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Gentlemen a question if i may......

(15 Posts)
kimi Tue 27-Feb-07 13:54:10

I am sorry to bother you lovely gentlemen but i need to ask a little question or two....

1) Do you have female friends?

2) does your wife/partner know

3)does your wife/partner mind?

You see I talk/talked to one of the school run dads , have done for approx 2 years.
We talked about our kids our family's, the rugby, day to day stuff.
He knows my DH1 (we are seperated), he also knows my new partner, My new partner fixed his PC for him a few weeks ago.
He is a lovely bloke and very funny.
There has NEVER been anything other then a friendly chat gone on between us.
At the weekend my DP gets a text from this guys phone that came from his wife and said..

I sent a text back saying no, and a text asking what the hell was going on.
I got a text from him on Monday saying his wife found an email address and a forum on his PC she did not know about (gaming ww2 stuff) and has told him marriage over.
Also the fact he talked to me was a problem as she did not know.
Im at a loss.
Did i do something wrong talking to this guy, i assumed his wife knew he talked to me, and why if she did not did he not tell her he did?

Blokes oppinion please......

UnquietDad Tue 27-Feb-07 14:00:03

My answers: 1) Yes, b) Yes, c) No.

Although d) she might mind if she suspected I was friends with someone because I fancied them.

Not that I'm suggesting that's what's happening here. Some people just have a problem with it. My BIL, for example, would NEVER have female friends because his wife would just simply never allow it - she is a jealous insecure mare with a small-town mentality.

if you've ever been to uni, or do evening classes, or have a hobby which isn't one-gender dominated, you'll have friends of the opposite gender. It's quite normal.

But I was amazed the last time I asked this on here to find out how many people consider it NOT normal.

UnquietDad Tue 27-Feb-07 14:00:28

sorry, I have no idea why I changed from 1-2-3 to a-b-c. !

kimi Tue 27-Feb-07 14:11:27

Thank you UD.
I met DH1 when i was 14 and so most of his friends (although not all) were male, I have worked in male dominated jobs and I have never thought it any different to go for a coffee with a male friend then a female friend.

I don't think I'm a moose but I am never going to win miss world either,and I have never thought of this bloke as anything other then a mate, I really don't think he saw me as someone other then a mate to chat to. I have only ever met this man's wife once, so I don't even knows who I am as such.

kimi Tue 27-Feb-07 14:12:37

Sorry should be I don't even think she knows who I am as such.

Gee72 Tue 27-Feb-07 15:00:52

1. Yes, but only old ones
2. Yes
3. Not really

When I was younger (school and Uni) I always had more platonic female friends than male mates. So there are still a couple of those on the scene. There was an initial period with DW when ahe had to adjust to these women being around but nothing serious.

I have to say I probably wouldn't go out of my way to make any new female friends outside of couples, just to avoid misunderstanding. I'm friendly with women I work with, but keep a little distance. I think my wife is the same. I might be a little suspicious if she started seeing a new male friend socially - but a chat at the school gate? Nah.

kimi Tue 27-Feb-07 15:30:02

We walked up the road together from the school.
There really was nothing going on.
I feel so sad that I might have caused him problems.

FloatingInSpace Tue 27-Feb-07 15:48:48

Boyf and I talked about this the other week, because he has a wide variety of friends, male and female, who he has known since his teens, and nearly all the females he has had some sort of involvement with in days of youth (the odd snog, romantic involvement etc). It doesn't bother me at all that he's still mates with them, but mainly because they all go out as a group, and me too sometimes as well. But we both agreed that it would bother both of us if the other started going out 1-1 with a member of the opposite sex on a regular basis (a one off is fine, both of us have opposite sex mates who have lived abroad & we've met 1-1 as a one off when they visited the country). If it was regularly, you wouldn't be able to help start wondering what was going on, or if something would in the future. It just feels a bit wrong, unless perhaps it was an old friend. Definitely never would with an ex. Chatting at the school gates wouldn't even enter my mind as being suspicious.

When I was with my ex, I used to go for drinks regularly with another guy (who, I admit, I wouldn't trust as far as I could throw him, either) but it was completely innocent on my part, and my ex gave me an ultimatum- stop seeing him or the relationship was over. I did as he said but resented it afterwards, esp as it was entirely innocent in reality. Later, I started a new job and went out a few times with one or two of the guys there 1-1, but at that point it wasn't entirely innocent, I had a major crush on one of them, and although I never cheated on my ex, it certainly felt like it. So he had a point that time! Anyway, it was me who actually ended the relationship eventually because I knew by then the relationship had no future, was wrong etc.

I think there has to be trust in a relationship and hopefully you can trust your partner to see other people perfectly innocently, but at the same time, your partner ought to respect when you find something he/she is doing particularly difficult. Trust is hard to achieve. Well, it's always eluded me anyway!

kimi Tue 27-Feb-07 17:43:30

Thanks FIS

Catbabydaddy Tue 27-Feb-07 22:03:20

Yes Yes and No. My wife trusts me - why shouldn't she?

BigGitDad Tue 27-Feb-07 22:21:48

My answers are the same as unquietdad.
I think this is your friends wife's problem if I may say so. You do not know the full story. He may have a crush on you, she may be insanely jealous. It will be sad as you feel you are losing a friend but you do not know what he has said or is doing? I would keep your distance until this is resolved and certainly do not get dragged into their domestic.

Beetrootccio Tue 27-Feb-07 22:34:07

biggitdad hav eyou changed your name or are you new?

HappyDaddy Wed 28-Feb-07 11:08:13

Yes, Yes, No.

I agree with UQD, BGD and CBD.

BigGitDad Wed 28-Feb-07 11:29:23

No I am new, I have been watching the site for a while, my profile will explain all.
Thought I'd increase the male quota on the board for what it is worth.

Pann Thu 01-Mar-07 01:06:26

kimi - can you clear up a question? How come there had been an exchange of mobile numbers in the first place??

I am single right now, butthe answers to questions are/would be same as UD's.

Welcome, Git.

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