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Does anyone else feel such huge guilt?

(3 Posts)
DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved Thu 15-Nov-12 17:59:36

I feel so rubbish as I can't give my ds a 'normal' upbringing. It breaks my heart to see him learning that mummies stay in bed & never get up, & he's going to learn that I'm different from everyone else's mothers.

I wish I could give him a normal life & shield him from this & I feel like I am destroying his innocence & security by me being ill & upset & unable to do the things I need to do for him.

I yearn to take him to the park, to make friends with other mums at his nursery, to do play dates... & I worry that he will have trouble making friends & generally being in society without me.

amazingmumof6 Fri 16-Nov-12 01:15:41

my oh my, quite the opposite!
I think he will grow up to be a caring loving man, who will not take anything for granted!
kids are actually more resilient and accepting than we think and he will know that you are the way you are not by choice, but by circumstances, which will make him a more understanding human being!

I doubt that you are destroying him in any way - if you have a good relationship with him, you hug, kiss and chat and he's generally happy (and no probs at nursery/school), and you can laugh and cry together and he trusts you and knows he means the world to you, than you've done a good job and he will be just fine!

I had a miscarriage 4 years ago and for the next 6 months I was pretty useless, and cried a lot. I was devastated to loose a baby and I have bad days still about it. I explained to kids about all of this and they were pretty understanding and showed such love and care towards me it was beautiful!
If they caught me crying they would just hug me to comfort me or say some lovely things to cheer me up.

yes, it is hard for you and I'm sorry you can't do all the things you want, but he will adjust, you'll be surprised!

please, please give guilt a bag to pack, let yourself be sad or angry, but you shouldn't feel guilty, total waste of time & energy!

DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved Sat 17-Nov-12 15:01:32

Well amazing in more than name!

That's a really interesting perspective, a world apart from mine. I think I have to try & think differently. Hard though.

I think am worried mainly about helping him socialise & not leaving him exposed in situations where having me there would give him the confidence to flourish. It's triggering cos I had a very unhappy childhood w parents incapable of protecting me & teaching me how to interact w others & make friends. I was vulnerable & alone & swore my children would never feel like that. Difference is my parents were physically capable, just not very good at being parents. I need to remember that my Ds is getting a very different life, in every way. I hope he feels absolute unconditional love from me which should give him a very different base from my own childhood. And so maybe the outside world won't be as scary & he so lost in it ...

I wish I knew how best to help him learn how to interact w people & deal w social situations, I hate that I can't be with him all the time, & I get so scared he ll end up being teased & bullied for being different, having no dad & a disabled mum sad

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