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Her tribe vs me

(10 Posts)
Nessy240987 Tue 24-Jan-17 22:42:07

My wife has just past 14weeks with our first baby, we've had issues conceiving and stayihg pregnant in the past so we did IVF and finally we're on our way to having a baby, due in july. Her sister is also pregnant, due at the end of January. My sister in law and morher in law are doing my head in! Everything is being reverted back to her pregnancy, we talk about ours and it has to be compared to hers and how she is feeling and she's been there and done it. I feel like they're both judging me and nothing I do is right. As much as the wife tells me she's on my side, when they're about, they're too much, I'm struggling to keep biting my tongue. Any of you guys had experience of this or any ideas of how to deal with it? I'm known for being a little explosive at times and I don't wanna lose my mind over it but I can't keep my mouth shut for much longer

TrollTheRespawnJeremy Tue 24-Jan-17 22:53:32

Can you not go on 'tea duty'? It means that you don't need to listen to them but you're still keeping up appearances.

Are they actually judging you and saying mean things or is it a bit in your head?

Nessy240987 Wed 25-Jan-17 15:52:23

I tend to go on tea duty, unfortunately they insist on congregating in our kitchen rather than our lounge so that doesn't get me a break in proceedings but it does give me something else to do. If only for a few minutes.

They don't actually day anything mean, it's the rolling of the eyes and looking at me like I'm stupid when I don't understand some the baby chat, this is my girst baby, I have no idea what some of the things they talk about are.

I do acknowledge that a proportion of it probably is in my head but they're quite judgemental people at times and think if things aren't done their way then they're being done wrong. Apart from her brother, he and I are quite similar in some ways but with him being in the army and me running a pub/restaurant/hotel we don't get to hang out as much as we would like.

Sometimes I just want us to have our own space and time and not be smothered by them but how do I tell my wife that? She adores her familyand doesn't see that they're doing anything wrong.

NewtScamandersNaughtyNiffler Wed 25-Jan-17 15:55:38

My exes family were like this when I was expecting dc2 and sil was expecting dc1. I used to smile and nod. Smile and nod.
Everything I did was wrong in their eyes, and sil would know. She was a nanny at the time. Despite the fact I'd been pregnant before sil still knew best.

Congratulations on the pregnancy. smile

Nessy240987 Thu 26-Jan-17 00:52:00

I guess I just need to work on my acting, I try smiling and nodding but my wife knows I'm not interested in anything they're saying, she says I look disinterested in anything they say, which to an extent is true, I know they're trying to gelp but their interfering is a little too much for me. This is my baby as much as it is their daughter's but it's definitely not theirs. Thanks for allowing me to rant a little guys

NewtScamandersNaughtyNiffler Thu 26-Jan-17 06:26:57

Rant away. And you don't have to be interested wink

sandgrown Thu 26-Jan-17 06:35:29

I think for the sake of family harmony you just have to bite your tongue. When your baby arrives just show them what a hands on and competent dad you are. They may think they know all about babies but when they get a real live baby all the stuff they have read will go out of the window! No two babies are the same. Congratulations on the pregnancy smile

CauliflowerSqueeze Thu 26-Jan-17 06:39:16

I'd say, as I hugged my wife, "We just can't wait for our baby, so exciting! And it will be lovely for you having a grandchild and a niece or nephew, too!" Keep saying "our baby". They're being very annoying I agree.

VoyageOfDad Thu 26-Jan-17 20:14:57

I would sit down and have a chat with your wife, because once the baby arrives she'll probably ( by way of 'women talk' and time spent with baby ) be much more clued up than you. And as such you're likely to be told frequently that you're doing it wrong. When really it's a matter of experience.

It's catch 22. You need to be caring for baby to learn the routines and how to use the kit, but you're elbowed out of the way because you lack the experience.

Hence you need to talk to your wife about this situation arriving.

As for the family you just have to grin and bear it. Parenting requires an awful lot of patience!

Nessy240987 Sat 28-Jan-17 09:17:31

Thanks guys, I'm working on being more patient with them and finding things to occupy me whilst they're here. Work projects, decorating all sorts of stuff. I'm finding it creates some space between us that helps me bite my tongue a little longer

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