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I'm sick of hearing about infidelity!

(24 Posts)
loveverona Tue 12-Apr-16 16:22:57

I'm sick of hearing about men who cheat. It appears to be everywhere. Surely there are plenty of you out there who don't? I'm in a very happy relationship but I'm curious to hear from those of you who are faithful to your DP - what stops you from doing what so many men seem to choose to do? This is not a 'how to keep my man happy' question, I just don't believe that all men are bastards and think you should be heard for a change!

loveverona Tue 12-Apr-16 20:10:48

Blimey don't all shout at once lol!

crazycatdad Thu 14-Apr-16 05:58:44

Here! Not sure what to tell you though. Plenty of men are untrustworthy bastards with no self control. The rest are quietly getting on with their lives.

If I look at my circle of friends, almost all are happily married in their early to mid thirties. Only one divorce, and that was amicable.

What stops me from cheating? The fact that I love my wife and could not bear to hurt her. That I value our wedding vows and meant them when I said them, rather than just going through the motions. That I have a sense of morality which outweighs my base urges.

PixieChops Thu 14-Apr-16 07:06:04

I'm not male but my fiancé is. I truly believe he would never cheat on me. He treats me very well, I never really want for anything, we have two beautiful children (both under 2) and we have a happy home life. Obviously we bicker from time to time as any normal couple does (we are not perfect) but I think mutual respect and trust is really important. I would never cheat on him, for the fact I love him and I'd have too much to lose.
I've been cheated on in the past and so has my STBH so we both know how shit it feels. I couldn't imagine putting him through the pain I went through and vice versa.
But yes in answer to your question, not all men are cheating bastards, they're are some good ones out there. smile

loveverona Mon 18-Apr-16 13:02:33

Thank you both! And I believe I am with one such man - he treats me wonderfully and I now know what it feels like to be truly loved. We both came from unhappy marriages and met following our respective divorces. I guess I still have that 'what if' mindset and find it hard to just be happy and get on with my life. Maybe I can't accept that he loves me for me and that it all won't be taken away from me. But you can't live your life like that.

Thank you for your positive words!

0phelia Mon 18-Apr-16 13:14:22

You're only going to hear about cheating scoundrel bastard men on here because people come on here to vent, and find answers to their problems. Avoid the Relationships board if it's getting you down. I don't go there so much anymore because it's full of such sad stories and a vast number of made up ones! it can get you down.

There are loads of good'ns out there!

Leefr200 Wed 20-Apr-16 14:28:34

I've never cheated on my wife and never would I love her too much, my biggest problem is my wife says I'm naturally flirty which I don't mean to be I'm just always smiley

ordinaryman Wed 18-May-16 21:08:47

Another non-cheater here.

I'm in a sexless a=marriage (not by my choice) so lord knows I ought to be tempted, but aren't for a whole variety of reason, including in no particular order - loving and not wanting to hurt her, not wanting to hurt my children or split-up the family, hoping things will improve, not wanting the hassle of another relationship, not wanting to mess-up someone else's family, and having a degree of self-worth, ie: my sex is worth as much as my wife's. I am not a rabid dog who will go after any other meat as a substitute. Ultimately, if my wife doesn't want me, I will end it before I go elsewhere. But I probably won't go elsewhere, for fear of getting trapped again.

But then there's always temptation because of that sexless situation. I genuinely worry about meeting someone who does show me some attraction....

ordinaryman Wed 18-May-16 21:11:34

Correction - "I'm in a sexless marriage"

urbanfox1337 Sat 21-May-16 20:02:38

I'm in my forties and gave sex up ten years ago. Its not worth it.

ordinaryman Sun 22-May-16 10:29:03

What, completely?

Are you married?

Presumably you rely on 'DIY'?

MysteriesOfTheOrganism Sat 04-Jun-16 14:52:59

Some men don't cheat. Many do.

Some women don't cheat. Many do.

The reasons are varied, but the same for both sexes. It's just life...

jeaux90 Fri 02-Sep-16 08:15:06

I'm a woman. I could never live in a sexless marriage and I am never surprised when people cheat when they are.

Childrenofthestones Wed 07-Sep-16 06:04:50

Mine is almost sexless. It may as well be for the amount of times it happens.
I think I made the mistake of telling her I would never cheat on her (truthfully) as I couldn't bear to be a weekend dad.
Not that I would want her to do it if she didn't really want to, but I do think there a fine line where people can either make an effort to get their vavavoom back or write it off and decide it's not for them anymore.

bigfriendlygiant Wed 07-Sep-16 06:17:23

My grandparents were married for 50 years before my grandma passed away - they didn't cheat on each other because they were respectful and weren't arseholes.

My parents have been married for 40 years - they haven't cheated on each other because they are respectful and not arseholes.

My aunt and uncle are divorced - they didn't cheat on each other because they are respectful and not arseholes.

Many people don't cheat - a few people are arseholes.

1DAD2KIDS Mon 03-Oct-16 20:01:22

I was completely faithful throughout my marriage. I loved my wife and later our little family to moon and back. I married the woman I loved and wanted to spend my whole life with her. Sure there is temptation out there and I don't like to fully judge till I know all the circumstances. But for me I would never cheat. I had everything I wanted in life and would never trade it for anything else.

Unfortunately my ex wife often quite irrationally would a accuse me of cheating with strangers, female friends and work colleges. This was always very hard for me being accused of such a vile thing especially by the woman you love. She would say its because she was always cheated on in other relationships (she had been in some real bad ones).

Anyway the irony is she ran off with another man and left me raising a 6 month old and a 4 year old (at the time). Broke my heart. I asked my therapist why my ex would often come out with wild accusations that I cheated on her. My therapist said people who cant trust them selves can rarely trust other people.

But yes there are faithful men out there.

jobanana Tue 31-Jan-17 22:08:00

The point about people who cheat not being able to trust others is a good one. Perhaps that's their hell - they can't ever feel safe.

I had never experienced the whole thing of a person you trust beyond everything doing something like that. I had a person who I trusted so much that I would literally have staked my life on him never cheating. But, sadly, I was wrong. It turned out that he had been living off the benefit of the doubt for years. He was a pathological liar, and he met a women through our mutual work who was also a pathological liar, even more so than him, and also, I think, through my long analysis of her, that rare thing - a female sociopath. Her first words to me were 'Want a cup of tea? By the way, I'm a witch, and so is my mother, and grandmother before me' ... while she offered a Cath Kidson mug with some organic mint tea ... and a bright little smile on her cherubic face (big white teeth gleaming - never had a filling). A true monster.
So, we met a monster, and she lured him into the most horribly unkind and selfish relationship which devastated several families. And he still insists on talking to her.
I'm so very tired of never knowing what is true. It's exhausting.

jobanana Tue 31-Jan-17 22:14:09

My thoughts now, after many months of varying torture, is that trust is the most precious and beautiful thing. Real trust, like the trust we should have with our parents and children, is true gold. If someone has that, and trashes it, then the whole world becomes grimy, somehow. Of course one response might be to go off and do it yourself - if you're cheated on, find someone to cheat with and get your own back - but if that wasn't you to start with, then it shouldn't be you now. It's a dirty world, where the one doesn't know what the other is doing - it's like porn - you can understand the appeal, but, ultimately, it isn't the real thing.
So I think the key is to be true to yourself. And if the other person can't be true, then ... you can't do anything with them. You can't change them. You can't enlighten them. You can't help them. Ultimately, whatever happens, your life will be cleaner. Purer. Better. You might feel sad and lonely, but you won't feel bad. There's a comfort in being true.

jkniffen22 Mon 08-May-17 14:25:07

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Man1974 Sat 13-May-17 14:42:15

Yep sexless relationship is driving me up the wall

Jessicacook2229 Sat 30-Sep-17 22:55:42

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

just5morepeas Sat 30-Sep-17 23:00:04

Of course you're going to hear about the cheaters and bastards more. The people with nice guys, or just normal and boring guys, probably aren't going to be complaining about it on mumsnet.

NewDaddie Mon 02-Oct-17 10:18:26

I think it's just MN tbh like just said

Scorpvenus1 Mon 17-Jun-19 12:09:15

Women need to accept it less and stop enabling it.

If we all just got rid when they play up they would think more about it, there is no consequences for them.

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