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Am I an overly insecure dad?

(9 Posts)
user1471888854 Mon 22-Aug-16 19:55:54


Been wondering whether or not to post this here, but decided I would. We have a son, 15 months old, and for the last 4/5 weeks has been living with his mum abroad. I've lost 5/6 jobs in 18 months and we're about to lose our house, so we decided it was best they went to live with her parents while I find work.

We talk every day, but have noticed he has been very obviously "off" with me, refusing to interact on Facetime, rarely enjoying my silly faces and other things which, in person, he loves. I've been with him almost every day of his life due to my job hell (so, a blessing in some ways), but I still wonder whether he really is hurt/angry (even his face looks livid when he sees me!) at 15 months, or if I'm just being over-sensitive.

Any thoughts?

They'll be back in a few weeks and I'm obviously beside myself; I've already missed out on so much, but I just hope he and I - who had such a strong, tight, fun connection until 5 weeks ago - will still be ok.

Would be interested to hear from any other dads (or mums) who have had a forced holiday/break and how that affected your relationship with the little one.


VioletBam Tue 23-Aug-16 11:58:59

I'm a Mum. My DH had to go to the other side of the world for 8 months when our DDs were 4 and 14 months.

At 15 weeks your son has no grasp of it...he won't be affected or even remember. It's very normal to feel anxious won't affect anything.

WheelofPan Wed 24-Aug-16 23:28:30

a dad here. agree. all he is interested in is sleeping, eating and filling his nappy. you are a very distant 1,456th on his agenda. worry ye not.

apatheticfallacy Wed 24-Aug-16 23:41:00

Hello, mum here,

My son is a very similar age (15 months) and his dad is only away from him for the working day - albeit a long working day. They see each other for 30 mins every morning and all weekend. FaceTime, photos of his dad, all those kinds of thing bring my son out in an irrational rage. I think it's because daddy is the 'fun one' and he's angry that daddy isn't here to play right there and then.

As early toddlers they're just learning how the world works and it's very frustrating that it doesn't work exactly as they want all the time. Your son is probably angry that FaceTime daddy can't tickle him right there and then rather than being angry at daddy as a concept. I'm sure he adores you!

Good luck, it sounds like you're in a really stressful situation and I wish you all the best

user1471888854 Thu 25-Aug-16 09:04:09

Thanks both. I think you're both right in your own way. Either way, will stop worrying about it!

Bexta147 Thu 25-Aug-16 09:11:00

My OH had periods where he doesn't see the children for weeks at a time due to work as he leaves before they are up and back after they are asleep. They used to get a bit funny with him when they didn't see him and would be clingy with me and not really want anything to do with OH. He obviously used to get upset about it. But after a couple of days of seeing him as normal, all was forgotten and they were back to being daddy's boys!
Don't worry he will be fine once you are all back together. ☺️

Illstartexercisingtomorrow Fri 16-Sep-16 00:21:30

I disagree with those saying your ds doesn't understand or has no grasp of it. He totally does and is showing you it.

Some children are more sensitive than others. My DD is super super highly emotionally tuned and sensitive to my emotions and my DH's, and that's without him having spent as much time as you have with your ds.

My DD has quite stubbornly and obviously shown her anger to me since she was tiny - at 8mth old I left her for a day and got the 'silent treatment' until the following day. People who do not have a child who is this wilful will say they don't believe it - but it is true and I had other family members around at the time who noticed her behaviour towards me it was that obvious. It has happened on several occasions when I have overstepped her boundaries.

Similarly my DH used to work away and return at weekends - her reaction on Mondays when she found out he's gone was awful. It would be a day of tears and tantrums (18mth old at that time). Her reaction to him returning initially was overjoyed then ignoring.

She got over it. It never lasted long. Don't take it personally and be calm and patient. Don't beat yourself up about it. I'm glad for your son that he is so attached to you.

Raineau Mon 28-Nov-16 20:13:44

I think his not angry but I'm guessing he misses you and doesn't understand why you are not here. Please do not worry, you have kept up with face time which is important and he will remember your face and voice. I'm guessing he just missed you don't be so hard on yourself.

Summertime1 Wed 30-Nov-16 17:47:54

You will both be fine don't worry. After you've had 4 it gets easier lol!

Always trickier if he is your first child.

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