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Why is my Dad like this?

(12 Posts)
PlopPlopPing Thu 07-Apr-11 10:45:46

Hi, sorry if this is in the wrong place, wasn't sure where to put it.

My dad has always been slightly spacey but more recently I have been wondering why he is the way he is.

He is quiet unorganised, even his collegues at work have commented on that, I think he has trouble ordering the jobs he does.

When looking at (for eg) a pack of photos that everyone else wants to see he will look at one and then put it down next to him, the next one he'll put at the back of the pack, the next he'll pass to the person on his left and the next to the person on his right. This drives me crazy but it doesn't seem to occur to him to pass them all in the same direction and instead they get muddled up and no one person will see all of them! (Maybe you'll think this is not a big deal but I've always found it very odd).

He gets lost incredibly easy. Particularly in hospitals or buildings like that. He will go to get a coffee or magazine and be gone for ages because he can't find his way back. A hour later he may get lost again!

Talking to him can be hard as you can only keep his attention for a matter or seconds (sometimes longer if it's very interesting). You can see his attention going in his eyes. Actually found that very upsetting growing up as it felt like he wasn't interested in what I was saying . . . still upsets me now actually. Often when talking to him and I lose his attention I have to shout to get it back, but then it goes again soon enough. Sometimes he starts a conversation himself while I am still talking (maybe i'm boring!) and will just talk over me like he hasn't heard me.

He is incredibly clumsy and puts things down on his chair and then sits on them and breaks them even though he only put them there a few seconds ago.

If he isn't sure how something works instead of thinking about it he just yanks/pokes/bashes etc and often breaks things but doesn't always notice.

He loses things all the time.

If I tell him not to do something with my dcs because it's dangerous, he'll listen, agree and then do it seconds later. I tell him again and he'll say "oh yeah" and then he'll do it again. It means he can't look after his gcs by himself which is sad. He is aware that he is like this a bit but I think he mostly just thinks he's stupid which he is not.

Thats all I can think of right now.

Thanks for reading.

PlopPlopPing Thu 07-Apr-11 11:03:45

Hi, just realised I should have put this in parents with disabilities as that seems more appropriate so have asked to have it moved.

PlopPlopPing Thu 07-Apr-11 11:20:12

Thanks MN!

PlopPlopPing Thu 07-Apr-11 11:39:30

Also forgot to mention that he relays information is LOADS of detail. He might be telling me that he got an appointment in the post but instead of just saying that, he will tell me about how the postman came and then he saw the letter and though "oh what is this" and then how he opened it and exactly what it said, and then maybe about how he had to phone to confirm it and how nice the woman on the phone was and what she said to him exactly etc.

Wow my thread has 4 posts and they are all by me!

mrsjaja Fri 08-Apr-11 12:18:15

Dont know what to say plop (love the name btw), but didnt want you to be the only one posting on your thread...wink.

Have you had him to the doctor??? Might be a good idea, or has he always been a bit "nutty professor" ish???

PlopPlopPing Fri 08-Apr-11 13:08:45

Yeah it's not a new thing. I would be very worried if he had just suddenly gone like this but it's just the way he is. Sort of wondered if it had a name or something.

quirrelquarrel Mon 11-Apr-11 18:17:15

Might be ADD? Possibly?
But does it really interfere with his life?

PlopPlopPing Tue 12-Apr-11 11:19:26

It interferes with his life in that he can only do manual type jobs and wasn't able to do a college course as he couldn't get his head around it. Socially he has difficulties and doesn't have much in the way of friends which is a shame as he could really use them. Because his conversations are so one-sided and he doesn't seem to listen I think it gets in the way of building friendships. He doesn't seem to read other people that well and know what steps to take to build friendships. Even when I talk to him I might say that I've just got up and he will say sorry and go to hang up but that's not what I mean at all, I'm just making conversation.

I had wondered before if it was ADD. Also wondered about Dyspraxia as he's so clumsy and Aspergers as I suspect my sibling has this.

FickleFreckle Fri 03-Jun-11 09:16:49

PlopPlopPing (I love the name too!) I know this is an old thread but am resurrecting it to say this is screaming ADD and dyspraxia at me as I have had some of the same problems. I have taught myself social skills, listening skills, etc. to the extent that people actually have said this is a strength for me but organisation is still a big problem. I do think your dad would benefit from finding out more but you will have to tread carefully - some people are hugely relieved to find out their problems have a name and solutions but others are very defensive and in denial thinking you are confirming their worst fears that they are "defective". Good luck, I do hope you get somewhere with this or at the least it helps you have some patience with your dad's quirks as it can be very difficult dealing with a family member with an undiagnosed disability.

TotallyLovely Tue 14-Jun-11 11:12:02

FickleFreckle Hi this is the OP, I'm always name changing. I have often wondered about ADD and dyspraxia. I can't imagine my dad wanting to look into it really, it's more me that is interested. I think, well I'm pretty sure, that my brother has something too and when I talk to my dad about it he looks like he has no idea what I am talking about, like it had never occured to him.

My brother is different to my dad but has some unusual things about him. He moves constantly from one foot to the other when standing, has eye contact issues, low understanding of things, horrendous temper and violent outbursts, walks on his toes, talks in a shout all the time, his reactions (anger or laughter) are extreme and out of proportion, and various other things which make me wonder if he is ASD/Aspergers.

I might mention how scatty my dad is next time I see him and see what he says. I could gently suggest he see the dr but I don't think he would see any point in that.

How do you go about getting a diagnosis for something like this as an adult? Dr? How do they assess you?

I have always been interested in why my dad and brother are like they are but also am aware it is hereditary so worry about my own children.

Thanks for you reply.

TheDuckster Tue 14-Jun-11 16:39:19

Aspergers sounds a possibility.

Getting a formal diagnosis as an adult can be quite difficult. Via the NHS will take an awfully long time. It is possible to get a private dx but it is expensive.

As a starting point there are quite a few online tests which might be a useful starting point. For example:

dolfrog Thu 07-Jul-11 00:15:23

It is poosbile to have co- morbid disabilities, and some have already mentioned dyspraxia and ADHD.
Having listening problems is an Auditory Processing Disorder (APD) or not being able to process all that you hear, which includes speech, sirens alarms all sound based information. APD has only recently been identified and the UK Medical Research Council only started APD research in 2004

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