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Trial separations - good or bad

(9 Posts)
Lonelyman05 Wed 03-Feb-16 20:35:31

Hi

I'm currently in a situation where I'm having a trial separation for a few months from my long term partner of 15 years. We have had the most amazing time and had 4 wonderful children together. We agreed to a trial separation so we could spend time apart to evaluate our relationship and really get in touch with our emotions as things were becoming difficult together. Now I've realised so much during this time apart, how much I love my partner, miss her dearly and that I admit, I took her for granted and became lazy and complacent and clearly didn't fulfill her needs both physically and emotionally. I'm desperate to tell her all of this but worried that during this time apart she will realise that she's finally had enough and would be better off without me.

My question is this, has anyone been through a trial separation and if so did it make your relationship stronger or did it make things worse and you ended up splitting up?

My heads a mess and I'm worried that I could lose the women of my dreams, the only women I've ever loved.

Sweetsecret Wed 03-Feb-16 22:23:28

Yep, my DH left on a trial basis to get his head straight after 15 years and two children together, 11 months later he is still gone and has moved 2 hours away also.
Your partner may well realised she prefers being alone, but you won't know until you speak to her.
I always thought it was trial I think deep down he knew it was permanent, tell her how you feel and be prepared to make changes and possibly seek help.good luck.

AnyFucker Wed 03-Feb-16 22:26:08

She has got shut of you it sounds like without the stress of a big break up

Are you stepping up and fulfilling your duties as father while you are apart?. And i don't mean the good bits.

Lonelyman05 Wed 03-Feb-16 23:31:50

Thanks both. I'm hoping we both realise that we miss each other and can get back together and iron out any issues. However if it goes the other way then I guess I just got to deal with it and try and build a new life.

In terms of the kids I'm still doing everything I can to keep everyone happy during this time apart.

madmother1 Wed 03-Feb-16 23:35:36

Tell her!! I've been separated for 5 years now and really feel that we should have worked through our issues. We were both adamant at the time that it was right to go our separate ways. But....The grass isn't greener.

AnyFucker Thu 04-Feb-16 06:40:05

If you are still doing what you did before then that probably isn't going to mend your relationship.

girlinacoma Fri 05-Feb-16 16:59:15

You have nothing to lose by telling her how you feel.

Sadly though, it may well be too late.

You say that you were lazy, complacent and gave her very little emotional support so it begs the question, what did you do?

I wonder whether she feels that she has spent the last 15 years raising 5 children, not 4. Perhaps now that the children are growing up, she can finally see the wood for the trees and is starting to get some of her life back without you

It depends on just how unsupportive you really were. Hard for us to say without knowing more but your absence may feel like a massive relief for her.

Talk to her OP and good luck x

HumanQualities Tue 15-Mar-16 20:18:53

Probably not what you're going to want to hear, but I also didn't make it through the trial separation test, he decided to shack up with my best friend 2 months into the 6 month separation and that was that.

Tell her how you feel before it's too late, you've nothing to lose at this point, and if she does agree to try again, don't take her for granted!

inastew Fri 22-Apr-16 11:01:42

Defo telling her how you feel is way to go.

Update us OP. Fingers crossed for you.

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