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Just Need to Offload

(10 Posts)
ohreallyohreallyoh Sun 19-Nov-17 15:13:55

My mum is 82, I am an only child and a single parent. She is not diagnosed because she managed to discharge herself - not sure how. But is clear she had dementia (the investigations were for vascular dementia) and that for whatever reason, any memory she has of me is gone. She is coping well at home, has friends etc and we visit every week but I have walked away today because she got annoyed with me that I tried to make it clear who I am (last week I got accused of key stealing but it was clear she was accusing the woman who had visited her, not me although of course I was the visitor). She got huffy, refused to talk to me and then said she wouldn't be attending the party she had given me money for. I have no idea of what that's about but is probably the pantomime we will be going to at Xmas. I bought the tickets but she insists on paying her way.

I have lost my mum. The one person who was on my side (ex husband is very difficult) and I now feel I can't even visit because of accusations and anger she has towards me. I am a total bitch because I keep wishing her dead because I just don't know how to cope with this (I gave up my full time teaching job and went on supply to be more available to her but she rejects me as as far as she's concerned, I am not her daughter) and there is really no help or support.

We didn't get a Power of Attorney done because she wouldn't and now we are clearly need it. I am assuming no solicitor will touch it now.

I know it's not her fault. But nor is it mine. I just feel so alone.

rockcakesrock Mon 20-Nov-17 09:30:35

@ohreallyohreallyoh, I am so sorry to read this and know that many on the “Caring for Elderly Parents” thread can relate to your post. The sadness we feel that the person we knew is no longer here but has been replaced by this monster disease. It is so lonely and also overwhelming. We are powerless to do anything to make their situation better and so often our attempts to help are misinterpreted. I can offer no advice, just to say that there will be lots of hand holding and sympathy on the thread I mentioned, it really is a place where we can offload to,others who know exactly how we feel.💐

ohreallyohreallyoh Mon 20-Nov-17 22:25:39

Thank you. You've made me cry! I will check out the thread. X

rockcakesrock Fri 24-Nov-17 09:22:22

Hi Ohreally, I just wondered if you were OK. Is there anything you need?

randomer Fri 24-Nov-17 09:26:06

Awful. Can you get some support. A social worker?

ohreallyohreallyoh Sat 25-Nov-17 00:56:03

I’m OK, thanks so much for asking. I have worked all week at my favourite school (I am a supply teacher) which helps. I now have the weekend ahead and I will have to visit. Wish me luck!

rockcakesrock Sat 25-Nov-17 08:17:31

I’ll be thinking of you

ohreallyohreallyoh Wed 29-Nov-17 20:38:28

Thanks. It was OK. There were tears and shouting that I was a liar - because she was convinced I hadn’t visited the previous week but some dreadful woman had taken my place. But she calmed down and eventually accepted it. It’s going to be a long haul....

GraceLeeper Mon 04-Dec-17 06:21:41

Stay strong!!! It must have been have for you but please bear with her. Even though she forgets you as her daughter, in her heart she knows that your someone special to her. Mothers love their children whatever happens to them.. Just stay strong and don't give up on her..

LidlAngel Thu 28-Dec-17 14:49:33

@ohreallyohreallyoh how are you doing? If a POA is out if the question feel free to contact me about applying to the COP for a deputyship as I had to do exactly that for my dad a year ago. Sending you strength and thanks

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