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My nan is reaching the end, what will happen?

(20 Posts)
noitsachicken Fri 13-May-16 20:49:44

My nan has suffered from dementia for about 8 years, she has suffered horribly, I hate it.
She is now skin and bone, bearly aware, refusing food and water.
But she is so agitated, squiriming around, can't seem to relax, scratching at the pillows. I just want her to go to sleep and be restful.

heavenlypink Fri 13-May-16 21:20:52

I know exactly how you feel noitsachicken I willed my my nana dead for years. Dementia/Alzheimer's is cruel. She has been dead for almost ten years now and I share your experience of her being skin and bone and barely aware. The last time I did see her she was lying curled up on a hospital bed, and did look peaceful. I know her blood pressure was virtually non existent but think she was aware I was there as when I held her hand she briefly opened her eyes and smiled. I told her it was time to go and that grandad was sick of waiting for her! She died the following day, my mum and sister made it to the hospital is time and it was 'a good death'. I hope you have a similar outcome flowers

noitsachicken Fri 13-May-16 21:43:35

Thank you.
I thought I would feel relieved when the time came, having hoped for years to end her suffering.
But I am so sad, it's so cruel, she hasn't known who I am for about 7 years, she has always seemed so scared.
I just want it over for her.

DoItTooJulia Fri 13-May-16 21:48:07

Where is she? When my nan was like this (nursing home) we got the out of hours GP out and they gave her morphine. She had a peaceful few days once she had the patch.

flowers awful disease. Hope you're holding up ok x

noitsachicken Fri 13-May-16 21:51:54

She is in a nursing home.
They have end of life care in place, so hopefully everything she needs.
Would they give morphine? I don't know that she is in pain.

noitsachicken Fri 13-May-16 21:53:14

I'm ok.
Just struggling to remember her before all this.
I don't want these to be my memories of her.

lougle Fri 13-May-16 21:53:30

If she is agitated and seems to be in discomfort, please do ask for some palliative treatment for her. The team looking after her should be able to assess whether she would benefit from some morphine painkiller, or haloperidol or midazolam to calm her. She shouldn't be distressed in her final days and hours. She should be having sensitive and gentle care that maximises her comfort and prioritises her dignity.

I hope you get some good support flowers

noitsachicken Fri 13-May-16 22:03:57

The staff are very good, they were waiting on some drugs for her, which they said would help settle her, not sure what though.
They are doing hourly checks, keeping her comfortable.

Kwirrell Fri 13-May-16 22:10:12

My mum died last year at the age of 94 and it would have helped me if I had known what to expect. I know doctors tell you that each person is different but please ask questions if you want to.

In my experience a good nursing home should be able to keep the person comfortable without prolonging life. In the final stages, the person will start to refuse food and liquid. People do not die because they are not eating, they stop eating when they are dying. They do not feel hunger or thirst, I was told a state of euphoria takes over and all senses are gradually numbed. The last sense to go is the hearing, so you could try talking or singing to,her.

Sadly my mum did start with the squirming and scratching but this gradually subsided. I sat with her and stroked her hair which she seemed to, like that.

She too had demetia for 7 years. I know she was ready to,go.

I am sorry you are going through this.

noitsachicken Sat 14-May-16 07:11:07

Thanks Kwirrell.
It's comforting to know it's normal.
My mum just phoned and she passed away at 6.15, so it's over, at last.

Kwirrell Sat 14-May-16 07:22:23

I am so sorry for your loss. Take care of your self.

flanjabelle Sat 14-May-16 07:24:41

I'm so sorry op. flowers

sandgrown Sat 14-May-16 07:25:06

Sorry for your loss .look after yourself flowers

lougle Sat 14-May-16 10:38:40

I'm sorry, noitsachicken. I hope it was peaceful in the endflowers.

magimedi Sat 14-May-16 10:42:34

Sorry for your loss.

My mother had dementia & died nearly 20 years ago. After a year or two I never thought of her/remembered her as she was with the dementia but always as she was before the illness. Those lovely memories will overcome the bad time.

user1463153886 Sat 14-May-16 10:46:51

I'm a nurse who regularly looks after people at the end of their life. (& also a grand daughter who's lovely nanny died after suffering with dementia for many years)
It sounds as if she needs some midazolam which is a medication that helps a person to relax.
Have a chat with the nurses & see if they can get it written up Xx

DoItTooJulia Sat 14-May-16 11:01:13

Sorry for your loss. At least there's no more suffering. Take care of yourself flowers

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Sat 14-May-16 11:02:10


noitsachicken Sat 14-May-16 19:52:30

Thanks everyone.

CPtart Sat 14-May-16 20:45:56

My grandma died in February. She was 89 and went from flying to Spain abroad for holidays on her own 18 months earlier, to being in a care home, incontinent and not recognising us. The onset of dementia was insidious. It's a horrible disease.
I have many many memories of her in the years she was well. She truly was an amazing woman. Funny and independent. She'd travelled the world and had a great life, but I miss her.
Thinking of you.

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