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Not sure where to start

(4 Posts)
playitagainsally Sat 12-Mar-16 11:10:34

DM80 is definitely having memory problems.
She forgets nouns ' I was in the supermarket but I couldn't find that thing with wheels that you put your shopping in' and halfway through a conversation she'll suddenly change the subject. She also repeats herself a lot.
She lives with DF who is very sharp but not in good physical health.
I live 300m away and talk to them daily. I should visit more and will try to.
I haven't broached the subject with DF, mostly because I've been pretending to myself that it's not happening.

Is there an advantage of seeing the GP & getting a referral? I know DM will find it distressing.

Thanks for reading, this is the first time I've admitted to myself that there's a problem.

QuerkyJo Sat 12-Mar-16 15:06:42

I have just been through the first three stages of the dementia assessment with my step dad.

When I did this with my mum,.she was much more advanced and could not answer any questions. She did not find it distressing.

My stepdad was recommended to have the tests on advice from the LA sensory nurse. She was doing an assesment as he is losing his sight and made a recommendation for dementia assessment.

He reluctantly agreed. The first stage was a GP visit, followed by a blood test. Then a two hour assessment which he found very tiring. Now he is asked to go for a brain scan followed by another visit to the dementia centre. He has refused. He does not want to attend 5 appointments and he says, I am 85 I am entitled to loose my memory. They cannot cure me.

I would ask yourself, what will your mum gain from the assesment. Will she find it stressful and upsetting.

I am sure others will tell you their experiences but my view is that my step dad is coping at present and I have to respect his wish.

playitagainsally Sat 12-Mar-16 15:41:13

Thanks Querky. I'm sorry you've had to go through this twice.

Your stepdad's experience sounds distressing for him which is what I'd like to avoid for DM.
I feel it might be worth it if there was some form of treatment to slow the process down, but I wouldn't want her to go through it all just to tick some boxes.

QuerkyJo Sat 12-Mar-16 16:36:11

That is right. Also you end up being the bad guy, making them do things they don't want to do. I honestly believe the desire has to come from the person.

It was different with my mum. She had to have the assessment because of her need for carers. My step dad is very severely disabled.,one leg, confined to a wheel chair, bad heart, going blind. He already has two carers a day. i do everything else he needs and even with an assesment, I don't think he would get or need any more carers.

It must be hard when you are so far. He is only an hour away from me.

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