No specific selfishness but relentless over the years. She is a saint to me and our 3 children and various pets but I'm struggling and trying too hard to fix a problem which she appears to have ignored.
I am probably over thinking the whole thing but I want to make it better for her because she deserves it. Maybe a mid life crisis at 51years.
We are off on holiday next week and I want to make it special for her rather than a drag
Sent a few romantic texts today which I got a really positive response from, so thanks for the advice.
Making her favorite meal tonight and have downloaded her favorite film. Large G&T waiting for her as she walks through the door. Kids bathed and in bed by 8.30 and time for her to unwind after a stressful week.
Don't want her to think I am being nice because I have something to hide as I haven't apart from my worries. Need to strike the correct balance
Start with a heartfelt apology or she might be suspicious of your motives, I would be 😳 And don't expect things to suddenly be hunky dory, you've got a heck of a lot of making up to do, even if she does accept that you've suddenly seen the light. Good luck.
Have you told her your realisation? Tell her. Don't hide it, then there's nothing to question.
Recognition of your shortcomings, and what you've witnessed from her. And why you appreciate her. And what is going to change.
And then stick to what will change.
Apart from upping the romance, what do you think you can change? Does she want or need practical help? A break from drudgery? Time together? The opportunity to do something just for her? I'm not suggesting a spa or new jewellery, I mean the big things in life. Is there a career she never had a chance to try? A training course she wants? The opportunity and time to climb Everett? Learn to make felt art? Who knows. But something that's all hers.
My ex partner done this. It was great for a few weeks but felt very 'false' when he started being over the top nice to me but I thought I will just play along and we got on great. It was nice but sad to say after a few weeks he reverted to type. He admitted he felt guilty and wondered why I hadn't found someone else so he knew the way he was treating me was wrong and wondered why I accepted it. I think someone said something to him which rung true which kick started him being nice.
Allow time for her being angry with you too. Because she might have the perfectly reasonable reaction that you could have been good to her like this all the time and times of transition can show issues sharply