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Violence & what to expect if reported

(3 Posts)
FrillyFimbo Mon 19-Dec-16 20:40:09

I'm apologise this is long. My Mother has been diagnosed with Vascular Dementia & Alzheimers. During the assessment both my parents withheld information which led the consultant to believe she is in the early stages. I stayed behind and spoke to the consultant explaining that the situation is worse than they've been led to believe. I was assured she would be reassessed at home within 6wks and my concerns would be addressed.
Fast forward 3 months and as far as I'm aware (my parents have not informed me and Ive not heard from the hospital) and nobody has been to assess her situation within the home. Soon after her initial appointment in September I discovered that she is being violent towards my father. She becomes distressed when he goes to work (only a few mornings a week) and she is dropped with a relative to care for her for a few hours. But each time during the lead up to leaving the house she is frequently threatening to slit my fathers throat with a knife, actually holding a knife to his neck. He remains calm and allows her anger and frustrations to pass without causing a fuss. The one time it happened whilst I was visiting and disturbed the incident she ran off and hid the knife claiming nothing was happening. This has always happened behind closed doors and been covered up. My father has admitted to me what has been happening and said its all the time. She's burnt him and often hits him. She has never done this infront of others until last week. Her sister had been caring for her one morning and when my father went to collect her she threatened to slit his throat infront of her sister and nephew (a grown adult not a child). Obviously her sister is distressed and now no longer wants to care for her - completely understandable. My parents deny anything happened and think she's being unreasonable.
Myself and my 2 brothers now feel the time has come to get help to stop the violence and protect my father. He doesn't see a problem and is protecting her.
My question is, if I now raise this with her consultant/nurse what will happen? Will she be whisked off into a unit to be assessed, or will someone pay a visit and assess my fathers safety? Will we loose control over what happens next?
This will be going behind my parents back but she is in complete denial and my father doesn't like going against her wishes.
We fear for his safety and I guess we're scared taking what feels like a huge step into the unknown where things will change beyond our control and our parents may never forgive us.
At a loss as to what to do for the best and what to expect. Please help!

NewUserName01 Tue 03-Jan-17 19:56:42


Only just seen this or I would have replied much earlier.

How are things now? You definitely must let someone know as soon as possible. My Dad was being quite violent towards my Mum. He was seeing things that weren't they and believed she was having affairs etc. Mum didn't tell anyone and just thought it was a part of his decline that she had to put up with. Fortunately he got an infection and had to go into hospital for a bit. While he was there they realised how confused he was and he actually attacked a couple of members of staff. This gave me the opportunity to raise concerns about my Mum and so Dad was sectioned and admitted to a specialist geriatric mental health ward where he stayed for about 3 months while they adjusted his medication. Mum was worried about him being sectioned but it really was for the best and he's so much better now; the difference is amazing.

We both really wish we'd raised it earlier. We hadn't because we didn't realise they'd be able to treat it.

Let me know how you get on. flowers

harleysmammy Fri 06-Jan-17 16:16:35

My grandad had parkinsons and very very advanced dementia, he was violent towards everyone including my nan. He was bedbound so he couldnt do anything but hit kick and punch everyone. Im 24 weeks pregnant and never thought he would hurt me, he pulled my scarf when i was kissing him goodbye and i fell into the bars of his hospital bed. Luckily he hadn't hurt the baby but if he had, i would have never ever gone near him or forgiven him again. It was bad enough him hurting my nan, dad, uncles and cousins, but the fact he could have hurt my baby was beyond. Tell someone before she actually hurts him, my nan always told me my grandad would never hurt me but he did. They cant help it, they dont know what they're doing. Dont listen to them saying nothing will happen and that she doesnt mean it, she doesnt mean it but she csnt control what happens. X

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