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Divorcing vs staying put

(5 Posts)
Squashedout Fri 01-Mar-19 09:45:25

Hi All

Going through a difficult marriage right now. For those of you who have been divorced, what has been the outcome? Would you say you were totally better off in terms of general happiness? For instance might have found another half that you get on much better with? Or even if you are still single, it is still a better option than still being in that marriage?

Or do you look back in regret and wish you could have Both worked harder to stick at it? (Even though you might have felt at the time you were already working hard at it?)

ReaganSomerset Fri 01-Mar-19 13:32:32

Have you tried counselling? Does your OH know how you feel? Do they feel the same?

ReaganSomerset Fri 01-Mar-19 13:33:42

The problem with basing your decision on what others have done is that you are not them and what happened to them has no bearing on what may happen to you.

PurpleWithRed Fri 01-Mar-19 13:40:01

There is a difference between difficult patch and completely broken down.

That said, I initiated our divorce much against XDHs wishes. We are now both happily remarried.

Childrenofthestones Thu 21-Mar-19 10:09:19

6 months after I divorced I wished I could have turned the clock back as she is a good woman.
But now several years on I realise it was the best thing for both of us as we are now both very happy in other relationships.
On the other hand a good friend of mine has been in an abusive, miserable shitty relationship with an abusive, miserable, shitty woman for 15 years.
He has stayed for the same reason that many women stay, because of the two children, as on the only occasion he tried to leave she turned her abuse on them.
The main difference being that unlike women's services, there was no where for him to go and take his children with him.
When the youngest goes to uni he will be off.
It's a difficult choice as most relationships aren't like my friend.
Of course, for women, age can make difference as she may be giving up a chance to have children and a happy life with another person by hanging around and then eventually divorcing after late 30s anyway when it's too late to start a family. I think they are under more pressure to cut their losses and run.
Best wishes making the decision

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