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To holiday or not to holiday...that is the question?

33 replies

bigpapa653 · 07/06/2016 17:00

Hi All

Need to some advice please,

To give some background I live with my dw, and 2 dd's and my ds lives my ex.

My ex asked me to book annual leave off work to look after my son whilst she goes on hols with her bf.

Now I'm feeling extremely angry that someone would even have the cheek to ask me this bearing in mind that I work very hard for my family and the precious time I do have off which is very limited in a full time job (26 days tops) I want too book off and spend with all my family, my ds included.

Should I feel angry that my ex has asked me this, should I speak my mind or is this an acceptable thing to do in a split household?

Your thoughts would be greatly appreciated......

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TimetohittheroadJack · 07/06/2016 17:03

Why don't you book the time off and plan your holidays at the same time as your ex is away?

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suitsyousir79 · 07/06/2016 17:03

Would you need to book the whole time off? Would your dw look after him while you are at work. Im a dad with two step kids and my dw used to ask the kids dad to have them more sometimes if we were going somewhere not child friendly. It seems odd that she wont take her son on holiday but it depends where they are going and how long for.

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bigpapa653 · 07/06/2016 17:16

My dw also works full time so would also need to take time off, which she isn't prepared to do to accommodate ex's holiday and I fully appreciate that. The holiday is a full week so I would need to book whole time off and in all honesty I want to save my time for term time breaks and the summer hols. I believe that ex just wants to go without the kids and the fact that it's abroad, I'm not allowed to take ds abroad so my guess is ex isn't going to take him either.

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suitsyousir79 · 07/06/2016 17:19

Hmmm i see. Its a tricky one. Probably not much you can do i guess unless there are grandparents or someone else who might have him for the week.

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TimetohittheroadJack · 07/06/2016 17:37

Is your DS at school? Could you not work flexi for a week? Or who watches your other children if you are both at work?

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pinkpeter1 · 07/06/2016 17:50

Who says you aren't allowed to take him abroad? also, who do you think should look after your ds?

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Ouriana · 07/06/2016 17:58

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bigpapa653 · 07/06/2016 21:03

My dd's are in nursery all day we pick them up every evening after work. My ds is at nursery but only 16 hours I believe as its government paid care.

I don't really understand how my ds will feel unwanted I'm not the one leaving him and its not my usual time anyway. Ds is far too young to understand. That was a bit much.

I also am not sure why I should mess my time around to accomodate my ex's holiday?

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bigpapa653 · 07/06/2016 21:06

to the other point my ex has told me we are not allowed to go abroad so we have to holiday in england, i wouldn't expect anyone to have to look after ds as in all honesty i would always take them with me.

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oneoldmare · 07/06/2016 21:18

I would guess that you wouldn't think twice about going on holiday with your wife and not have your son on your agreed days.
You would just take for granted that your ex just keeps him on the days you normally have him.
Its no different your ex going away.
He is your son.
Take responsibility!

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bigpapa653 · 07/06/2016 21:36

Decent advice appreciated please oneoldmare... I've asked for advice, why are you proposing ideas which are unjustified?

As earlier stated if you read the topic, my holiday time is spent with all my family.

How am i not taking responsibility, i'm not wanting to go on holiday and leaving my ds at home? My question was is this an acceptable thing to ask of your ex?

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TimetohittheroadJack · 07/06/2016 21:39

Why not just agree and go away on a family holiday that week? That way, everybody wins - your ex gets a week away with her bd, you get a family holiday?

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HanYOLO · 07/06/2016 21:39

Of course it is acceptable.

Ideally there will be some communication and discussion about the dates - and go on holiday at the same time? If you can't do those dates, suggest some others, when you can. Be flexible. Why would that be a problem?

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Ouriana · 07/06/2016 21:41

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TimetohittheroadJack · 07/06/2016 21:42

In answer to your question, yes I think it's an acceptable thing to ask - you have every right to say no if you so wish but it's not an unreasonable request. And I don't think your ex can prevent you taking him abroad, although going abroad with three under 5s isn't that much fun anyway.

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LilaTheTiger · 07/06/2016 21:48

I've asked my ex to have my kids for 10 days while I go holiday with my BF. I've worked my arse off for the past 3 years and have come to the end of a contract and it's the only time I'll have to go. And it's in term time.

Despite him normally being a bellend he actually agreed. Just saying.

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Ouriana · 07/06/2016 21:48

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bigpapa653 · 07/06/2016 21:52

its not a problem per say, it was my first thought. I'd love to go on holiday but we are not allowed to take him abroad.

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Ouriana · 07/06/2016 21:57

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mummytime · 07/06/2016 21:59

The courts would allow you to take him abroad, as long as you weren't a flight risk. So she can't just ban you from taking him abroad.

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bigpapa653 · 07/06/2016 22:00

thanks but we have a decent enough relationship and i don't want to cause too much trouble which i could imagine that would do

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OutToGetYou · 07/06/2016 22:01

I also am not sure why I should mess my time around to accomodate my ex's holiday?

Well, you're going to have to learn to suck it up. This is entirely normal with split families. Your ex is being selfish having a holiday without your ds, but if that's what she's like, then that's what she's like. My dp's ex is the same - she's never taken dss on holiday (and dp gave her the money to do so once and she still didn't) and several times we have covered her childcare. Mainly we've had him all school holidays for the last 6 years because they always seem to sneak up on her and she hasn't booked time off.

But, he's his dad - who else was going to look after dss? He lives with us now and she rarely ever has him - but that's just her.

Your kids are all very close in age. Can't you put ds into your dd's nursery for the week? They may have a space?

There's no point feeling angry that she asked you, that way you'll just end up with a heart attack. If you can't take your holidays at the same time (and plan in advance so you can all do this) then just tell her you can have him for the usual time, plus the holiday you have planned and as such she will have to find her own cover for that period.

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bigpapa653 · 07/06/2016 22:01

thanks for your advice everyone, I will take on board what you've said and have a good think about what to do.

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rookiemere · 07/06/2016 22:03

Well surely if she wants to go abroad she should be relaxed about you taking DS abroad. Worth asking the question.

Or if it's genuinely not an option then you do what other working parents do - find a football/sports/drama day camp based on his interests and he goes there for the week.

Both parents should split holiday childcare between them - just because you have a second family doesn't mean that you get to pick all the days that suit you. However she should have let you know sooner than now - I organise summer childcare and holidays well in advance and it seems odd that she wouldn't have decided until June what was happening.

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Ouriana · 07/06/2016 22:03

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