happening. I try and have faith. someone touched me last week in a church after i'd asked them not to and i just yelled stop stop stop and then ran out and cried. I then went home shaky about my outburst as i think the man was trying to be kind and cheer me up and i know he had ect and he think it helped him but it will have brain damaged him and he's old and not that well and would not intentionally upset me, proabbly thought it would help me in the way some people do. I always feel ashamed partly and the other half is angry when things like that happen. I feel like i'm undressed and everyone knows something has happened and it doesn't feel like a temper tantrum at all. It happens so quickly i react and then my mind catches up afterwards and i am left shaky and feeling i've just been in a car crash type feeling. They say its better out than in but my personal opinion is I'd rather feel in control of myself. I can't seem to find anyone medical who can diagnose and give me real support and they are surprised when they push me beyond what i can manage that this behaviuor comes but I am all too aware of it and know some but not all of the triggers. It's totally weird getting memory back and i feel like an older and a younger person distinct and different but all in the same body but its an odd feeling, reexperiencing. Sometimes one bit of experience feels like a dream and sometimes it will be the other bit. There isn't any sort of joined up feeling yet that it is all me. I've got an idea on this but don't know anyone who is able ot help me with it. I had plenty of distinct traumas i could talk about to explain my bh but I'm still avoiding, even inside myself, so don't really have ability to sort what i don't know and am having to work on trusting my inner being to be there for me. I'd love to know if you find anything that works. Have teenager at home too and have to keep walking away. Its making me very sad.
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