MIL had a fall last night

[confusedofengland]

MIL is 71 & has vascular dementia, diagnosed about 2 years ago. She lives at home with FIL.

She is now at the stage where she cannot be left alone. She often doesn't recognise FIL. However, she always knows DH, me & the DC. She can have coherent conversations some days, although this is not guaranteed, it's maybe 50/50. She gets confused & sometimes upset at night & sometimes can't sleep.

Last night, she got up in the night to go to the toilet & fell, in the bathroom. Apparently FIL heard a noise & asked what had happened & she replied that she had fallen. Then after that she got confused & disorientated. The ambulance came out & wanted to take her in to hospital but she wouldn't go & FIL was not keen for her to go as he can't go with her, due to Covid. She does not remember anything this morning.

I am struggling with how to support DH in all this. We live 120 miles away from PIL & they are in a Tier 3 area. I have said he should go & see them but he is reluctant, says there is nothing he can do & he wouldn't be allowed inside with them anyway. I said that if it's an emergency it wouldn't matter. There is also the issue that we need the car to take DS1 to school & pick him up, so DH could only have the car between 8.15am & 4pm, meaning he could only have a couple of hours up there. I have tried being reassuring but DH doesn't want to hear it. Any ideas how I can support him?

Sorry this is long, this has shaken me & also DH, although he won't admit it.

[JingleJohnsJulie]

What an awful situation to be in. Have your DH and FIL got a clear idea of how the disease progresses and what their plans are for the future?

We found that with our FIL he just kept saying that "I want to keep her at home" without any clear idea of what that would actually mean for them both long term.

Has your FIL got the support of the local Carer's Hub and does DMIL have a SW?

If she's getting up in the night, I think she might be best having an assessment fir her needs although I'm not sure how you would go about that now they've refused hospital.