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(13 Posts)
sillybillybee Fri 22-Aug-08 16:58:24

Right firstly I'm female so sorry for crashing into dadsnet but I'm after some male opinions please.
I'm 26 (nearly 27 ) and a single mum, on the hunt for a decent bloke (as in the opposite to my ex) I'm struggling to find someone who a) finds me attractive b) is still interested when they find out about my son AND c) younger than 40. Now when I say all this, I can find people who fit into a, b or c but not all of them (although I'm by no means drop-dead gorgeous I don't think I'm that ugly).
So onto the opinions bit.... do you think that I should be able to find someone my age(ish) I'm thinking 25-32 who would still be interested in a single mum or do men around that age still want a no-baggage type of gf?
TIA And if you managed to make sense of my post well done!!!

misi Fri 22-Aug-08 22:13:19

ah, I'm too old sad
it depends on the bloke. everyone is different. a bloke wanting to settle down and start a family at any age shouldn't find a woman with a child already someting to be frightened of. if he does think of a child as baggage, it probably means he is not really ready for a long term relationship. if you (and he) are only interested in short term relationships then you having a child shouldn't make any difference anyway as the relationship is not long term if that makes sense?
I may understand say if my sister and BIL split as they have 5 kids all under 10 at the moment so taking on 5 kids may be a bit daunting, but you only have 1?, not a problem really in my mind.

sillybillybee Fri 22-Aug-08 22:41:11

Awww thx Yes I do just have the one, I'm not saying that I'm ruling everyone over 32 out btw I have an open mind but I've been attracting 46 yr olds!! Thats a bit too old for my liking lol

misi Fri 22-Aug-08 23:03:29

why? I'm not as old as 46 but am interested to know wink
a year after I split with my ex, through my study, I met a tutor who was really sexy and I had trouble concentrating on my work. she was it turned out, 16 years younger than me and at the end of the module she was taking, she asked me out shock. trouble was, after 6 months, I realised she was after marriage and kids etc etc etc, and I wasn't ready for that as I was still in court with my ex, but apparently, theres something about older men over younger men, so she said blush

sillybillybee Fri 22-Aug-08 23:15:20

I don't really know (and thats the truth). Have always had bfs either slightly younger or up to about 3 years older. I suppose an older man is unchartered territory for me, maybe I should change that?? I still see myself as quite young and I suppose I'm not anymore
I had to grow up quick with everything I've been through so from being 18 was very mature for my age, yet I still have days when I feel like a 20 yr old, maybe I think I'd lose that if I was with someone a lot older.
Don't know if that makes too much sense it's getting late and I've had a couple of drinks blush

navyeyelasH Fri 22-Aug-08 23:28:45

My mate is 27 and she has just got herself a fab bloke - he db is 3 years old. Do not panic you'll find the right guy, probably when you least expect it. And in the meantime have fun looking wink

misi Fri 22-Aug-08 23:55:02

sillybillybee however many drinks, it does make sense!!
I'm 42 and when not feeling sorry for myself or under stress/attack from my ex, I feel like 20 too and I feel some women my age are, well like you, will make me feel old!! today I had a great fun time at a place called timbuktu, one of those places where you crawl around tubes, slide down slides, walk across rope bridges, swing on ropes, all indoors, I am sure you know what I mean? I think my 4 year old son had fun too grin but I certainly outlasted him climbing around and as one mother said, 'making a fool of myself' (not sure why but she probs cos she was an old hag!!).
it really does depend on the bloke, my mate is 10 months younger than me, but he was an old man several years ago, can't do this or that at our age you know!! WHY?????
at 26 nearly 27, you still are young, don't think of yourself as anything else, I feel old sometimes but I still think of myself as young. why act your age when you can act your shoe size grin???

this is mostly a cultural thing though, in many cultures a woman never marries someone close to their age. MY g/f (if she comes back which I am not sure if she is) is from the ukraine. there and many east euro countries it is common for a woman to marry someone 10 or more years older, but then many ukrainian women think that if they are not married by 25 with kids, they are on the shelf and are an embarrassment to their family (so not all good) for a woman to marry and have kids by 25, most young men are not ready which is why an older man is more suitable.

sorry, pushing the older man is best here, vested interests you see wink grin

sillybillybee Sat 23-Aug-08 11:41:36

Thx navy, that gives me hope at least, all of my friends my age are taken well except for 2 male friends but they're also ex's so best not go there again lol.
Misi, I also think good on them when I see adults running round the indoor play centres but glad your son enjoyed it too grin and I agree with you on the 'old hag' wink
sad that you think your gf is maybe not coming back, but yes you are right, I'm basing my ideas on the 'norm' that I know and all my friends are with people of a similar age and as I said before I've only had bfs of a similar age too. See sometimes you need to push the older man is best, u've definately given me something to think about

misi Sat 23-Aug-08 11:50:03

thats good sillybillybee!!

she may not come back as her 6 year old son is a bit homesick, she took him 'home' for the summer, (they have 13 weeks hols over there for summer shock) but he is a bit unsettled over here so we shall see. wouldn't mind going over there myself really, life may be harder but it is a lot simpler and safer in ukraine (except for russia threateneing to nuke them like they threatened poland) but I couldn't take my son away from his mother or leave him behind but I am still young yet so have plenty of time wink

mum2bean Sun 24-Aug-08 16:26:46

i'm a female just being nosey (sorry)
dont worry, my aunty has 3 children of her own (one with a slight disability) plus she looks/looked after myself and my younger brother full time. she recently broke up with a complete tosser, and she had found love with a 25 year old!!!!
it is possible, dont give up hope, if a man is scared away by the fact you have a son, he is not a man at all, and not worth the second look you gave him.

mum2bean Sun 24-Aug-08 16:27:32

i should add my aunty turnt 36 yesterday!!

sillybillybee Tue 26-Aug-08 19:36:28

Thx misi, and I hope it works out for the best with your gf
Mum2bean thanks good to hear positive stories.
For some reason I'm feeling even more yuk about all this today, have had a really lonely weekend, but tomorrow is another day and I will (hopefully) feel better in the morning.

NotDoingTheHousework Tue 26-Aug-08 19:41:34

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