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new separation

(10 Posts)
a090 Sun 31-Mar-19 19:57:53

Hi guys,

I’m really in need of some advice.

-We initially split in September 2017 I had an affair and I moved out.
-I moved back into the house in October 2017.
-We lived as a couple from then until Jan 2019 when I put the house up for sale.
-When I did this she confessed to having a one-night stand with a “random guy” just two weeks after we came back from a family holiday in Disney (September 2018).
-She moved to her mums and took the kids with her.
-Two weeks after moving out she told me that our son was having an allergic reaction to her mums’ dog I immediately moved out and let them have the home for his sake.

Over the last month we have accepted an offer on the house and we are both seeing new people. I was unaware of who she was seeing and likewise. My access to the kids since the split had been:
-Each morning to school.
-Wednesdays and Fridays 15:30-17:00
-Saturday’s 9-1.
-All day alternate Sundays.

-Upon learning that my new partner was the woman whom I had had an affair with 18 months earlier however, my access to the kids each morning and all day alternate Sunday’s was revoked.
-my wife now drives our daughter 5 miles away from the school (our home is 100m away) and has another parent bring her 5 miles back to school.
-Since moving out I have been paying half of all of the household bills (£300 mortgage and £250 bills) + the full BT bill (additional £80) and I have also paid £210 a month to the nursery for our youngest’s childcare fees.
-This month I sent £180 less as I mistakenly had an item delivered to the house and she signed for it and sold it. The item was worth £180.

I’m now in a position where the house sale is going through but we cannot come to an agreement on finances or even begin to discuss custody. She has just assumed the role of boss and is telling me when I can and cannot see them and isn’t allowing me in the house (locks changed).

I now need to appoint a solicitor and to get the ball rolling on all of the above, but naturally I have no experience of this and wondered:
-How long will the process take to go to court?
-I want 50/50 custody is there any reason I won’t get it?
-Does custody of the kids affect the financial settlement?
-Is there an average cost for these cases in total?

Just as a note - I’ll be divorcing her on the grounds of adultery.

Thanks for reading.

Amongstthetallgrass Sun 31-Mar-19 20:12:26

Your divorcing her on the grounds of adultry when it was you who was first shagging about? That’s a bit rich!

You sound as if you both need to grow up to be honest.

Amongstthetallgrass Sun 31-Mar-19 20:16:24

I want 50/50 custody is there any reason I won’t get it?

You are aware 50/50 is supposed to be for the benefit of the kids don’t you?

Reading your post again I think what’s motivating you is money and what you stand to lose or not pay.

a090 Sun 31-Mar-19 21:00:23


I'm divorcing her as after I had an affair we got back together and then she cheated on me.

In terms of the kids, I want 50/50 access because they need me just as much as they need her and that is for their benefit, I was just querying as to the finances because it's something I have no experience of.

In terms of growing up, you may be right, but divorce gets petty unfortunately. I just want a fast result so I can see my kids again properly and get on with my life.

Palaver1 Wed 03-Apr-19 22:41:20

It doesn’t matter what you divorce her on .
You can see why she might be upset .
You should get professional advice as you have a right to see as well as bring up the children as well as sort out finances
It’s the children’s welfare that matters

funkylittleboatrace Thu 04-Apr-19 12:54:42

I love that she sold the item you stupidly sent to your old address!.

TooTrueToBeGood Thu 04-Apr-19 13:03:15

I think you should try mediation if you haven't already. The two of you need to try and put all the shit behind you and figure out a way to co parent amicably. Going down the full legal route will be expensive and even if you get the result you hope for enforcing it will be a whole new battle.

I'm divorcing her as after I had an affair we got back together and then she cheated on me.

No, you're being childish and hypocritical. Why not divorce her on the grounds she was a fucking mug to give you a second chance? Seriously though, the pair of you need to stop acting like vindictive teenagers. You can't expect her to adopt a more mature, less vindictive stance whilst you yourself are being a prat.

IvanaPee Thu 04-Apr-19 13:06:17

Divorce is only petty if the people involved are petty. Which you are.

It doesn’t sounds like you’re motivated by the best interests of your children at all.

You’re also not going to listen to any criticism (call it a hunch), so I will say that how you act now will impact your children for the rest of their lives. So tread carefully.

Scorpvenus1 Mon 17-Jun-19 11:25:41


So you cheated and its ok but her isn't allowed... Tell me how that can be? do you have special rights from god???

What a self entitled ass.

Scorpvenus1 Mon 17-Jun-19 11:26:40

Op should be divorcing on grounds of his dishonesty. The fact you moved back in and saying your with the bit of fluff you cheated with, ah this is priceless I really think you deserve to have access revoked as you clearly have bad traits the DC can pick up.

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