My DF is going into care tomorrow..

(9 Posts)
Phwooooar Tue 09-Feb-21 11:12:31

That's it really. I'm feeling terribly sad for him and have no idea how to feel better about it. He's been living with my brother for the last 5 years since dementia diagnosis (my brother "acquired" his assets and cash to provide a home for DF in his dotage but this happened sooner than we anticipated). I support my brother in that he needs to get his life back rather than look after DF (he's been unemployed for many years) but am just feeling desperately sad.

Any words of wisdom/support from those of you who have been through this?

OP’s posts: |
Phwooooar Tue 09-Feb-21 18:04:07


OP’s posts: |
flygirl767 Fri 12-Feb-21 17:01:27

Hi sorry to hear your DF is going into a home but it does sound like it is likely the best place for him. It is totally natural to feel sad at this point.

Are you local to the home in that you can visit? I would leave him to settle in first anyway but maybe send in some of this favourite goodies to cheer him up. Hopefully the CH will enable you too keep in touch with him via iPad or similar?

This board is pretty quiet at times so maybe post on elderly parents for more advice.

thesandwich Fri 12-Feb-21 17:05:47

Sorry to hear this. Your db has done well keeping him at home for so long.
Dementia is such a cruel disease.
Can you send photos or copies to the home with info about your df’s family, past interests, work etc to help them interact with him?

rwalker Fri 12-Feb-21 17:13:07

The main thing a care home can offer is safety and dignity to your dad.

My dad is still at home and it really isn't the best place for him my mums on her knees carers come 4 times a day.
In the past he's fallen i've had to change him .
Care homes can offer company and stimulation to your dad .
My dad is stuck in 1 room with a tele and the odd conversion off my mum.He was in hospital for 2 months last year and the difference of him being in a stimulating environment was massive .
Just to be sat in a care home lounge with other people and things going on can be a massive help to his condition.

Phwooooar Fri 12-Feb-21 18:30:46

Thank you for your replies. Dementia is awful - I just think that he's too well aware of where he is at the moment. My DB has told him he's going there to stay while Covid is around as my SIL has to go to London now and then and more risk brining it home. I agree he'll have more stimulation - he was just sitting on his own in front of the tv. DB has said not to visit him for a couple of weeks to help him settle. I've bought a digital photo album which can be loaded remotely so will get that set up for him when I can visit. It just seems like "end of the road".

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thesandwich Fri 12-Feb-21 19:04:47

I’m sorry.
He may well have lots more good days to come- you and DB can focus on visiting rather than caring. When this is over you could take him out- we did with fil and mil( had to stop her doing a runner on several occasions)
This isn’t the end- jus5 a different phase. But it will feel like grief too. 🌺


Phwooooar Fri 12-Feb-21 21:44:35

@thesandwich thank you for your lovely words - it helps x

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CoffeeRunner Fri 12-Feb-21 21:51:44

I have worked with patients with dementia in all it’s various stages for more than 20 years.

Good luck to you & your family. Be prepared for DF to have a temporary deterioration when he enters the care home, it is common for patients to struggle to settle initially as dementia is worse when sufferers are unfamiliar with their surroundings.

He will settle however. He absolutely will.

I have a family history of cancer, with very few living past the age of 70. I am still more afraid of dementia. It is a vile illness. Please take some comfort from the knowledge that your dad will be being cared for by people who are used to dealing with his difficulties & can hopefully settle him in quickly.

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