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Second child - how did you feel?

(10 Posts)
cestlavie Thu 23-Oct-08 11:56:24

So DD2 was born about 4 weeks ago and she's pretty much everything we hoped she'd be - gorgeous and healthy with a pretty sweet natured disposition to boot. All good...

The only thing is that I am just not really anywhere close as excited about her as I was with DD1. Not exactly ambivalent and, yes, I do love her but in a much more abstract way than with DD1. Whilst I was absolutely besotted with DD and thought she was just the most beautiful amazing little thing in the world ever with DD2, whilst I do think she is gorgeous and wonderful, I don't feel it in the same way - more objectively like "hmmm, yes she is gorgeous, we're very lucky" rather than "god, she is just utterly amazing". To be honest, all I really want to do is get through the first six months, get her sleeping properly and through the general debacle that this period entails and get her to the point, well, I guess, where she's a little person rather than an infant.

I'm pretty sure this is normal - I mean, practically speaking, when you've got two kids it's usually going to be the guy who looks after the oldest initially as the youngest is pretty firmly attached to their mum. Plus DD1 was bottle fed (for various reasons) so me and DW had an equal role in caring and feeding and night wakings etc with DD1, whereas this time round only mummy can help DD2 most of the time. Plus, to be completely frank, DD1 (3) is great to be around whereas DD2, obviously, isn't. Please don't get me wrong incidentally, I still share/ do all the stuff I can for DD2, talk to her, rocking to sleep, changing nappies, bathing her - it just feels a lot more half hearted this time than last time.

What do you reckon guys? How did you find it?

Bride1 Thu 23-Oct-08 12:08:30

It took me a few weeks to 'fall in love' with my daughter. Then one morning I just looked at her and something inside me utterly melted.

The lady who clips our dogs (!) told me that your second baby is more personally 'yours' and less a public statement of your marriage and your love for your partner or whatever. I know what she means. I felt like my secondborn was a lovely, undeserved, almost unexpected gift. From a slow start she has been the source of some of the most profound joy I have had.

SilkySilky Sat 04-Dec-10 20:30:35

I get what you mean "it just feels a lot more half hearted this time than last time."

Defo a slow start for me on child#2, but now she is 7 months old ans smiley at me when I enter the room, I find I have bonded great now, but way WAY slower than number 1.

eeore Sun 30-Jan-11 21:24:18

I have spent less time with son#2 than I did with son#1 - for pretty much the reasons stated in the OP - but I can't say I noticed any difference in bonding.

I suppose all that the OP describes is in part due to knowing what is going on, in a way that you just don't with the first.

Still it's nearly eight months on now.

For me the biggest issue at present is trying to find a way of making sure that they know I don't favour one over the other - and love them both. 'Who's daddy's favourite boy', has become 'who's daddy's favourite big brother.' etc.

Oh and trying to find a way of stopping son#1 braining son#2 with the heavy wooden toys MiL insists on buying.

IHeartKingThistle Sun 30-Jan-11 21:32:35

I know what you mean. I think for me it was more to do with the fact that with a first child everything changes - you are now a mother. With your second you are already a mother so in some ways it's quite hard to know how to feel.

I loved DS (2nd baby) from the start but spent the first few weeks trying to find more time to spend with DD and feeling guilty about her.

But oh my goodness am I besotted with the boy now...

IHeartKingThistle Sun 30-Jan-11 21:34:11

Oops just noticed this was on Dadsnet blush

<runs away>

SilkySilky Thu 28-Jul-11 23:04:11

Good thread this. Reminds me its been over 6 months since I took a photo of kid number 2 , yet number 1 was photoed daily!

confidence Fri 29-Jul-11 14:50:55

I definitely felt this way with no. 2, and was quite worried about it. The difference from the experience of no. 1, which was all-consuming, was striking.

I think this was true even for about the first couple of years. It definitely evened out after that though and now DC2 and I are as close and close could be. It helps that she shares my particular interests much more than DC1 does.

In some ways I even think this more relaxed attitude can be beneficial. There can be a lot of pressure on first children as the adults in their life crowd around them 24/7 and constantly tell or show them how important and central they are to their own lives. Younger children, as long as they know fundamentally that they are loved, can sometimes grow up more well-adjusted for having a bit more space to breath.

ChrisAce69 Tue 20-Sep-11 17:03:26

I know exactly what you mean!
When my second was born it hit me that I was in for another 6 months without decent kip and sh1t under my finger nails!
With our first kid, I was very excited but with the second I think the novelty factor has gone.
Don't lose sight of the fact that your newbie is, well, new, and doesn't really do anything yet. As soon as her little personality starts to come out you'll look back at this post and wonder what you meant!

ChrisAce69 Tue 20-Sep-11 17:05:26

Just realised that this thread is REALLY old!
(sorry. I'm new here!)
I guess, as she's now three years old, you're no longerr worried!

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