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Stroke/ dementia- advice appreciated!

(9 Posts)
TerrifiedMothertobe Tue 22-Apr-14 14:57:43

My mother had a massive stroke back in October, she survived and made an unexpected recovery. After 10 weeks in rehab she came home.

Then, in February she very suddenly got confused (went to bed ok, woke up bonkers). After another 10 weeks in hospital and every test under the sun, uti's, MRI, ct, brain tumour, etc they don't know what's wrong. Her symptoms are identical to dementia.

My father is in poor health after 4 heart attacks, but he has taken her home, against hospital advice.

We need to get some careers in ASAP, I think eventually she will have to go I to a home. She is very confused, can be aggressive and increasingly depressed. She knows she's not right, but doesn't understand what's going on.

Does anyone have any advice on getting independent carers. Agency seem so expensive- although I cans ee the definite upside.

My dad is now getting depressed and he cannot cope. I can only do so much as have two under 2.5 and am due back at work in a few months, so want this sorted.

My poor parents are only in the 60's so this has been a very sad roller coaster.


BackforGood Tue 22-Apr-14 15:06:36

Very difficult if your Dad is not willing to work with people wanting to help. Usually, being in hospital is the best place to start from, as the social workers want to get the right package in place, so they can get you home. once you are already home though, it starts being more complicated. I would get in touch with Help the Aged or Stoke Association or Dementia Care or Alzimers Support Group and ask there - the support groups are usually fantasticly helpful.
Sorry this has happened to them, so young thanks

JuliaScurr Tue 22-Apr-14 15:11:24

this happened to my dad's partner. Carers UK and Stroke Assoc have been great
they are on your side and give great support and advice

best wishes

MooseBeTimeForSpring Tue 22-Apr-14 15:20:36

My late mother had vascular dementia. She had earlier had a large stroke and several TIA's. She was actually sectioned as a result of her behaviour but it was the type of section where she could stay at home. It meant she had access to a lot of help from social services that she wouldn't have got otherwise.

Liveinthepresent Tue 22-Apr-14 15:54:37

Hello OP I am at work so can't reply properly but I couldn't not reply. my DDad had vascular dementia caused by a series of small strokes. (TIA) he was about 65 when it happened.
We ended up employing live in carers for about 5 years. He lived alone as my parents were already divorced.
I may be able to share our experience with you and see if this helps you.
My heart goes out to you all it sounds like a very difficult time.
Will post later.

TerrifiedMothertobe Tue 22-Apr-14 20:30:11

As a family, we are convinced its vascular dementia and have been from the beginning of her confusion. However the scans show nothing.

That is irrelevant though as we have to manage the symptoms.

A live in carer is definitely an option. My dad is open to thus idea, I just don't know where to look!

Liveinthepresent Tue 22-Apr-14 22:09:49

OP sorry I haven't been back with more but I will send you some info on live in carers - much will depend on the family finances. If you have the means it may at least be an option to help you all get through this transition time.
We had similar re diagnosis - to be honest I can't really recall now how it was concluded it was vascular.

TerrifiedMothertobe Wed 23-Apr-14 20:59:27

Hello, we'll update is my father has found a carer. She starts (part time) next week, but at least it's a start.

Mum is getting worse by the day.

So shit.

Liveinthepresent Sat 26-Apr-14 09:27:54

OP I have typed you a reply several times on my iPad and it keeps freezing and disappearing so just a quick phone post.
I just wanted to say quickly with my DDad he was really really bad for a time - during all the unsettled bit in hospital and after but once we had the right care and got him into a structured routine he improved massively so it may not be all downhill .. Hang in there.

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