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Wife suggests affair??

(9 Posts)
Confusedhubby12 Sun 01-Jul-18 21:41:35

After 25 years of so-so faithful marriage, the last 15 with minimal intimacy ( her choice) our youngest son turned 18 and I asked for a divorce. I knew that if we didn’t split I would cheat and then she would dump me. ( I don’t like lying). She asked me to stay, not wanting to destroy the family and said I could have an affair or visit escorts. She didn’t care cause she’s doesn’t want sex. “Just don’t cause embarrassment”. This is not “ every mans dream “. Should I go? I tried counselling 12 years ago, she didn’t show up after work. A split would hurt family and friends and cost a fortune . Help!

Childrenofthestones Thu 05-Jul-18 22:15:54

Google "dead bedrooms" for a perspective of the thousands of men that have been in your place.

AnneLovesGilbert Thu 05-Jul-18 22:22:35

If a split is what you want - and after 15 years then fair enough - then what price your freedom? Your children are adults, they still need you but not in the same way as when they were younger, and it doesn’t sound like your marriage has been what you wanted for many years, so I’d look into what divorce will really mean for you and go get some legal advice.

The idea that my husband cared so little for me that he’d be happy for me to have sex with someone else would be the end.

And “staying together for the children” when the children are grown up is even dafter than doing so when they’re still dependent.

user1471596238 Wed 11-Jul-18 10:33:15

I have to say, that wouldn't do for me. In a marriage, sex and love should be part and parcel. If you feel that you can live with that, fair enough but you are either going to end up having an 'empty and perfunctory sexual experience' with someone who couldn't care less or you are going to risk falling in love with another woman and they with you and I'm not sure if your DP has considered that prospect.

You need to seriously consider your happiness and well being - especially now that your children are grown up.

willyloman Tue 09-Oct-18 22:02:53

Oh, go find true love. YOLO!

AlmaGeddon Tue 09-Oct-18 22:18:55

25 years means you are probably 50 , 55?? For heavens sake make the break before you are of an age where you fear old age and illness alone so feel obliged to stick together.

1forAll74 Fri 12-Oct-18 04:33:45

Everything in your post sounds, not so good. But you need to think long and hard about what you would like to happen. A divorce would affect the family, and so would you having an affair,or seeing an escort person. Your situation is not going to be simple to work through though.
And just going out to find sex is not the way to go.

I am not in any way preaching here, your situation as such, happened to me years and years ago,and it all went down hill eventually.

Middersweekly Tue 23-Oct-18 10:07:13

I think it depends really on whether you are just looking for sex/hookups or whether you actually want a full and meaningful relationship. If it’s just sex you are looking for then she’s given you the green light to Go ahead and look for it so perhaps consider staying in your marriage if everything else about the marriage is good.

If it’s a full new relationship you are looking for then you need to consider divorce and moving forward with your life.
15 years is a long time to be unhappy and many would have been long gone years ago. Good luck OP!

Unsure123123 Fri 26-Oct-18 17:20:16

I think it might work intially but long term it spells disaster. Just leave and let each of you be happy. You only have one life why spend it miserable?

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