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(61 Posts)
Willie1973 Sun 12-Aug-18 14:52:41

I told my wife of a 3 1/2 year affair. I was seeing a lady who was going through a rough time in her marriage. Her husband moved out back home in October and I was staying round hers 2 or 3 nights a week. She is now going through divorce and said i was the reason . I told my wife that I wanted to end the marriage and pursue the life with the ow . But last week I had a message on Facebook from her ex husband to be . Wanting to know the last time I say her . She accused me of playing mind games and wouldn't answer the phone . So I sent a screenshot of the message. She then called me back straight away and I told her to tell him truth about us . She wouldn't so I told her she needed to if not if he contacted me again I would tell him . So in the end I had told her anoth is anoth I wanted us to be a cpl to do cpl things and I would leave my wife. In the end I had to tell him as he started harassing me . The thing I am struggling is not the break up it's the fact she told him she hasn't see me in 2 1/2 years and is denying it even it's even happened . At witts end because I sent him all the proof he needs I feel I have betrayed her but I think he needed to hear the truth .

RoseAndRose Sun 12-Aug-18 15:00:20

So the short version is that you have left your DW, and have only duscovered since then that the extent of your OW's lies is somewhat greater than you knew before (you must have known that both of you are liars, as that is a basic necessity in conducting such a betrayal of primary relationships).

It doesn't really change anything. She's still a liar, and the person you chose.

Willie1973 Sun 12-Aug-18 15:02:09

No I haven't left my wife my wife want to try again. Which I am grabbing with both hands . But just struggling why she needs to still denying it

YeTalkShiteHen Sun 12-Aug-18 15:03:02

You’re lying to your wife, cheating on your wife, hedging your bets and now upset because the lying cheat you cheated with is lying?

And you expect what? Sympathy? Can’t see how. Also can’t see many Dads agreeing with you.

PickAChew Sun 12-Aug-18 15:04:18

So you cheat on your wife with another married woman and you expect the transition from one relationship to another to be simpler?

Willie1973 Sun 12-Aug-18 15:05:08

I have told her I would stand by her when her husband found out . But I have just found out she told him it was over and she was still seeing me . I know it not right but I can't see point in denying once caught

PickAChew Sun 12-Aug-18 15:05:49

Oh, I get it. The grass wasn't greener, after all. Still don't expect it to be simple.

YeTalkShiteHen Sun 12-Aug-18 15:06:26

I hope your wife kicks you out. She deserved better than someone picking her because his better option fucked him off.

Willie1973 Sun 12-Aug-18 15:07:57

I ended it with the ow infact

YeTalkShiteHen Sun 12-Aug-18 15:08:45

Oh so you did, I’m sorry, you’re a wonderful human being with a fantastic moral compass!

Oh wait....nope...still a cheating, lying, bet hedging scumbag.

Willie1973 Sun 12-Aug-18 15:09:31

Well we all make mistakes

PortiaCastis Sun 12-Aug-18 15:09:56

Oh hey ho the old "going through a rough time in the marriage" trope gets trotted out again.

The pair of you are cheats and deserve all you get

No sympathy here

Willie1973 Sun 12-Aug-18 15:10:54

I haven't come for sympathy. Just advice to see if anyone has been in same position

YeTalkShiteHen Sun 12-Aug-18 15:11:31

Sticking your penis into another woman for 3.5 years, then hedging your bets until you decide which woman you want isn’t a mistake. It’s a choice, and one you made because you are only thinking about yourself.

Isn’t it funny the way that liars can manipulate things to sound better than they are?

Hopefully your poor wife finds someone who respects and loves her and ditches your sorry arse.

RoseAndRose Sun 12-Aug-18 15:11:54

Well, if you're really fixing things with your DW, then there is no quandary for you. As you'll be NC with ex-mistress and what she tells her DH is nothing to do with you.

If you want advice on 'how I can get everyone around me to do exactly as I say, so I get my way all the time' then the only answer is 'forget it, you don't get to control other people like that'

If there is something else on which you want advice, could you be a bit more explicit in saying what that is?

Whoisalanbrazil Sun 12-Aug-18 15:12:45

The way that reads is that you were leaving your wife for her but when you found out she's been lying to her husband about still seeing you, you've decided to stay with your wife. Lucky wife.

Do your wife a big favour and leave her anyway, you're worthless and she is better off without you.

PurpleDaisies Sun 12-Aug-18 15:15:46

Anoth is anoth? Is that supposed to be enough is enough?

You sounds absolutely awful.

Willie1973 Sun 12-Aug-18 15:15:49

Excuse me I haven't tried to control anyone . Just wanted some advice. I am no NC with the ow . But can't see why denial

PurpleDaisies Sun 12-Aug-18 15:17:20

If you’re nc now, why does the denial matter?

Are you really surprised that a low life cheat wouldn’t honestly admit to what they’ve been doing?

Willie1973 Sun 12-Aug-18 15:17:46

We all make mistakes in life and this was a very big one and

obsessedpoas Sun 12-Aug-18 15:20:22

God I feel sorry for your wife! Horrible man you are! Should be ashamed of yourself! "Wife wants too try again so I'm grabbing it with both hands" Jesus Christ!!!! What's wrong with you! Leave your poor wife alone and divorce her she will be better off in the long run! What the hell have you done too the poor women too make her feel so low that she must stay with a cheating scum bag like yourself ewww ewww ewww

Willie1973 Sun 12-Aug-18 15:20:44

Because all keep getting is ex husband wanting know what's gone on . And I blocked them both as me and the wife wants to try at making amends she has been honest with me because I came cleaned and owned up even tho it wasn't over

ivykaty44 Sun 12-Aug-18 15:20:57

The problem with having an affair with someone - as you have found out - is they are liars, they lie to thier spouse and the AP thinks it is just the spouse they lie to... it isn’t unfortunately they lie to everyone, even themselves

obsessedpoas Sun 12-Aug-18 15:21:08

3.5 years isn't a mistake you idiot!! It's a choice. You make me sick

Whoisalanbrazil Sun 12-Aug-18 15:22:30

I'd be surprised if he understood you even if you told him.

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