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Do you want to turn your wife on

(20 Posts)
Sarahisthename Fri 14-Apr-17 22:27:39

Just that really
DH very overweight. He knows i don't like it, he knows it doesn't turn me on.
He has plenty of time to go to the gym ... Has a membership
Male opinions wanted ..,? Does he just not care?
I'm same size as when we met. Take care over my appearance

DoesAnyoneReadTheseThings Fri 14-Apr-17 22:28:41

You sound a treat, can't believe he doesn't wanna shag you... hmm

PaintingOwls Fri 14-Apr-17 22:29:36

What motivated does he have to go to the gym though?

FishyGill Fri 14-Apr-17 22:33:09

Why don't you like it?

FishyGill Fri 14-Apr-17 22:38:24

Why don't you like it?

Babyblues14 Fri 14-Apr-17 22:43:41

If you dont like the way he looks then leave him. But dont stick around to make him feel shit about it. My dh was in a small men's when we met. He now wears large. Doesn't make me fancy the ass of him any less. Sounds like you only care about looks, so you should find a guy like that.

LondonStill83 Fri 14-Apr-17 22:52:15

I am in the same situation op.

It's very hard as I still love DHs personality. But I don't fancy him when he cares so little about his appearance. It's not just the weight (though it is a turn off that he has gone from a size 30 to 38 and is short so really makes him look fat), but the general lack of care about his appearance (often unshaven, never irons his clothes, wears clothes that don't fit, trousers falling down and showing off his bum crack, etc). I find the whole thing such a turn off and I have tried to tell him but he won't change. He doesn't seem to understand that him becoming lazy about his appearance doesn't make me want to shag him! I don't want to leave because I do love him. But I am very unhappy at the moment and the laziness, manifest in his appearance, is really off putting.

Flowerydems Fri 14-Apr-17 22:56:14

My dh has put on weight lately but what can I do. He shagged me when I was at my most fat and unattractive so why shouldn't I return it. He's still the guy I married and I still love his personality so what difference does it make? Do you still like him? More his personality?

LemonRedwood Fri 14-Apr-17 22:58:07

Is this the female version of that delightful man who wrote the What Men Want post?

Maybe we should introduce them to each other.

Sarahisthename Fri 14-Apr-17 23:00:34

Does anyone read this...
Erm yes DH always wants a shag .... Perhaps cause I take an interest in how I look ... If he didn't want to shag me I wouldn't be so bothered...
Painting .... He obviously has no motivation ....however I am motivated to try my very best to look good for him... I want my spouse to have a decent sex life
Baby... You obviously don't get it... If your DH deliberately did something that made you feel un attracted to him perhaps you'd understan
London / I sympathise xx

FishyGill Fri 14-Apr-17 23:04:57

My H put on quite a lot of weight but i didn't find it unattractive. It was a problem though because it made him unhappy.

You're assuming he's doing it to spite you, not making an effort even though you've told him, as opposed to asking if he's happy with how he is now. If he is, you really don't have anywhere to go with this.

Sarahisthename Fri 14-Apr-17 23:06:29

Lemon - do you have a parent who is very overweight when you work hard to to look good for them ? I suspect not as you wouldn't be so flippant .

Babyblues14 Fri 14-Apr-17 23:10:13

Maybe he is sick of your nagging about so thinks why the fuck should I change lol

LemonRedwood Fri 14-Apr-17 23:12:52

Sarah I have a DH whose weight fluctuates, as does mine, and it doesn't seem to matter to either of of. We both work hard to live well and be able to spend time with each other. Your attitude seems very shallow, which is why I referenced the other thread. Neither of us looks the same as when we first met and our looks will continue to change as we age. Some things can't be helped even if you do make time to go to the gym. I would expect my DH to hold that against me and I certainly don't hold it against him.

LemonRedwood Fri 14-Apr-17 23:13:12

*either of us

Smeaton Fri 14-Apr-17 23:13:27

I'm a male.
My opinion is that your about as supportive as a foundation made of cheese.

So you sat him down, spoke to him calmly, explained you're concerned that you don't find him attractive any more. Had a grown up conversation?

Or did you just moan at him, call him names, have a go and then cry to manipulate him?

How about suggesting activities to do together? Bike rides? Gym Walks? If he's over eating, suggest a diet, or shop together.

There's plenty of options open.
But the way its handled is with love and compassion.

(I would also so that a man coming on MN saying what you have said would likely be torn a new one. "My wife is fat and I dont fancy her any more")

LemonRedwood Fri 14-Apr-17 23:14:03

Also, I've never worked hard to look good for a parent. Hope that wasn't a Freudian slip.

Sarahisthename Fri 14-Apr-17 23:15:48

Baby blues - are you a bloke ?
Yes I think yoyr exactly right . I've nagged pleased told him how much it means - but I think he knows we are married ... And i imagine he's exactly 'why the fuck should i'

Sarahisthename Fri 14-Apr-17 23:25:51

Smeaton- really do you think that anyone wouldn't try the softy softly approach before getting fuckec off...
Yes I've tried to encourage ... Give him time - he has time to go to the gym when he's at home- there's a gym at his work too. I've tried to suggest 'activities ' we could do as a family ..but nothing really works . In the last few days I've told him I don't want to have sex. He's not asked the reason for this - however he's actually been Doing excercise and not eating so much ... I won't hold my breath though !

gojettersgo Fri 14-Apr-17 23:26:24

You don't love him unconditionally, I think that's the issue.

However, you can't force physical attraction,

I hadn't fancied my husband physically for a while but our circumstances have changed for the better recently (kids sleeping through consistently, less work commitments etc) and he has morphed into the perfect DH and hey presto I'm all over him. So there may be a wider issue of why you don't find him attractive. Is it more the lack of self respect he has more that the actual way he looks? If so, where is it coming from?

You may benefit from counselling to help you work through it.

It may be that he does lose weight and you still don't fancy him because of other, hidden issues.

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