I went to see her with my mum. She's in her 80s and in a very good care home. She's recently moved to a section of the home for dementia patients. It's a great home and she's well looked after. But a little piece of my heart broke when she didn't recognise me. She was so tired and confused about where she was, looked so frail and at times frightened. It's such a cruel illness.
Solidarity to others with relatives suffering 
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.
Dementia & Alzheimer's
Today my grandmother failed to recognise me for the first time
11 replies
rainbowfudgee · 17/02/2018 15:42
OP posts:
retirednow ·
17/02/2018 18:33
This is such a sad and terrible illness, I am so glad to hear she is well looked after and you sound a very loving family. She may have been a bit disorientated after moving rooms.
rainbowfudgee ·
17/02/2018 21:21
Thanks for your reply. Yes, moving rooms has thrown her. The nursing staff said they were redecorating her old room to start with, then encouraged us (the family) to make a fuss about how nice the new room is. Eventually she will accept it- some pieces of furniture and ornaments from her old house have been sent up in replication of the old room. At a few moments today she held her head in her hands and said 'there are too many thoughts in my head'. When we left she wanted to come too and kept asking to come to our houses... we had to ask a nurse to put her back in her room. I cried 3 times today 
OP posts:
YetAnotherUser ·
17/02/2018 21:29
I remember when my grandmother first stopped remembering who I was. For a while she could remember that I was the grandson that visited her the most, but all too quickly I became a complete stranger.
I think I was her only visitor towards the end.
Popopokemon ·
17/02/2018 21:56
Oh OP and every one else on this thread.. my heart goes out to you, I can’t imagine how you are feing
My Grandmother has been forgetting things for a while and they are just starting tests for dementia and putting support in place for her and my Grandad. She already carries photos around of the family and is constantly writing our birthdays and bits down. It makes me really sad, and I can’t imagine what she must be going through too
noraclavicle ·
17/02/2018 21:58
Yes, the day my mum no longer recognised me was like a punch to the solar plexus. Sympathy
The thing that keeps me going is that the last time I saw her before she went into her final decline she looked at me and DS and DD with such tenderness and love that I couldn’t quite believe that the previous few years of detachment had even happened...
Lovelylovelyladies ·
17/02/2018 22:17
Oh it's so so sad.
You have to remember that deep down in her heart and right at the back of her brain somewhere, you are there and she loves you.
My grandfather didn't know who I was from very early on. He had no interest in seeing me and would get very upset if I tried to visit. In the end I had to stop visiting. It was heart breaking.
My grandmother on the other hand (his wife) didn't ever forget me. Until her last days she knew who I was. I was the only person she remembered. My dad died when I was little. I used to sit in her room in her care home and listen to her tell me how much I looked like him. I think she remembered me so well because she didn't want to forget her son.
I hope you get some more visits with her soon.
It is very up and down and there are good days and bad days. I hope you catch her again soon on a good day.
Stay strong
Toooldtobearsed ·
17/02/2018 22:24
Oh OP, it is the most awful thing.
I always say that my mum died two years before her body realised.
Sometimes it was funny, the things she said, sometimes sad, but usually tragic.
It is the most cruel, horrible and emotionally shit stirring disease ever.
Take care, and I wish you well
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.