Dementia and retirement villages - yes or no?

[IsabelFW]

Hello girls,

I am in huge problem, and I need some advice, or experience stories if it is possible.

My mother have Alzheimer, and it is pretty bad now, but she still has some consecutive days of consciousness, when she is present like nothing ever happened. On the other hand my dad is in great condition and he is now dedicated to her.

They are living near us, but recently, my dad got an idea that it would be much better if they go to live out of town. And that horrifies both, me and my sister. Because, they won't be near, and hospital won't be either. My mum needs constant health care, and I am not ready to believe to some new doctors - strangers

Than my sister got some proposal from her friend. She told us that if we consider homes they will be provided with best health care 24/7, but they will also have their peace on the river side.

This seems like okay option, but than I realised that we need to buy home there, not just pay monthly cost. And this don't give any sense.
Is it possible to re-sell those things later?

Did you have any experience on this things?

[IsabelFW]

I am not good at this linking things. I was thinking on retirement homes. :D

[retirednow]

Do you mean a nursing home for your mum. What care does she need. Why can't they stay where they are and have carers at home.

[IsabelFW]

My father doesn't want to live in the city any more.

And he is obsessed with idea that country side will help my mum to get better.

He has diabetes so he need health checks from time to time - he is able to give himself injections, tho.

On the other hand, my mum can't do anything by herself, except on the days when she is present - then she is cooking all the time actually.

So, I can't just let them to go, but I can't argue with my father any mor, either. :(

[retirednow]

OH dear it sounds difficult for you. Before they make any decisions I suggest the GP comes to speak to them both, your mum will need a community care assessment which either the GP or the local social services can arrange. Does anyone have power of attorney for your parents. Don't argue with your dad but say you would like them to stay nearer to you so you can visit and help them. If everyone agrees it is safe for them to move then you could look at warden flats but they are expensive to run and there is not 24 7 care on hand. Your mum could have carers coming in to her there. A retirement home usually has a warden, it's the same thing. If they can afford it they can buy one and sell their house.

[Doctordonowt]

Not all private retirement complexes will accept someone with Alzheimer’s. We applied for my parents to McCarthy Stone and they said no. My Dds ILs have moved into a complex where they will take Alzheimer’s sufferers. It has given DD’s FiL a new lease of life and he is now less reliant on family.

The pros for him are that there is no worry about house or garden maintenance. Lots of companionship and activities. Other residents who know what it is like to be a carer and are willing to sit with his wife for an hour. Knowing that she is in a safe environment. There is no warden and it is eye-wateringly expensive, but not anywhere near the cost of care homes.

It has also given peace of mind to my SiL. He now does not have to keep worrying that his mum will escape, that his dad is lonely also the huge benefit of not having to give up so much of his spare time to do jobs for them.

[IsabelFW]

It was few very taught weeks, I need to say.

Thank you for all your words.

We also had that problem - we knocked on several retirement centers and in the end we just needed to settle with house care. We found a house on the river, it is still in the city, but it looks like countryside. Somehow works for all of us. With a little more effort and time.