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no libido

(8 Posts)
alexw Mon 27-Oct-08 15:34:57

Could I get a male perspective on this? My dh has little/no libido. Would rather watch tv or surf ne than come to bed. Has been like this for very long time. Have asked him to seek help several times in past. Anyway, had row about it again this weekend and he's admitted that he never feels like it - esp when he's had a drink. He has finally agreed to go to doc and has given up drinking. Problem is he has also asked/told me too as well. Am feeling angry that cos he has prob I have to give up drink too. Up side was that last night he was in mood; downside I wasn't and couldn't relax...AArghh!!!!!!!!!!!! Know it's cos am feeling cross with him and sad that it's taken him 16 years to listen to me. ANy advice welcomed...

NomDePlume Mon 27-Oct-08 15:36:23

Does he masturbate ?

NomDePlume Mon 27-Oct-08 15:36:48

(sorry to get a bit TMI)

(am also not a man)

alexw Mon 27-Oct-08 15:37:36

Don't know... he is very untouchy generally - almost never hugs/touches or kisses me...sad Why??

alexw Mon 27-Oct-08 17:09:31


NK65alot Mon 27-Oct-08 20:43:41

Being somewhat highly sexually charged myself I do find this hard to relate to. So in this situation my inclination would always be to suspect he gets it elsewhere. But how bad was the drinking? To lead to loss of libido and last over 16 years it must have been pretty bad in which case I would have thought it a great idea for you both to give up drinking for a bit. Pity you reacted against that. How often do you have sex?

cliffjumper Tue 28-Oct-08 18:39:29

Long post, beware...

Alexw I might be able to help a bit. I'm a dad of three (the youngest born in July) and I find it very hard to "get in the mood" lately. I'm finding myself wanting to stay up and watch TV and go on the net and generally have "alone time" a lot.

Cant help on the drinking thing because I've never touched alcohol myself, however, men do like time to themselves. Does he go out with mates a lot? I find it difficult to get time for this and only manage the odd footy match with my Dad twice every month. Cant even get over to watch it on the TV for "male bonding" sessions these days either.

I think the best advice I can give (but please don't blame me if it goes wrong) is to sit down alone with him and let him do the talking, in case there is something on his mind. I find my wife pushing me to talk leads to a lot of tears on my part, but it helps. As long as you don't say to much, or suggest too much either. Doing something special for him might help too, like combining the internet or tv to something sexy, IF the spark has gone in his wotsit.

In my POV though its generally beacuse we've had the same routine for too long. Pushing will get nowhere and one tip: If you say to him "Do you want to talk?" and he replies "no" rather sharpish then leave the house and let him stomp around a bit.

Going to the Doctor is a good step though. He might just need to talk to someone who you aren't connected to, or someone he is close enough to.

I hope I've been some use to you and, sorry again for the long post.

alexw Tue 28-Oct-08 20:54:51

Thanks guys...

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