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(14 Posts)
Loopyloo97 Mon 06-Nov-17 13:28:04

Hi, my 82 year old mother is in hospital with what has been diagnosed delirium/dementia which came out after a routine knee replacement.
We are now thinking about the future my father doesn't think that he could cope with her needs which would be 24hour care .. As much as I don't like the idea of a care home I think its the only way forward its a very distressing time for us as a family
I would like to know other peoples experiences please? as I'm feeling like the bad one even thinking about a nursing home

rockcakesrock Mon 06-Nov-17 13:59:12

Going into a home saved my mum's life in the literal sense. She had Alzheimer's and was neglecticting herself. My step-father did his best, but could not provide them care she needed. Her last year at home before she was hospitalised was awful.

I cried the day she went into the home. It was an emergency admittance from hospital. She was there for 5 years and the staff could not have been kinder. She had regular meals, regular medication, a doctor on call immediately she was unwell. Although she was unable to communicate I do think the other elderly residents helped her a lot. The t.v. blared out with nobody to tell her to turn it down.

Everyone that visited her could not believe the change in her after just three months. It is a hard decision but the right home can work miracles.

Michaelahpurple Fri 10-Nov-17 09:55:33

This is pretty much where we are right now. My father (77) was hospitalised with pneumonia and plunged right into delirium. It happened last time he had an infection, about 1.5 years ago, and once the infection had passed and he got home, he was back to his rather impaired normal condition. But this time, I am not sure that he is coming back. He can't settle at night any more, can't make sense of telly, has lost some cutlery skills, wanders around, needs to pee every 10 minutes etc. We have someone helping my mother at home at the moment, but even with him covering nights and part of the day she is exhausted, so I fear a home is beckoning.
It is only first week out so I am still hoping a bit that some of this is still delirium rather than a step-change in dementia, but hope is ebbing.
Sorry, not a very helpful post

Loopyloo97 Mon 13-Nov-17 15:28:10

I’m so sorry to hear about your father it’s so heart breaking . My mother is still in a confused state and over the last few days had stopped eating and drinking
We are looking at care homes but are so worried about her moving into one
The staff turn overs are a lot in homes you hear so many horror stories 😢

TheFaerieQueene Mon 13-Nov-17 15:47:34

My DF is in a nursing home with advanced dementia. He is bed bound and has aphasia. He can’t do anything for himself now.

We were very reluctant to admit him to a home but my DM was not coping with a bed bound patient, so we had to bite the bullet. It is a very expensive option, but it was the best for them both. His dementia continues to deteriorate but he is safe and cared for by professionals who are very good. I would say that 95% of the time we are very happy with his care. The other 5% it isn’t bad at all, just below par. He has visitors every day - me, DM or DSis as well as the wider family from time to time, so he is still very much part of our lives.

flowers to everyone going through this.

user1471550643 Tue 14-Nov-17 23:05:19

I’m so sorry you are still going through this with your mum. Dad passed away a few weeks ago. After much soul searching we had come to the conclusion he couldn’t safely come home. We looked at a load of nursing homes ... very variable in feeling and accommodation. In the end we found a lovely place which I had initially discounted due to a required improvement rating with csq. Immediately we went in it had a lovely feeling and was the only place we saw carers really interacting with the residents and lots of interesting things to do. Also it was lived in and didn’t have a sterile hotel feel. Dad had a lovely room and spent his last 4 weeks beautifully looked after and pain free. I know how hard it is to make that decision, but for me looking back it was the best thing we could have done for him. Everyone has different likes and needs but I would definitely say go with your gut feeling and visit several times at different times of day. Thinking of you

FreshStartToday Tue 14-Nov-17 23:18:02

My dm was very similar, had a spell in hospital in the spring-time and then went into a home.

Would she be self funding/using up savings on her care? Mum and Dad had a rainy-day fund, and so Mum was self funding. After about 3 months, we were able to bring her home again and to use the funds for a lovely live-in carer. It may not be for long, but she is enjoying her home again and Dad is happy to have her back now that he is not doing all of the caring. It's not cheap, but it has given them what they need.

Some of the residents at her care home were very settled and happy. It wasn't perfect, but they did a fantastic job.

Hope you find one which suits your mum. You can always try it as respite care, and see how she gets on.

retirednow Tue 14-Nov-17 23:27:48

Your poor mum should not be moved while she is confused and delirious, it might be caused by her operation. The doctor needs to assess her mental states and capacity. If they think she lacks capacity to agree to a Carehome then does anyone have power of attorney for health and welfare. A social worker at the hospital will help you, help assess financial situation and can help find suitable homes. If you decide on as Carehome then google ones in the area, read the cqc inspection reports and go and visit the homes. The alternative is home care which the social worker can also help with. Whatever you decide you mum will need a full care needs assessment. Hospitals have discharge teams who are usually really helpful.

GraceLeeper Thu 30-Nov-17 09:06:13

This is so sad to read, your mom really needs extra care. I think it is best for her to stay in your care, the feeling of staying in your own home with the people you know and love can somewhat help your mom to at least feel safe and secure. But if a nursing home is really needed, you can send her there as long as you still support her and visit her regularly.

retirednow Thu 30-Nov-17 12:43:12

How is your mum doing.

distillary Sun 03-Dec-17 08:43:51

Delirium is very different from dementia. A person cannot be diagnosed with dementia while infection in present, or delirium has been induced my infection. A proper diagnosis can only be made when clear of infection. Symptoms of delirium can last up to 6 months, although often abate before. So sorry you're going through this.

distillary Sun 03-Dec-17 08:45:49

By infection*

Loopyloo97 Sat 03-Mar-18 16:25:07

So my mother was discharged from hospital just before Christmas , her faculties have never returned she’s still very confused with full blown dementia which could have been unmasked by having her knee replacement under a general . Her quality of life has been taken she’s now doubly incontinent and bed bound .. My mother hates personal care and having her pad changed she quite often gets agitated and lashes out at carers I have been asked if I could speak to her gp next week about giving her something to calm her anxiety but I’m worried about any form of sedation should I be ??? My poor mum was a proud woman and while she has dementia also has her dignity I feel so sad for her . Has anyone got advice about drugs that won’t knock her out that she’s drowsy but to just take the edge off her anger

helpfulperson Sat 03-Mar-18 16:55:00

Definitely talk to the GP. My Dad has something that he can be given when he is particularly distressed and it just relaxes him. I can't remember what it is called by it's some sort of anti anxiety medication. At the moment is is making the difference between my mum managing to cope with him at home and not.

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