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Wife keeps spending

(22 Posts)
BreakingDad77 Wed 31-Oct-18 19:14:14

Hi I have just had enough, our relationship isn't that great as it is, we have ds 5 and sleep separately. Wife keeps spending on credit card, promising to payoff but didn't, hasn't. We have had loans, then more loans, remortgaged last year to be able to pay off, now we back again in same situation, 20 grand loan, 7 grand on credit card and she racked up grand spending last month.

converseandjeans Wed 31-Oct-18 19:16:27

Does she not work? I don't think she should have access to all your money.

HoleyCoMoley Wed 31-Oct-18 19:18:16

Cut up the credit cards, inform the bank you don't want any more loans, see a debt specialist to consolidate and start to pay off the outstanding debt. Put your own salary into your own account, are you both working. Suggest she seek help with spending, is she depressed.

Ylvamoon Wed 31-Oct-18 19:19:04

What is she spending the money on?

LunaTheCat Wed 31-Oct-18 19:25:24

She has an addiction . She is shopping to make herself feel good.
What is she spending on? Are there unopened bags and clothes with labels still on?
It must be very hard for you and Good for you for posting.
Why is your marriage so unhappy? Be honest with yourself and what you could do better.
What was her childhood like? Addictions are often a response to trauma.
Have you tried talking with her when you have not mentioned spending but just asked her how she is feeling? Have you tried professional help - your GP and budget advisory service would be good places.
Does she accept there is an issue. If she doesn’t see there is a problem then sometimes there is little you can do but look after yourself and protect you and your child’s financial future.
Best wishes

DDogMum Wed 31-Oct-18 19:26:06

Christ!! I love shopping but that's ridiculous.
Can you speak to your bank about protecting your credit history moving forwards as much as possible? Maybe consider signing up to one of those online things where you get a notification when a credit search has been carried out in your name - id be concerned she'd take money out in your name.

Sleeping separately - is she depressed? Only ask as mega spending is a sign of either bipolar or manic depression I think?

Dragongirl10 Wed 31-Oct-18 19:28:44

cut up her credit cards, and debit cards, give her a limited amount of cash daily or weekly, do food shopping online, and take control!
I am frankly amazed you have let her continue like this!!

DDogMum Wed 31-Oct-18 19:30:47

Yeah..... everything @Dragongirl10 just said!

AdoraBell Wed 31-Oct-18 23:13:40

Is she depressed? I overspend when I’m depressed.

Have you talked properly about the spending? I don’t mean reacting when the bills turn up, rather talking about why she bought X, what does she feel when she spends/why does she think she needs X.

I agree with removing cards and using cash. One of the biggest problem with cards, especially contact less payments, is you don’t really notice that you’ve spent. Using cash triggers a brain reaction almost like pain. Classic example is my DH, he can happily spend 30 grand on a car but £2.50 in a coffee shop is really difficult for him, unless he uses his phone.

Re reducing the debt can you sell stuff?

1forAll74 Thu 01-Nov-18 03:01:24

Just read your post late night BreakingDad . I could not offer any solution to your awful problem re money worries, but people on here always say you can get help with things as such, like debts,and credit cards etc.. Wild spending and debts can make your life a total misery.

I am perhaps the worst person here to talk about money,as I am the biggest cheapskate person ever, I have never had a credit card or a loan whatever, but that is no help for you of course. But I have offspring with crazy spending habits, and whatever I say to them,it matters not it seems, they call me an old biddie with outdated views on money.

So the only thing I read on here about money problems, is to try and get help re this, as it is now causing you a serious problem re your wife and way of life.
Winning the lottery is a bit of a crap thing to think about !!

noego Thu 01-Nov-18 08:39:51

She has an addiction, just like gambling or drinking. She needs therapy urgently. If she doesn't see that (denial) then I would remove yourself and your children from the environment. Seek a divorce and start afresh.

Believe me. I've been there. It will end in tears, you will lose everything in the end.

BreakingDad77 Thu 01-Nov-18 19:02:50

Thanks for your replies. She does work, and she pays water and council bill. she does lots of hours but just seems she spends it all and doesn't leave money for food and is putting on credit card.

She does have some issues from when she was young, has been to talking therapy. I said I would be happy if she wanted to see someone privately but she wont.

She doesn't ever seem happy these days unless she is going out or buying stuff. House is full of clothes, yes ones with tags etc.

BreakingDad77 Thu 01-Nov-18 19:07:48

She offered to pay 200 but I felt I had to ask. I had opened credit card and said I don't get all these charges. It supposed to be for emergency or paying for things to payoff next month, or health things. But she has been 700 quid worth of beauty and shopping. I keep telling her I don't have money to pay any of this off as have just started paying off a loan which is 500 a month.

BreakingDad77 Thu 01-Nov-18 19:09:51

I had thought of asking her to move credit card to her account but I'm just concerned she will just go spending loads as she got into mess with credit card near start of out relationship, racking up stupid fees.

Dragongirl10 Thu 01-Nov-18 22:23:19

Op you really need to get a grip of this ...stop asking her, just cut up her credit cards and prevent her getting at any need to stop her or you will both be bankrupt.

AdoraBell Fri 09-Nov-18 00:23:03

Have you made any progress Breaking ?

FillmeupDaddy Mon 07-Jan-19 14:30:52


tillytrotter1 Sat 12-Jan-19 20:20:46

* what you could do better.*

Ha, I just knew it would be his fault!!! Cancel all the credit cards with your name on and refuse to pay anything off for her, make her sell some of the junk she's bought.

LuluMelons Sat 12-Jan-19 20:22:57

Is this not a form of financial abuse? She's recklessly spending money you don't have.

Tinkerbell89 Wed 16-Jan-19 13:10:58

Take away joint cards and let her only have her own card that's in only her name ave her responsibility to pay off. Alternatively no credit cards only allow her to have cash to pay for food shopping etc

Hard one really but something needs to be done. Counselling may be as she appears to have a problem...addiction to spending

BreakingDad77 Mon 22-Jul-19 20:56:44

Update we going to be seperating, we currently have 25k loan and she has run about about 8k on a credit card and probably only paid about 500 off. Un/fortunately my dad has died and house etc will be able to clear these debts but Im seething inside that she will be getting away with running up debt without comeback.

StrawCat Tue 23-Jul-19 23:17:47

Once you are away from here stay away. I had an ex who run up debt in my name even after we had been separated. It won't end until you completely cut off/destroy any of the previous ways to access money or credit.

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