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GCSE exam stress

7 replies

Farmer1 · 06/04/2018 15:40

Hi - so my son is an intelligent and very capable lad. He has a good circle of friends and is sociable and ‘doing all the things’ that one does as a teenager. His exams are coming up in May and he is totally engulfed in fear of them. He can’t revise or study as he just ends up panicking and going to bed. He is beginning to show signs of being depressed but is still able to socialise. He has lost a lot of confidence lately because he is not revising and he can see on the various social media platforms, that his peers have started. Does anyone have advice ? We support him regularly by trying to talk about it and have encouraged gentle revision ( like and hour here and there ) but he simply can’t do it. We’ve offered to help with the revision / organising his work / bought materials to help etc but he is frozen at the moment and can’t do it. He wants to go to college and be part of his friends group progressing forward but realistically, this won’t happen with his current fear.

Any thoughts appreciated

Farmer

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Childrenofthestones · 11/04/2018 00:29

I have two daughters one sitting A levels and one GCSEs.
They are both suffering in the same way your son is but the younger one is being bullied by another girl to boot.
Our home is a nightmare of constant
walking on eggshells.
You have my sympathy for what you are going through.
Approach your sons school and arrange a meeting with head of sixth form and put them in the picture. They will have dealt with it before and should be there to help and set an action plan to help him.
My eldest started on Sertraline about 3 months ago and while it doesn't work for everyone the difference it has made to her has been amazing and though she is still stressed her ability to cope has improved by leaps and bounds.
She still has meltdowns though and this morning I only just managed to coax her in for a Physics A level mock.
I think you will get a better response in the teenager forum.
Best of luck mate.🙂👍

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Farmer1 · 17/04/2018 23:37

Thanks so much for your message - it’s really good of you to message me. We have been given propranolol to slow the heart rate down and we are giving that a try. He is suffering from panic attacks but he can’t talk about them or anything to do with them, it’s like they are happening but he hasn’t accepted it. He has been to the doctors so many times and offered the 16-19 Camhs support but 5 weeks later we’ve heard nothing. Considering options to take him out of the exam process and get him to do them when a) he’s had support and b) when he’s ready - this will be difficult in that he won’t go to college with his mates but that’s not the end of the world - just a different process. So hard to cope with this right now for us all - we need to stay strong though ( you and us ) and that is all we can do in the knowledge that it can be managed and that there are ways to make this problem GO AWAY - and also look after yourself - no one told us that and we’ve ended up pretty knackered ! Take care and post again with any updates - it would be good to share the positives when they arrive, because they will arrive eventually.

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Blogwoman · 17/04/2018 23:53

Just wanted to offer a bit of support here, though sadly no advice really. I recognise some of the things you describe Farmer1 in my youngest, who is doing A levels this year. Long-standing anxiety & panic attacks, didn’t find counselling helpful, & so disappointed yesterday to go to the GP and be told talking treatments are the recommended thing. She doesn’t think it will help and having to initiate this by ringing the relevant service feels too much for her. She missed loads of school last year due to physical illness & surgery, & has seen her A level & career aspirations slipping away - very hard. It feels like the be-all & end-all when they’re in the thick of it, doesn’t it? We’re focussing on supporting her to do the exams (better than not turning up...) and just see where we are when the results come in. But I hate seeing her so affected by anxiety.
Children, glad your daughter is finding sertraline helpful. My eldest started it last year and it is really helping - wish she’d had it while still at school.
You both sound like really supportive parents. Yes let’s hang on to the knowledge that there are & will be positives!

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HeddaGarbled · 17/04/2018 23:55

Oh dear, it sounds like he is not going to manage any revision at the moment so I would back off from the encouraging him to revise thing for now. You don't need to decide about whether to withdraw him from the exams quite yet. He may feel able to go in on the day(s), he may not.

Camhs is hopelessly underfunded and short staffed. There are long waiting lists and he'll likely only get short term support anyway. Any chance of going private?

He could actually go to college without any GCSE "passes". There are Entry Level and Level 1 programmes and FE staff on courses at that level are used to working with students with difficulties. Vocational courses are usually assessed by assignments rather than exams so if exams are his big difficulty, they may be more suitable for him (though he will have to retake English & Maths if he doesn't achieve 4s. If you do decide to go that route, make sure you talk to the Learning Support team at college before he starts.

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Farmer1 · 18/04/2018 14:07

Thanks for all of your replies - it would be great for a magic wand right now but that’s going to happen for any of us - the kids involved have forgotten how brilliant they are and we are all searching for the key that unlocks the door that prevents the remembering this. We’ve got another gp appointment today to see if a higher dose might help curb the severity of the panic. It is difficult to function as a ‘normal’ family with all of this going on as I’m sure it is for you all too - but we need to remain strong and in control ( easier said than done ) and ride this out. In terms of their careers and aspirations they may be slightly out of sync with the majority of other students but all the kids involved with this awful experience will find their place and do well. It’s not over till it’s over and it’s not over x

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Farmer1 · 19/04/2018 21:09

Hi Blogwoman - I re-read your message and wanted to try and offer some moral support from a practical point of view ( despite being in bits myself ) - life is different now to when it was when we were their age. So much more is tolerated and so much more is ‘normal’ compared to when we were young. There are many examples of this and I won’t write them on here but you get my drift !
So if we think about that in the context of what we are both / all going through, we must realise mustn’t we that this also applies to us and our kids given their current difficulties. These difficulties are relatively short lived although they feel like they last a lifetime right now. Our kids will get the better of this at some point either by adopting known techniques to help them cope or by using meds in some capacity to assist them. Meds sounds scared when I write that but if you think of how many adults use alcohol to improve their mood or release stress, then really this behaviour of using ‘something’ to cope is not completely alien.
Look at the positives for your daughter - she’s got GCSEs so she CAN study, she IS capable and she WILL get there but maybe not at the same time as other ‘normal’ kids. And let’s look for one minute at these ‘normal’ kids - many of whom experimenting in drugs, alcohol and other ‘stuff’ but they remain in the process of exams and don’t exhibit the same panic and anxiety that our kids do. Does this make them ‘normal’ just because they fit in to the process ? Despite their dangerous choices t the weekend ?
Our kids may not do exams at the same time that other kids do, but that doesn’t mean it’s over for them. The facts are, that panic and anxiety can be managed. They can sit exams and study if and when they are ready meaning careers are not over or limited, they are just approached from a different process at a time that’s right for THEM and will be stronger for their battles and maybe even more capable and effective at whatever they choose to do.
I’m not wanting to sound like a lecturer here, I’m far from that but we have to keep open to the future and all we can do is guide them to stuff and eventually we’ll find a path.
This experience is tough but if we take the world as it is now we have to accept that with all the madness that goes on around the world, surely anxiety and panic is a sane response to an insane world.
We’ll get there.

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Blogwoman · 21/04/2018 21:17

Thank you Farmer, some wise words here & I appreciate you taking the time to share them. I’m very glad that neither of my kids does drugs and only very modest alcohol. I hope the GP appointment went well.

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