Mum just diagnosed with Alzheimers

(19 Posts)
Jungfraujoch Tue 02-Oct-18 09:31:42

Getting to grips with this - although she hasn’t been ‘right’ for sometime. My question is can we prepare an LPA even though my Dad is still currently able to look after finances etc? Do we have to have one for each parent?

I’m confused as to how it works?!

OP’s posts: |
stellabird Tue 02-Oct-18 09:37:50

You need one for each parent. If your Dad died, and you didn't have a LPA for your mother, you'd be in trouble. I think you may have left this a bit late to be honest - LPAs should be done when the person has their full mental capacity. See a solicitor - if she is still able to understand what an LPA is, he might still agree to do one.

jasmineforever Tue 02-Oct-18 10:20:22

Firstly, I'm sorry about your mum's diagnosis. My mum is in the late stages now and it's very hard but we've had quite a few years post diagnosis where she was 'well'. We made the most of that time.
Re LPA, you can make one to be used in the event of capacity being compromised. We made one with my mum after diagnosis that she signed and we had witnessed but that we didn't activate until she could no longer manage. She was single though so I'm not sure how it would work. Maybe your dad and you could have LPA for your Mum and then you have one for your dad that was only activated but the event it was needed?

Jasmineforever Tue 02-Oct-18 10:22:47

You don't actually need a solicitor, it can all be done online and printed. You need witnesses who are happy that your mum understands and we also had a notice of intent or something similar that we sent to my auntie (mum's closest relative) to inform her and give her the opportunity to object should she feel the need.

jasmineforever Tue 02-Oct-18 10:23:58

Name change fail. The last two posts are both meblush

Jungfraujoch Tue 02-Oct-18 10:31:26

Stellabird - Mum understands so is fine to agree to LPA. Jasmine - I was thinking that we need to ha e one for each parent even though Dad is still in control of everything currently. Prob best to check with solicitor.

Thanks all for your help.

OP’s posts: |
HoleyCoMoley Tue 02-Oct-18 17:36:42

You will need l.p.a. for both parents individually. There are two types, one for finances and one for health and welfare. The financial one has the option that the attorney can deal with finances at any time once it's been registered with the office of the public guardian. Your dad might find this useful if he wants help. The health one can only be used once the donor has lost mental capacity to make decisions about their care, treatment, where they live. The donor is the person applying, ie your parents. The attorney is the person or persons they want to act on their behalf. The certificate provider is an independent person signing to say the donor has capacity and understands and agrees to the process. This can be someone they have known for at least 2 years or a professional like a g.p. social worker or solicitor who will charge for this. Having a dementia diagnosis doesn't automatically mean it's too late but if it is you can apply for guardianship. All the info is on the gov.uk site under power of attorney. You can download it, apply online or they will send you the forms. They cost around 80pound each to register.

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Jungfraujoch Tue 02-Oct-18 18:07:46

Thank you Holey for the very clear explanation! Just been online to look at forms etc.

OP’s posts: |
jellyandsoup Tue 02-Oct-18 18:18:13

Just wanted to say hi, i am a little further down the road in that my mun was diagnosed in Feb, like you we knew something wasn't right and mum described it like a weight had been lifted because there was a reason, but looking back it hit me hard!! I found it all consuming and just kept interrupting normal thoughts with "but my mum has Alzheimer's". Mum is doing ok now and i am much more balanced about it. I guess what I am trying to say is look after yourself too, this is a hard road but we do have good days.

Mum and Dad go to a dementia cafe which they love, so many activites zumba, curling, craft and help advice and support for carers.
Some really good advice by pp about lpa, we have done mums, but still need to do them for dad.

Jungfraujoch Tue 02-Oct-18 20:18:11

Hi jelly
Thank you for your thoughts, glad to hear you’re dealing with things now even though it’s difficult.

Dementia cafe sounds great although that sort of thing is my Mums worse nightmare! Be a miracle if she’d ever go to anything like that - so frustrating that she won’t even give a try!

OP’s posts: |
jellyandsoup Wed 03-Oct-18 03:23:08

I never thought my dad would go but he did and loved it, Ok as a carer so a bit different but even so, she might surprise you.

Jungfraujoch Sun 10-Mar-19 07:35:21

Hello again. Well, we’re having some tougher times. Mum is now extremely hostile a lot of the time towards Dad - says she hates him, he irritates her and never should have married him. Often accuses him of deliberately hiding stuff so she can’t find it. Dad had a knee replacement 6 weeks ago which put her in a spin - completely couldn’t cope, lots of tears and shouting. Flatly refused any help and accused us of interfering. Her memory is much worse, took her out yesterday for the day and by last night she was ringing me to ask what she’d had for lunch. I know it’s the disease but bloody hell its hard - feel so sorr6 for Dad.

OP’s posts: |
Questionsmorequestions Sun 10-Mar-19 08:05:09

From my experience and wishing we had done this when my father was first diagnosed. If there is any chance or need of adapting the house to suit them better doit asap. We left it too late and then neither parent would have coped with either moving of building.
Wishing you strength to deal with this cruel disease.

Jungfraujoch Sun 10-Mar-19 08:19:53

Sorry to hear that questions. They are fairly well set up already having put in a downstairs bathroom a few years back and last year a stair lift. It’s things like when we suggest maybe labelling a few bits to help Mum she refuses. Example - she wonders why there is so much suds in the washing machine, it’s because it’s concentrate so only need to use half a capful rather than a full one. I suggested putting a label on the bottle to remind her - “ I’ll remember” she said! Obviously I couldn’t say “no you won’t!” ArggHHH!

OP’s posts: |
PurpleWithRed Sun 10-Mar-19 08:27:16

Fil is early stage too, I have quite a lot of work contact with people with dementia and every stage has its challenge.

My feeling is not to sweat the small stuff like suds in the washing machine, irritating though they are; watch out for the big stuff like cancelling the car insurance because you can;t drive any more and cancelling MIL at the same time, who can and does drive.... Is she an internet user?

PurpleWithRed Sun 10-Mar-19 08:27:57

Also start investigating respite - find out which homes locally offer respite stays, what the costs are if they will be self funding etc.

cptartapp Sun 10-Mar-19 08:29:49

Have a look at the 'Talking Point' forum for people with and carers of those with Alzheimer's. Full of good advice.

Jungfraujoch Sun 10-Mar-19 08:57:45

Thanks all, I often look at the Alzheimer’s site and it is very helpful. Mum doesn’t drive or use a mobile or computer. She’s always been extremely low tech - struggles with a normal phone or the tv remote! I think what we’re finding the most frustrating g is that we can see ways to reduce her anxiety and frustration when she can’t find things or forgets dates etc. But will just not entertain any practical ways that might help like labelling stuff. Will this change?!

OP’s posts: |
MereDintofPandiculation Mon 11-Mar-19 08:55:29

If she's going to change, she has to admit to herself that she's losing her marbles, and that's a very scary thing to admit.

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