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Just need to unload

(5 Posts)
Stargazer100 Fri 22-Jul-16 14:24:30

I don't really know why I'm writing this or what I want to hear but just need to unload somewhere before I breakdown in tears.
So, my father, who I live with all my heart has Alzeimers and vascular dementia. Fairy early stages, diagnosed 1.5 years ago. He is a great dad and we get in really well, I see him daily. Anyway, today I went to take him out for an ice cream and was helping him put on his shoes when I commented that the chiropodist hadn't done a great job on his feet, well you would of thought I'd committed the greatest sin of all time! Dad got really defensive and argument ice and told me not to come again. In anger and feeling hurt I snapped back "it's a good job I do as nobody else does." Now I feel guilty. Really guilty. I've come home and don't know what to do bar cry. I have two, useless brothers who do nothing whatsoever with dad and I know u shouldn't have said that. I'm just tired and hurt. Thanks for reading😞

PollyPerky Fri 22-Jul-16 16:16:30

Oh poor you flowers
He doesn't mean it and you know that. It's his illness talking and not 'him'.

And you can't be expected to be a saint. You're doing loads for him from what you have said, so don't beat yourself up.

Stargazer100 Fri 22-Jul-16 19:04:33

Thank you, that means a lot. Tomorrow I will carry on as if nothing happened. Just need to pull myself together and stop feeling sorry for myself!

LuckyBitches Wed 03-Aug-16 16:24:04

Dementia is utter shit. This evening I'm doing my weekly visit to my dad - who lives with my stepmum, so the pressure is less intense for me - but an hour ago he phoned to say he doesn't want me to come over. He introduced himself by name, rather than 'Dad', so I'm not even sure he knows who I am any more. I absolutely hate it - OP you are not alone.

ZaZathecat Wed 03-Aug-16 17:31:16

I hear you Stargazer. My DM also has mixed dementia and I see her every day. It's not enough for her though and she forgets I have a dh and teenagers too and can't spend every spare moment with her. If I do remind her, her reaction is 'well you're lucky to have people at home' - which is of course true. But I feel that spending 1-2 hours a day with her is really all I can take. Repeating the same conversation every day, listening to the same gripes every day, trying to cheer her up, only to still feel guilty as I leave and she says (with a worried look on her face)'will you be back later?' and I say no, I 'can't' come again today. She has 4 carers coming in and out too but barely remembers they've been there.

I've whinged about all of this many time on the Elderly Parents board but am feeling particularly resentful today so came on for another moan!
It's a horrible situation to be in and I despair, thinking how many years it may go on for (and of course I could never admit to that in RL).

flowers for all of us.

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