Have pushed wife away for years

(11 Posts)
caringdad1 Thu 20-Apr-17 21:07:41

I have woken up to what I am and now I feel guilty. I worry she is with me just because of children.

I really do love her and want to make things better but how can you make up for years of selfishness?

Timeforabiscuit Thu 20-Apr-17 21:09:38

Actions speak louder than words, how are things bad at the moment?

MariafromMalmo Thu 20-Apr-17 21:11:43

You can make up for it by stopping being selfyand apologising and owning it.

Why were you selfish and what has caused this reevaluation

ScarlettFreestone Thu 20-Apr-17 21:14:53

Talk to her.
Start with lots of small steps.
Expect it to take a long time.

She's hung in with you this long, you might not be able to "make up for it" but you can certainly make her life happier going forward.

Talk to her.

caringdad1 Thu 20-Apr-17 21:16:52

No specific selfishness but relentless over the years. She is a saint to me and our 3 children and various pets but I'm struggling and trying too hard to fix a problem which she appears to have ignored.

I am probably over thinking the whole thing but I want to make it better for her because she deserves it. Maybe a mid life crisis at 51years.

We are off on holiday next week and I want to make it special for her rather than a drag

caringdad1 Thu 20-Apr-17 21:18:42

Thanks Scarlett, very useful advice

caringdad1 Fri 21-Apr-17 17:46:23

Sent a few romantic texts today which I got a really positive response from, so thanks for the advice.

Making her favorite meal tonight and have downloaded her favorite film. Large G&T waiting for her as she walks through the door. Kids bathed and in bed by 8.30 and time for her to unwind after a stressful week.

Don't want her to think I am being nice because I have something to hide as I haven't apart from my worries. Need to strike the correct balance

thethoughtfox Fri 21-Apr-17 18:53:40

Organise all the meals and clothes for the children when you are on holiday. She will love you.

P1nkP0ppy Fri 21-Apr-17 19:01:25

Start with a heartfelt apology or she might be suspicious of your motives, I would be 😳
And don't expect things to suddenly be hunky dory, you've got a heck of a lot of making up to do, even if she does accept that you've suddenly seen the light.
Good luck.

VivienneWestwoodsKnickers Fri 21-Apr-17 19:02:33

Have you told her your realisation? Tell her. Don't hide it, then there's nothing to question.

Recognition of your shortcomings, and what you've witnessed from her. And why you appreciate her. And what is going to change.

And then stick to what will change.

Apart from upping the romance, what do you think you can change? Does she want or need practical help? A break from drudgery? Time together? The opportunity to do something just for her? I'm not suggesting a spa or new jewellery, I mean the big things in life. Is there a career she never had a chance to try? A training course she wants? The opportunity and time to climb Everett? Learn to make felt art? Who knows. But something that's all hers.

And are you OK?

caringdad1 Fri 21-Apr-17 20:20:53

A lovely message Vivienne, thank you. Particularly useful advice as well may I add.

I'm all good actually, nice to be asked.

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