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Today my grandmother failed to recognise me for the first time

(12 Posts)
rainbowfudgee Sat 17-Feb-18 15:42:32

I went to see her with my mum. She's in her 80s and in a very good care home. She's recently moved to a section of the home for dementia patients. It's a great home and she's well looked after. But a little piece of my heart broke when she didn't recognise me. She was so tired and confused about where she was, looked so frail and at times frightened. It's such a cruel illness.
Solidarity to others with relatives suffering flowers

retirednow Sat 17-Feb-18 18:33:47

This is such a sad and terrible illness, I am so glad to hear she is well looked after and you sound a very loving family. She may have been a bit disorientated after moving

rainbowfudgee Sat 17-Feb-18 21:21:42

Thanks for your reply. Yes, moving rooms has thrown her. The nursing staff said they were redecorating her old room to start with, then encouraged us (the family) to make a fuss about how nice the new room is. Eventually she will accept it- some pieces of furniture and ornaments from her old house have been sent up in replication of the old room. At a few moments today she held her head in her hands and said 'there are too many thoughts in my head'. When we left she wanted to come too and kept asking to come to our houses... we had to ask a nurse to put her back in her room. I cried 3 times today sad

YetAnotherUser Sat 17-Feb-18 21:29:15


I remember when my grandmother first stopped remembering who I was. For a while she could remember that I was the grandson that visited her the most, but all too quickly I became a complete stranger.

I think I was her only visitor towards the end.

AccidentallyRunToWindsor Sat 17-Feb-18 21:35:44

This is my mum right now. She talks about her two lovely girls and what a shame it is her boy died

The boy was my twin. The girls are my sisters. Not sure who she thinks I am.

Mrsknackered Sat 17-Feb-18 21:49:35

Not my grandma, but DP's Grandma who I have known for many years. We saw her recently for her 77th birthday, and she became very distressed with me being there. Started shouting 'please get out' and 'who is she'. I left very quickly, and tried to hide that it had upset me. DP was more upset than me, thankfully, she recognised our eldest - but it has made me wonder about our next visits, and whether it's fair to take DS1 as I know it would really upset him and he's too young to understand sad

Otterseatpuffinsdontthey Sat 17-Feb-18 21:56:28


Popopokemon Sat 17-Feb-18 21:56:32

Oh OP and every one else on this thread.. my heart goes out to you, I can’t imagine how you are feing flowers

My Grandmother has been forgetting things for a while and they are just starting tests for dementia and putting support in place for her and my Grandad. She already carries photos around of the family and is constantly writing our birthdays and bits down. It makes me really sad, and I can’t imagine what she must be going through too sad

noraclavicle Sat 17-Feb-18 21:58:29

Yes, the day my mum no longer recognised me was like a punch to the solar plexus. Sympathy flowers

The thing that keeps me going is that the last time I saw her before she went into her final decline she looked at me and DS and DD with such tenderness and love that I couldn’t quite believe that the previous few years of detachment had even happened...

Lovelylovelyladies Sat 17-Feb-18 22:17:52

Oh it's so so sad.
You have to remember that deep down in her heart and right at the back of her brain somewhere, you are there and she loves you.

My grandfather didn't know who I was from very early on. He had no interest in seeing me and would get very upset if I tried to visit. In the end I had to stop visiting. It was heart breaking.
My grandmother on the other hand (his wife) didn't ever forget me. Until her last days she knew who I was. I was the only person she remembered. My dad died when I was little. I used to sit in her room in her care home and listen to her tell me how much I looked like him. I think she remembered me so well because she didn't want to forget her son.

I hope you get some more visits with her soon.
It is very up and down and there are good days and bad days. I hope you catch her again soon on a good day.

Stay strong

Toooldtobearsed Sat 17-Feb-18 22:24:30

Oh OP, it is the most awful thing.

I always say that my mum died two years before her body realised.

Sometimes it was funny, the things she said, sometimes sad, but usually tragic.

It is the most cruel, horrible and emotionally shit stirring disease ever.

Take care, and I wish you well flowers

rainbowfudgee Sun 18-Feb-18 01:44:52

Thank you for the kind messages. She lives 2 hours from me and 6 hours from my mum. It's mum I feel for most. We spent all day travelling there to see her and back but after 1 hour of us being there she was getting distressed and needing us to go (but wanted us to stay).
Having a parent going through this must be heart breaking- the role reversal, the sadness of losing the person who loved you most.

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