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Silly Dad

(11 Posts)
Dadlad88 Wed 18-Jan-17 20:43:58

Thank you for reading....I have a 3 year old son (4 in July) I did something rather silly yesterday.

Basically I picked him up from the child minder who lives a stones throw away but I had forgotten to pick up a bag from the porch that my OH had asked me to, the boy had gone to sleep so I thought I would quickly pop back over to go and get it (trust me I am regretting even thinking it). My OH was on her way home from work and we bumped in to each other at the tram stop which is between the two house, safe to say OH lost her sh*t. I know this was a stupid thing to do and there is no excuse for it. I would never intentionally put our child in any danger, lately I have been making some poor decisions but at home and at work, we lost our second child at 12 weeks back in September and there has been a series of health issues with all three of us this past year. Some of the things I have been doing are just not me at all. Today I decided to put diesel in my car thank god for the AA. I just want a neutral take on what I did plus what the hell is going on with me. Thanks in advance.

sotiredbutworthit Wed 18-Jan-17 20:48:33

You poor thing! Sounds you all have a lot on your plate. I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how that feels. Are you receiving counselling? I think the key here is communication. Do you speak to your OH about things that are bothering you and how you feel? I think you need to be kind to yourself. You are going through so much. Xxxxxx

Dadlad88 Wed 18-Jan-17 20:53:59

Thank you, I have spoken to my doctor who has made suggestions that I am looking into. Talking in our relationship doesn't really get far, it's to a point were I think what is the point. Obviously now with what happened yesterday she is angry with me and her words today via what's app "I literally hate you right now". How can I speak to her after that.

HughLauriesStubble Wed 18-Jan-17 21:13:19

Sorry for your loss flowers I'm afraid I haven't much advice except to say that it's understandable that you are distracted and not yourself. I agree with sotired you need to try and communicate with your OH, she is in the same position as you and if you don't talk about it, it will fester between you and push you further apart.

As for leaving your child unattended, you already know that what you did was wrong so no pint flogging yourself over it now.

Take care OP flowers

Phoenix76 Wed 18-Jan-17 21:14:43

Even without all the things you've had going on, we all make mistakes/errors of judgement etc that's being human. I'm also so sorry about your loss, you & oh will definitely be having feelings of anger, grief, frustration and it'll often manifest in how you do/don't communicate with each other. Of course you're going to do a few crazy things, but I agree you need emotional support to deal with how you're feeling as everything you're going through will affect all aspects of your life. I hope your oh also finds the strength to seek support. You sound like a lovely daddy just having a hard time. I hope you all find healing very soon, it's hard but don't give up trying to communicate with your oh, we've all said things out of anger we really didn't mean x

VoyageOfDad Mon 30-Jan-17 21:25:29

I think you have to be clear in your head where any childcare redlines are.

You know it, you simply don't leave a three year old alone ( contradiction below ), even if they're sleeping.

I guess there's a mitigating factor if you think your dp is going to go nuclear at you forgetting the bag.

I've a friend, who told me has in the passed walked 50 metres to his local Tesco with the baby monitor for a 2 and 5 year old.

Nobody died. Nobody suffered but your dp obviously is not really trusting you.

Reassure. Be clear in your head. Heal yourselves.

donquixotedelamancha Mon 30-Jan-17 23:33:32

I'd be an absolute basket case if this happened to me. There is nothing to be said to something that horrible. You are still grieving and seem (quite reasonably) depressed.

I'd have a very honest conversation with work. I'd also take some serious time off sick.

I'd have a very honest conversation with your wife- don't expect you can articulate it all properly, just starting to talk may help her. She'll be worried about you and grieving herself.

user1485899292 Tue 31-Jan-17 22:03:25

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

IrnBruTortie Tue 31-Jan-17 22:11:13

Wtf user? Reported.
@dadlad88 you messed up, but you know you did. Talk to your wife. The best of luck.

SmallBee Tue 31-Jan-17 22:12:16

I think that you need to make time for yourself here and get some counselling.
You've been through a lot and seem to be suffering as a result. There's no reason to delay getting some help. Try visiting www.mind.org.uk tonight and go from there. flowers

TizzyDongue Tue 31-Jan-17 22:20:52

If it helps any Dadlad, my dh and I have been through loss, and I've said similar to him. At the Tim, in that moment, I did feel it, but it wasn't so much what he'd done but the anger of loss that was behind it. Take a bit from the use of the words 'right now'.

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