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DF Dementia, sneaky drinking, assessment refusal and the rest. Please help

(4 Posts)
CommaStop Tue 14-Jun-16 20:55:10

Talk Elderly parents
DF - alzheimers, sneaky drinking, refusing assessment and the rest. New to this, help please1
Today 15:46 CommaStop

There's a bit in this but I'll try not to make it too long. My DF (79) got a tentative Alzheimer's diagnosis about six months ago. It's early days and while he gets confused, mixed up about appointments, unable to do some daily things he used to do, forever losing things and obsessing about them to the extent that it feels like life is one long key/glasses/walking stick hunt he's still functioning pretty well. But when he drinks he becomes very confused for days. His consultant agrees to him having two glasses of beer (one pint) a day as this is really his only daily social outlet and something he has done his whole life. Despite this agreement recently he's been 'sneaking' drinks - pouring himself large/additional glasses when we have company and he thinks it's not noticed. Yesterday DM and I were out shopping and when we got home I noticed him hiding a glass he'd been drinking wine from. This morning DH found a separate hidden wine glass. I'm not anti-booze and I suspect he's very depressed by all that's happened him in the last five years so don't want to interfere with whatever independence/autonomy he has left (five years ago he developed a severe auto-immune condition and nearly died. The treatment for this has been very harsh and reduced his mobility massively - used to walk five miles a day and can now just about walk to the corner shop). This morning he came to me with 'don't tell your mother but somehow I took all my medications twice yesterday', the somehow being that he was massively confused by the booze. He's been referred to a geriatric psychiatry team for assessment and this would be a means of accessing OT and any other available help but refuses to attend and rang and cancelled the appointment they sent out which as he doesn't ordinarily handle his appointments any more shows the extent of his unwillingness (this is due to fear/stigma I think) they don't live with me but stay with me about a third of the time. DM is afraid and frustrated. I'm sorry this is long and rambling but I love him and I'm sad and I don't know what's best to do. We are in Ireland not uk btw so accessing private medical care not nhs. Any ideas/advice on how to deal with this without making things worse for him/crushing his spirit? I've also posted this on the elderly parents board as I don't know where it's most suitable. Apols for cross posting.

AdelindSchade Tue 14-Jun-16 21:03:11

Could you speak to him about the assessment a bit more and find out what his fears are? Does he accept the diagnosis? The only thing I can suggest is to say to him that a bit of help with it now might stop him needing more in future. So it will help him keep his independence in the long term.

canyou Tue 14-Jun-16 21:12:20

flowers I am in Irl so I understand the mine field getting help is .
I went down the can you do this for Mum/me ie a home help means Mum no longer has to hoover, going to the day centre means Mum gets here feet done/ a lovely meal with no wash up etc
We also had a place for everything and everything in its place ie keys on the door, tea bags by the kettle.
We sent Nan to weekly prayer group for friendship and a walking group for a change of scene, would your Dad be interested in a club?

canyou Tue 14-Jun-16 21:14:32

Have ye contacted the Alzhiemers assosiation? They are a wonderful help and they provide specialised care/home help and clubs etc

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