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terrribly depressed

(5 Posts)
Twinmumof2 Fri 01-Jun-12 12:31:35

I hate my life and love my children. I have a bad back and cannot lift them, they are disabled and cannot stand up. I have been fighting to get help from social services but rather than helping they want to take my children into care. My husband has arthritis my mum lives with us - she is nearly 70 - I do employ people to help but I seem to have to fight my husband and mum every time I feel I need more help - they just say we are fine when we are not fine. I want to give up. I feel like phoning social services and saying just come and get them. I can't cope feeling this bad anymore. I wish I had died giving birth. I can't cope any more.

jwpetal Fri 01-Jun-12 13:29:39

I am a mum of 1 + 2. My twins were born at 30 weeks and were in and out of the hospital for the first year. Both are with special needs. I found the first couple of years extremely difficult and isolating. recently, I went to see my GP as I was not coping. My thoughts were similar to the ones you listed above and worse. It was causing problems in my family. Please contact your GP and ask for help. PND and Post traumatic stress can be diagnosed years later. I finally agreed to try medication in tandem with counselling, which has really helped me. I am not saying to do this, but wanted let you know there is help and you are not alone. If you don't feel comfortable talking to your GP, try contacting MIND or the Samaritans which are manned by trained counsellors. I know how difficult it is to do this both physically and mentally but take the step and it may help.

Butterflyface Sat 02-Jun-12 15:25:39

Gosh, I'm so sorry you feel like this Twinmum. Twins are exhausting for most people, and if you have additional challenges with their health, your husband's health, your health AND your mum lives with you, it's not surprising that you feel overwhelmed, whether you get help or not!
I think that if you're the primary carer of the house, then you have every right to get ss to reassess you for your needs. Keep on at them - have a carer's assessment, get the other's assessed, just keep reiterating that you don't want them to take the children away, and outline how much more expensive that would be for them! Also, yes, I agree with jwpetal, ask for help from the GP. I have quite a different circumstance but I recently did a course of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, and for all it's happy-clappy connotations I found it to be a really good way of arming yourself against feeling like this, and it gave me the tools to think about things in a more positive and assertive way.

I hope you manage to pull out of it and get things running better for you. <un-mnetty hugs>

flowerflo Sun 10-Jun-12 19:27:40

Hi twinmum. How are you doing? I felt so sad to read your post and wish I could do something to help. How old are your children? Have you had any help from the OT's at social services? Do you have any supportive friends that can help advocate for you to get extra help? I can't lift my daughter very well but have lots of equipment at home and have just had an adapted cot made by a charity so that I can get her out without bending over (I have a muscle wasting disease). How much help do you get at the moment and how much do you need? Perhaps you could list the things that you struggle with the most and we could try to come up with some ideas. It sounds like you really need some emotional support as well as practical help. Keep going back to your GP and SS. I'm sure you are a great mum and you deserve to be happy and deserve as much support as is needed. Keep in touch. I know this board is fairly quiet but we are here if you need support x

SunnyCarrie Wed 08-Aug-12 14:21:39

Oh god that is really sad.

There are always solutions.

Like FlowerFlo said,there are excellent charities which will adapt things like cots, she has obviously had hers done and I got mine done through a charity called REMAP. These guys are great, I think they are old boy engineers, architects, technology designers etc. They are volunteers who do their best to adapt any item you have in your home to suit your needs for example heightening cots, when I was doing my a levels they even came into my biology lab and built me a turntable so I could reach a Bunsen burner, microscope and test samples even though I have no reach, now used in my kitchen for cooking haha! Maybe they can help?

Social Services are so strapped for cash at the moment they are really very poor in services and sadly most the staff agree they are struggling to keep heads above water, however there are charities they are linked to that are more useful and practical in help. There are even services that can even come in and help you carry out parenting tasks I believe, not used these but know of their existence. you. Remember when dealing with SS there is adult social services for your and husband needs so OTs can asess for your physical difficulties, then there is Children's SS for your children's needs as they are disabled and every disabled child has a right to as normal life as possible and really you should be getting key workers for them who can perhaps help you get them out to swimming pools etc. Always, always write to any SS team and ask for written response back. If they muck up to the point you are this unhappy then heads can roll and there is nothing harder for them to wriggle out off than when a letter of desperate need has been ignored and needs failed to be met sufficiently !

Disabled Parents Network are fantastic, they are on the web but also on Facebook. You are not alone, there are many disabled parents out there and they can offer a variety of support and ideas, they even offer staff members to act as a representative for you in the battle of Direct Payments for carers for you and or your children etc. You will find a lot of information on here.

Right am off to take no silliness from the Disabled Facilities Grant team about ramping an entrance to my home for me as a wheelchair using mum.

Please please don't feel that there is no one there, we are all here, in this group, all have lots of ideas to suggest and you are not alone.


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