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Sorry this is really long, but I need a mans opinion please.

(9 Posts)
ConfusedandHurting Fri 20-Jun-08 17:53:36

I need a male opinion. Started seeing now ex dp about Oct/Nov time last year. Things moved pretty quickly, too quickly, by end of Jan we were living together, by the end of Feb we realised it wasn't working out as well as we'd wanted so he moved out. We had decided to go back to the way we were before as we were really happy then. Before he moved out he did some things which pissed me off, and rather then try and sort it out I rather stupidly ignored his texts, phone calls and blocked him on msn.

Anyway had been happy on my own since then, but last week he got in contact with me again. We had a good talk and he said we had both run away from something special and can we try again. I agreed as I know the way I treated him was unfair and the good bits by far out numbered the bad. He spent all last week sending me lovely texts, talking to me on msn and the phone, and came over on Saturday for an hour, and couldn't keep his hands off me telling me how much he missed me. Just kissing and nothing more.

This is where it gets weird, he wouldn't commit to seeing me again, his texts were a bit funny and he didn't have time for me on msn. Well then my mate saw his profile on POF, as yet he doesn?t know that I know about it. Anyway he called me last night after he had been drinking, saying he wants us to be friends and have tea and chat like we used to and have fun if we are both single. At this point I asked him if it was a fuck buddy he was after, and he said no that I mean more to him than that. He told me he is not looking for anyone else, then said you have been a bitch(I agree) but I love you, so I asked him what he wants from me, and he says to take it extremely slow so we don't mess up and no pressure.
My problem is, I can't get him to respond to my texts when he is sober, he only called me last night when he had been drinking, and by doing a search I can see he is logging into POF daily.

I need to know what he thinking from a male point of view. I didn't realise how much I missed him until last week, and I so want to work things out with him, after he called me last night I just thought well if he called me must be a good sign. Am I wasting my time hoping we can sort this out? Why does he call me when he is drunk?
I am sorry I never meant to type so much.

UnquietDad Fri 20-Jun-08 19:59:04

Well, it could be that he doesn't really know what he wants either.

Let me think about it for a bit...
Or maybe someone else will have a bright idea...

ConfusedandHurting Fri 20-Jun-08 20:12:37

Thanks ud, I put this in chat and have a few responses now, would still like to hear a mans thinking behind this too.

gillybean2 Sat 21-Jun-08 10:43:27

Sorry I'm not a man, but my point of view would be possibly that he's not found 'love' on POF or any of the other sites he's on and may even have been rejected a couple of times by people he was keen on and is feeling low. It's the time of year for it.

He's likely to be wanting someone to love and to love him, and you're the person he remembers having that with. It's sort of safe with you in a way. If you reject him then what did he loose, but if you say yes then he's not such a bad awful guy after all. It also will make him feel more attractive, sexy etc.

Also those dating sites like POF can be a little addictive, checking to see if anyone has emailed or checked you out. We all like to know other people are interested and find us interetsing and attractive. I wouldn't read too much into it at this stage.

Maybe he only calls and texts when he's drunk because his inhibitions are lower and he doesn't take so much notice of the voice that tells him you're going to reject him again.

Maybe he wasn't expecting you to say ok, which might leave him thinking 1) hmm, did i really want this or 2) where's the challange in that! Only you can know what kind of guy he is. Is he usually honest and straight forward, or does he like a challange, the chase and to play the game so to speak?

I think you (yourself) need to work out what you really want from this. If you think it's a good idea then hold back and wait a little and see what he does. Seeing that you got on with your own life might have made him want to be part of it again. DOn't go back to how it was before, that clearly didn't work for you.

So basically I agree that he is confused and doesn't know what to think.

umberella Sat 21-Jun-08 10:47:01

what's pof?

gillybean2 Sat 21-Jun-08 11:04:15

POF = plenty of fish, a dating site

ConfusedandHurting Sat 21-Jun-08 17:32:18

Gillybean that makes alot of sense He had been trying to get back with me for a few weeks after the split and would ask me if I missed him, on the times I unblocked him on msn. I never went on msn much after we split as I needed to work out what I wanted. It's taken me 5 months to work out that I still want him.

He is used to be really honest and staright forward, don't think he likes a challenge tbh and he seamed pretty much his old self last week, till we met up again on Saturday. Then went all weridy on me.

He called me at 3am last night, didn't sound too drunk and told me he wasn't. We talked about POF, he told me he had a few emails but not met up with anyone from there or anywhere else. I did tell him that I am not going to be 2nd best, or the back up plan in case someone better dosn't come along. He told me to be all that he wants and be 1st best. Did actully think we were getting somewhere. So I told him to talk to me today when he is sober.

Back to today, he only just text me, and think that because my cousin decided to text him(I didn't know she was going to do that) to ask whats going on, and he didn't know her number.

All I want is to talk to him face to face when he is sober, so I can see what he wants. I am going to back off now, if he wants me he knows where I am. He mentioned again last night how I hurt him back in Feb, maybe he is trying to hurt me in the same way.

Triathlete Wed 02-Jul-08 22:00:02

He wanted what he can't have, now he knows he can have it again, he doesn't want it.

He has to get drunk to talk to you, and won't commit to meeting you and talking to you when he's sober.

I don't know why you're even thinking of reopening communications with him. Walk away.

(I used to be that guy, by the way, until I sorted myself out and got honest)

confusedandhurting Fri 11-Jul-08 22:28:39

Thanks Triathlete. I know you are right. I forgot about this thread till now. We slept together last Friday, and it really helped me see things for how they were. He only wanted sex, I knew that and tbh it's helped me move on. I am no longer waiting around to see if he will talk to me. If he manages to sort himself out and I am still single, then maybe we can give it another go. If I meet someone else, then it's game over for him. Thanks for your reply.

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