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Need a male opinion!

(4 Posts)
user1489908303 Sat 27-May-17 07:35:07

Hi all,

Just looking for a male opinion on the situation I am currently experiencing with my son (9).

Me and my ex split up over 8 years ago, I'm married with another child and a baby on the way and my ex has been with his girlfriend for 4 years. No more children.

There has been nothing but trouble since they got together.

In recent months, my son has complained that he doesn't want to go round there anymore and he hasn't really said why. I've tried to encourage him to maintain the relationship with his dad but he's now adamant.

He told me last week that the girlfriend is spiteful to him. She won't let his dad spend any time with him alone and when he asked to see his dad alone, he was told 'in this family we do everything together' - and that was that.

He told his dad he didn't want to do go fb his week and My exs gf then proceeded to tell him that if he didn't see them regularly as normal then he wouldn't be welcome there at all! I mean come on who says that to a 9 year old?! His dad meanwhile sat silent letting her do all the talking.

My son has now told me some of the things she has been saying and doing and I'm not happy - these include not letting him charge his phone so he can contact me, telling him that people who eat takeaways are 'dirty' (he was treated to one recently and told them), he is not allowed to mention me or my parents when he is there, she lies to his dad about him being rude to her, and telling him that she wanted to 'smack me in the mouth' because I had already made arrangements for the weekend of a family members wedding so he couldn't go (her family)

Have any of you men been in this situation? Did it dawn on you that your son should come first and that you are being completely controlled and manipulated? Did you finally stand up for yourself?

BoneyBackJefferson Sun 28-May-17 19:37:52

Did it dawn on you that your son should come first and that you are being completely controlled and manipulated?

how does it dawn on anyone that they are being controlled and manipulated (male or female)?

Sounds to me like he is in an abusive relationship, these relationships are complex, difficult to escape from and it is really only recently that it is becoming accepted that males can be in an abusive relationship.

user1489908303 Mon 29-May-17 09:00:16

Hi boney, sorry I perhaps uses the wrong wording here - probably out of frustration.

Have you had experience with this at all? It's just hard seeing the effect on my son - and to be honest, his dad after being generally a decent bloke and good dad.

BoneyBackJefferson Mon 29-May-17 09:54:59

If your ex is going to remove himself fro the situation it is more likely that the relationship will run its course and end rather than your ex escaping.

It also probably means that unless your ex actually sees what is going on it will become circular, in that he will continue being in these types of relationships

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