My first ever post on anything like this but have no idea where to turn. Start with the basics i am a 22 year old dad with a 15 month old boy, he is my pride and joy. I am still together which in some people my age can be quite rare.
For a long time my partner has suffered from depression, she had a miscarriage not long before my son was born and i think some of her depression stems from that and obviously pnd from after our son was born, in the last few months especially since she has started full time work her depression has accelerated at a very fast pace, when shes not at work all she really does is sleep, she is letting her hygiene slip, she is very short tempered and can be quite nasty and also make comments about how she has no connection or bond with our son. This has led to me taking on alot of the primary care for our son, most nights i cook his dinner, i make his lunch, i get his breakfast, i get him ready for nursery, i bath him and put him to bed most nights(i have no problem with this as i love the time i spend with him) but find it all very challenging as i have a massive balancing act between work and home life, it has started effecting my job as whenever my boy is ill, or is sent home from nursery early or just days we have no one to look after him its always myself that needs to take time from work as my partner always has a reason why she can't.
I suffer from quite bad anxiety and some depression myself and have done since i lost my mother at the age of 16, so i can understand my partners issues but can never seem to get her to talk to me about anything or whenever she does she always gets angry and upset which in return can cause me to get angry, i have some issues processing emotions at times and seem to react out of anger its always my go to emotion, i am currently seeking help with this issue and i am going to behaviour therapy to combat this but i can understand that sometimes i don't help matters. On sunday night i got a phone call from my parents mother and she informed me that my partner had made an attempt to take her own life, her mother came to visit and interrupted and managed to stop her doing serious damage to herself, obviously i raced straight home from work and have been by her side since, i am devastated, confused, angry and just numb, i found the note she wrote to me and my son and just broke down i feel like i am failing because i didn't notice how bad she is getting and after seeing that note i know she was serious about this.
She is still very quiet and won't really talk to me, she gets very angry when we talk about it and is still having suicidal thoughts, i want to apologise for the length of this but i have no idea what to do, my head is all over the place i feel like have lost the person i love to this horrible illness and i don't know how to get her back, if anyone can take time to read this and have maybe been in a similar situation i would honestly appreciate any sort of advice no matter how little, thank you in advance for taking the time to read this.
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Feel like i have lost my partner to depression
15 replies
Frazz1 · 09/10/2018 19:53
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