Was wondering whether any dads out there could help. DD (5) is basically very well behaved - incredibly so at school where the teachers seem to think she is a delight, and with me (does what she is told most of the time, is considerate and thoughtful, has the odd 5 year old moment..). She has just started her second year at school and is the youngest in the class. She finds it tiring plus has a bad cold. I am 36 weeks pregnant.
All I want in the evenings, particularly at the moment, is for dh to be patient and kind with her. To deal with her as if she is basically a good child who is fractious and tired and who may not be at her best. Unfortunately he is also tired after work and seems hell bent on proving that her behaviour is appalling. Unfortunately she isn't as well behaved with him generally (I think because he veers wildly from smotheringly indulgent to shouty and unpleasant; dh thinks because she picks up on the way I treat him, which I think is pretty fairly...).
Last night there was a dreadful scene at bath time. I was exhausted, and felt pretty rubbish, and had just sat down. DD started splashing dh as a joke, he got angry which I think made it more exciting and she would not stop. He sat exactly where he was, getting more and more wet which he said afterwards so that I would witness how disobedient she was; he then called me up from the beanbag (not very mobile at the moment!) shouting that I needed to see what she was like. Then it all went pearshaped - we screamed at each other, I started to feel worse and ended up crying. DD was mortified, crying that she was "so so sorry and she didn't want to hurt the baby." She woke in the night having had a nightmare involving the baby dying, so we are even more tired today and I feel guilty that I have involved her in essentially adult emotions.
I feel after all of this that dd is too little to feel that she is inherently incredibly disobedient just because she isn't perfect at bedtime. She had been naughty and isn't great with him but I resent the implication that "she needs more disclipline". From whom? She does what I ask her.
I feel I have to get involved because I am not 100% how things will end - he was smacked as a child and has lashed out at her in the past. He maintains endlessly that he was much better behaved at her age. (I'm not sure how he can be so convinced of this.)
Is it too much to ask that he could divert her attention, use distraction, change the way he deals with her behaviour - at least at bedtime at the moment whilst I need things to be less stressful.
Or have I missed something? Sorry this is so long!
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Need a male perspective on evening meltdowns - please help!
6 replies
headabovewater · 03/09/2009 12:22
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