Don’t enjoy being a dad

[Shill100q]

Need help/advice
Dad to a 2 y/o girl who is amazing and who I love very much but I just cannot seem to enjoy anything about being a dad, playing annoys/bores me and I feel everything I’m supposed to enjoy I just don’t. I now dread days where she and my wife are home with me and just want to be on my own a lot now.
I hate myself for feeling this way and feel so bad when I see other dads who seem a lot happier to be with their kids and I just can’t feel it.

I hope i can get by this feeling but I’m not sure I can, just wondered if anyone else had had this and any tips that might help?

Cheers in advance

[Puffalicious]

Look, you signed up for this, she is YOUR child and count yourself very lucky to have a loving family.

Work out things you like doing: get her in a bike trailer and go cycling; walking in the park in puddles; outdoor games; going for a drive and an ice cream; silly board game? This is up to you- put your mind to parenting and you'll find a way. ' Raising Girls' by Steve Biddulph is an excellent read.

[Iminaglasscaseofemotion]

Yup most kids activities are mind numbing. Playing is mind numbing, but kids can play themselves, they don't need to be constantly entertained.
Have you always felt like this, or is this new?

[LightDrizzle]

Fake it ‘til you make it.
Lots of people probably do. You say you adore her, so you are not a monster. Lots of parents, including mothers, adore their babies and toddlers but struggle immensely with the boredom and relentlessness. It doesn’t last forever.
Remember this will fly by, even though it feels endless, and you are doing this for your child and not for you. They are little sponges and learning machines at this age and they learn through social interaction, repetition and exploring physical and mental boundaries.
Take them out as much as possible; on walks, to the park, feed the ducks.
Remember your partner is going through the same thing and hasn’t got a magic hormone that makes it easy for her.
I remember thinking that I knew why they find Neolithic people with skulls that evidence trepanning; after a few rainy days stuck in a cave with tiny children and no recourse to TV or digital distraction, I’d want to bore a hole in my own skull too.

[june2007]

Their is similar one with a mum saying how boaring parenting is. Yes it,s mundane a lot of the time.

[Childrenofthestones]

Start by turning your phone off and putting it in a drawer when you are together.
I'm guessing a lot of resentment may come from she is eating your time that you spent on yourself and your own enjoyment whether watching YouTube clips, Netflix or whatever your hobby is.
She is your hobby now and if you let yourself get into the joy of being a dad she will be the best most rewarding hobby you could ever have.
Try not to feel resentful, you aren't alone, many parents sometimes feel like this. Set time aside for yourself to do what you enjoy. The fact that it will be a lot less time than it used to be should make it more enjoyable and not resentful.
It's not a popular turning the phrase nowadays but it is time for you to man up and put her first.

[Wales34]

The best advice I can give is to try and fully immerse yourself when you are playing with her , don't think about looking at your phone , don't concentrate on the clock , and try to get out and do different activities. Its also OK to ask for some time for yourself, providing your partner is allowed some also

[AlbaAlba]

Parenting is sheer unadulterated drudgery a lot of the time. That's pretty standard. And it's just as bad for women.

Make sure you and your partner both have fair time alone, and then time when you are either 121 with your DC, or in family, and the time with DC and family try to concentrate on them. There's some studies somewhere showing shorter periods of full attention are really important and may be better than days spent half-heartedly engaging whilst on phone or something.

Things do improve when they get to about 5 years old, I've generally found. There's still drudgery, but less of the relentless washing, cleaning, potty, baby stuff.

[Orangeblossom7777]

At that age being out can be interesting for them, just walking, go for walks with the busy and you can chat to your wife...it changes as they get older, maybe you can find things you are interested in to share, that could help.

[Lozz22]

@Puffalicious

Look, you signed up for this, she is YOUR child and count yourself very lucky to have a loving family.

Work out things you like doing: get her in a bike trailer and go cycling; walking in the park in puddles; outdoor games; going for a drive and an ice cream; silly board game? This is up to you- put your mind to parenting and you'll find a way. ' Raising Girls' by Steve Biddulph is an excellent read.

Your post just goes to show how many judgemental people there are on this forum. Earlier today someone posted about not being able to bond with her Baby, wouldn't feel anything if anything happened to him etc etc yet people were telling her oh it's ok you've just got a bit of pnd I didn't bond with my child till he was 7, not telling her to suck it up and be grateful she has a loving family.

[SkedaddIe]

How are you getting on @Shill100q?

Did any of the pp advice work and are you bonding with your little one?

[curtainsfort]

Look, you signed up for this, she is YOUR child and count yourself very lucky to have a loving family.

What a terrible response to someone struggling.

I would suggest a visit to the GP. Withdrawing from your family is a possible sign of depression.

[vdbfamily]

I think in some ways this is normal. There seems to be a myth that enjoying being with small children is normal and certainly normal for mother's but for most it is brain numbingly boring. I remember the sheer relentlessness of life when I had 3 little ones. Yes, there were fun moments and I loved then to bits but it was not' enjoyable' all the time. I do think though that we spend too much time trying to entertain our kids and would agree with the idea of getting them to join in with stuff you are doing but at their level. If you need to mend your bike, do it in the garden and keep an eye on them as they potter with watering can or small trowel etc. Go for walks. Do some cooking and give them some safe utensils to fiddle with our a cupboard full of Tupperware for them to rearrange. I used to get on with the days plan and involve the kids rather than constantly entertain them. Don't beat yourself up about it and don't expect it all to be a joy!

[Autumnblooms]

Of course it’s shit- not ever heard any man or women claim they LOVE parenting. However most of them are decent parents though.

Loving parenting and being a good parent are 2 separate things. It’s not about you and what you want to do, it’s about your family and what’s best for them. That’s what happens when you choose to have kids, it becomes not just about you anymore.

[Scarby9]

Apart from being alone, what do you enjoy doing?
How can you involve her in that? Seat on the back of the bike? Helping you mix the roux? Dropping bulbs in the holes you have dug? Gluing bits of wood together?
Maybe sometimes involving her in your world as well as taking a deep breath and diving into hers will strengthen the bond. Generally little children want to be with you - the actual activity is less of an issue.
And being with her is the non-negotiable part of being a parent.

[Isitsixoclockalready]

Looks like the poor bloke was driven away by some judgemental comments on here. It's natural to be bored by games that the children play at times (depending on the age and games). It's not unnatural to think that it's boring and I know for sure that the feeling happens to mums and dads. Just try and look enthusiastic, interested, ask lots of questions to keep them engaged, don't always feel obliged to play as it's good for them to use their imagination. Stick some music on in the background, make a coffee, do some dancing or act silly, that's what I do!

[makinganavalon]

Completely shocked by first poster. I immediately thought OP may be struggling with depression whilst reading this post, as have others.
I hope you are ok OP. Please reach out to GP/ mental health services for help. You obviously care very much about your family but may need some extra support to see you through, and there no shame in that.

[Cgcgcg]

Hi mate, it’s tough. Felt like that before and it was rough. Potentially was feeling some sort of depression? I found exercising and routine helped me with this. Ignore the ‘you signed up for it’ bollocks. Hope you’re doing well.

[dottydodah]

I think no one can really prepare you for being a parent really.Some days are great,some terrible (temper tantrums and so on). The rest a little like you mention .Do you have male friends who are dads as well? Could you go out with them sometimes . Truth is leisure time will be seriously eroded with LO .It doesnt last forever though . Saying "you signed up for this" crap doesnt help .Its a bit like saying your new job is shit ,but you "signed up for it!" Maybe see if you can join a football team ,or pub quiz team ?Whatever helps you .If you are feeling low maybe see GP as well.

[duvetdayforeveryone]

YANBU. You want to spend time with your wife like adults.

Could your daughter use a tablet device with headphones? She could watch Cbeebies on bbc iplayer sitting on your lap with the headphones, whilst you and your wife watch a film on the TV.

Also, do you have a relative/friend who could watch your DC whilst you and your wife have a date?